Prime Cuts

Slices of great NFL content from around the web

God possibly leaning towards the Bears

Caleb vs. Tebow Biblical Cred (Take God, Bears and Points)
www.huffingtonpost.com

In one of the most famous stories from the Old Testament, God orders Moses to send spies from each of the tribes of Israel into Canaan. Although God has just taken the Children of Israel out of slavery in Egypt, the scouting report from these easily spooked spies says this new land is filled with inhabitants too fearsome to conquer. The exceptions to the consensus view are Joshua and Caleb….Caleb seeks to counter the “evil report” and “reassure the people.” (Are you listening, Bears fans?) God, perhaps worried the people have been spending too much time listening to sports radio, sends the whole bunch back to the desert for 40 years to kill off the defeatists. However, God singles out Joshua and Caleb for survival because they “wholly followed the Lord.”...Oh, and those spies? Twelve of them, one for each tribe. Caleb Hanie’s jersey number? Number 12. Coincidence? I think not.

Bears by one. After a fourth quarter touchdown, they disdain the tie and go for two points. Hanie sneaks over the goal line, making the conversion. Bears win.

One nation (well, 70%) under Tebow

For TV networks, it's Tebow Time
www.latimes.com

Meanwhile, Fox and CBS are shifting their NFL schedules around to get Tebow in front of the biggest audience possible. Last Sunday’s game between the Broncos and Minnesota Vikings on Fox was originally slated to be shown to 36% of the country, but Fox upgraded it so that it was available to almost 70%.

Here's what that looked liked visually, via the506.com:

Tebow > Football

Boy battling cancer gets call from Tim Tebow
www.myfoxorlando.com

Doctors diagnosed Blake with a brain tumor in 2008, and after two incredibly misleading and painfully temporary remissions, years of chemotherapy and surgery, the leukemia came back with a vengeance, spreading to his spine.

Doctors told his mother and Blake that it is now untreatable.

Miranda tells us, “I don’t have time to cry. It might be a moment I’m missing with him.”

And one of those moments has to do with Blake’s love of Tim Tebow and football. He proudly showed us a football ball signed by the former Florida Gator and current Denver Broncos quarterback. He then he proudly explained how Tim Tebow called him on December 1st and what the two discussed.

Blake says, “He told me he was going to meet me. That’s about it!!”

Cool is cool.  That's about all I've got to say about that.  

I can analyze mechanics another day.

Tebow 2.5 points better than Orton per game

The Curious Case of Tim Tebow
www.teamrankings.com

In all honesty, Tebow’s stats aren’t that bad.  Sure he doesn’t complete a lot of passes, but when he does he makes them count….Tim Tebow adds about 3.5 points per game to his team over a replacement level quarterback.  That’s just slightly below league average, and better than the 1 extra point per game that Kyle Orton was adding earlier in the season….With a rating of 0.66, against an average opponent rating of -0.49, should Denver really be 6-1? Looking at their actual schedule, rather than just the average opponent, the Last 7 rating predicts that Denver would win on average only 3.47 out of the 7 games if they had to play them again.  That means they won 2.5 more than they should’ve, a Luck Rating of 2.5. That seems reasonable, given how many fourth quarter comebacks they needed over this stretch…Being lucky is nice, and some might contend that