Prime Cuts

Slices of great NFL content from around the web

The most Jay Cutler thing ever

A Heart-Warming Tale of Jay Cutler Romance
kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com

“It was so silly. I was in the airport, leaving Chicago,” Cavallari said. “We had just spent however many days together and we were texting and somehow it came up, like, ‘Oh, shall we get married?’ We’re like, ‘Yeah, OK.’ And then he sent my ring in the mail. So I actually had my ring sitting at home for a couple of weeks before I put it on.”

I could totally see Cutler dropping a wedding ring in a small empty envelope, slapping a stamp on it and dropping it in a mailbox. “Will it get there? Whatevs, I could get another. No big whoop.” To Cutty’s credit, at least he knew the woman wanted to marry him before sending her a ring in the mail. Take notes, Roy Williams.

Ah, love...

Independent neurologists to staff NFL games in 2013

NFL will have independent neurological consultants on sidelines next season
profootballtalk.nbcsports.com

According to Andrea Kremer of the NFL Network and sideline reporter for NBC’s Sunday Night Football, the NFL will have unaffiliated neurological consultants on the sidelines during games beginning next season.

This move stands in stark contrast to the inane comments made last November by Richard Ellenbogen, the co-chair of the NFL's concussion committee. We heartily applaud the league for taking an important step toward better handling of head injuries.

Civil claims against Thomas dismissed

Civil suit against Demaryius Thomas dismissed
blogs.denverpost.com

A lawsuit filed against Broncos receiver Demaryius Thomas case has been dismissed.
...
Although Thomas was never charged of any wrongdoing, he was considered a witness in the alleged incident involving Cox and the accuser. Cox’s accuser had filed eight complaints in a lawsuit against Thomas. However, Denver District Court Judge Martin Egelhoff signed an order on Jan. 10 dismissing all claims with prejudice against Thomas. (With prejudice means claims cannot be asserted again.)

This is great news for Demaryius and the Broncos. While 2012 was a breakout season for the wideout, and the first in which he did not miss time due to injury, one has to figure the removal of this burden can only help his 2013 performance.

The Ray Lewis puke fest

Baltimore Ravens LB Ray Lewis denies report he took deer antler extract to recover from triceps injury
www.nydailynews.com

“My only purpose in life is to find different ways to help people and encourage people and make our world a better place,” Lewis said on Tuesday…

...He was asked about his lowest point during his “last ride,” the time that tested him the most. He said it was when a doctor told him would be out for the season with the triceps injury. “She was like, ‘Ray, you know, nobody’s never came back from this,’” Lewis said. “I said, ‘Well, you know, nobody’s ever been Ray Lewis either.’”

I'm not sure what's worse, having to bear witness to Ray Lewis's narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or knowing that the only reason Ray Ray gets to prattle on this week is because Rahim Moore can't play prevent defense properly.

Broncos fans are fonder of Raiders fans than they’d like to admit

Facebook Data Provides The Most Accurate NFL Fandom Map Ever Created
deadspin.com

One final chart, extracted from the data. If you’re a fan of one team, who are your friends most likely to be fans of? Here are the top five most common allegiances for Facebook friends of fans of each team. Once again, geography rules—except for the large numbers of Cowboys, Steelers, and Patriots fans on everybody’s list. I’d say that’s accurate—nearly all of us know fans of those three teams.

These are some pretty neat graphics, except for the part where Broncos fans apparently have something of an unrequited fondness for Raiders fans.

According to Facebook's data, Broncos fans count a larger percentage of Raiders fans as their friends, than Oakland followers do in return.

What's up with that, Broncos Land?

Broncos coaches: Tebow may not make for an NFL tight end, either

ESPN snafu allows audience to see Hannah Storm and Mark Schlereth doubt Tim Tebow’s future
sports.yahoo.com

Schlereth: But I’m going to tell you. I talked to a bunch of Broncos coaches who said ‘I just don’t know if he’s a fluid enough athlete to go over and play tight end ... they say he doesn’t catch the ball naturally either

Oh, those dastardly anonymous sources. Clearly it was Mike McCoy, who would have been nothing without the Ultimate Teammate™. He should be thanking Timmy. Ingrate.

Lewis alleged to have used banned substance in recovery from arm injury

The zany story of two self ordained sports science entrepreneurs
sportsillustrated.cnn.com

Ross prescribed a deluxe program, including holographic stickers on the right elbow; copious quantities of the powder additive; sleeping in front of a beam-ray light programmed with frequencies for tissue regeneration and pain relief; drinking negatively charged water; a 10-per-day regimen of the deer-antler pills that will “rebuild your brain via your small intestines” (and which Lewis said he hadn’t been taking, then swallowed four during the conversation); and spritzes of deer-antler velvet extract (the Ultimate Spray) every two hours.

“Spray on my elbow every two hours?” Lewis asked.

“No,” Ross said, “under your tongue.”

Toward the end of the talk, Lewis asked Ross to “just pile me up and just send me everything you got, because I got to get back on this this week.”

As pointed out by Mike Florio, it's a little late for Lewis to face any repercussions from the league, if they even bother to investigate.

If you're unfamiliar with deer antler fuzz, be sure to check out Doc's in-depth article on it from almost exactly two years ago.

The X-Man Cometh—to Detroit

Lions hire ex-Broncos GM Brian Xanders as senior personnel executive
www.freep.com

The Lions hired former Broncos general manager Brian Xanders as a senior personnel executive. Xanders will assist with pro and college scouting, while Mayhew retains final say over the roster.

“As I indicated following the season, we are re-evaluating all aspects of our football operation,” Mayhew said in a statement. “Brian’s addition, given his diverse background, positively impacts all aspects of our team’s football operations. He brings experience as a general manager and has worked in both pro and college scouting. In addition to his personnel background, he has experience in contract negotiations and expertise in the development and use of technological resources in player personnel. Brian will effectively improve on the structure we have in place and will add another set of eyes to the evaluation process.”

The guy that might have drafted Clay Matthews over Robert Ayers just found a new home in Detroit. Any job is better than no job at all, right?  If you don't believe us, just ask Ted Sundquist, who has gone so long without work, he finally gave himself a title: "The Football Educator."

General Manager still sounds better.  Perhaps someday.

This does give us a chance to bring out everyone's beloved toy, The Brian Xanders Random Quote Generator.  This is our personal favorite:

We are going to have our college scouts start cross-checking the players in February, instead of later in the process in January.

Tear it up in Detroit, X-Man.

Let the soy sauce hit the floor

Former 49er charged with attacking ex-boyfriend
www.smdailyjournal.com

Former San Francisco 49ers and Oakland Raiders offensive tackle Kwame Harris will appear in San Mateo County Superior Court today on charges he assaulted his former boyfriend at a Menlo Park restaurant during an argument over soy sauce and underwear.

...Harris and his alleged victim had been in a romantic relationship but were no longer involved when they met at Su Hong restaurant in Menlo Park, said Chief Deputy District Attorney Karen Guidotti.  Harris’ attorney Alin Cintean confirms the pair were previously involved but were just friends at that point.  Harris was to drive Geier to San Francisco International Airport but instead became upset when he poured soy sauce on a plate of rice, according to the suit filed in San Mateo County Superior Court.

The men argued for approximately seven minutes and Harris said he would no longer take Geier to the airport, the suit states. As the men left to remove Geier’s belongings from Harris’ car so that he could instead take a cab, Harris tried pulling the other man’s pants down and accused him of stealing his underwear, according to the suit. Geier unsuccessfully tried pushing Harris away but the bigger man shook him violently and punched him in the arms, the suit states.

Police reports list Harris as 6 feet 7 inches and 240 pounds while Geier is 6 feet 1 inch and 220, Guidotti said. Geier allegedly hit Harris three times in the face but Harris “seemed only to grow more agitated” and punched him in the face several times until he fell, the suit states. Harris allegedly threw Geier’s property from the car and left while Geier hailed a cab and was taken to an emergency room in San Jose.  Geier had surgery to repair broken orbital bones and required a metal plate to repair the damage. Harris was arrested at his home.

Whether gay or straight, it's never a good idea to mix soy sauce and underwear, my friends.  It's bound to lead to some of the "ultra violence."  

This applies doubly when the offended party is 6 feet 7 inches and probably weighs three bills.

(via PFT)

Knapp meeting new colleagues, star pupil in Honolulu

Manning to say 'Aloha' to new coach
espn.go.com

As a result, Knapp has joined his new team in Hawaii and he is expected to work with the rest of the Denver coaching staff at the Pro Bowl this week
...
The Broncos wanted Knapp to take advantage of the time to spend with his new colleagues and get to know everyone in a relaxed setting. Knapp will also get a chance to coach his prized pupil. Peyton Manning is the starting AFC quarterback at the Pro Bowl.

Ugh, leave it to Williamson to work Aloha and pineapple slices into a 161-word piece on Denver's new QB coach. Bill is the worstest.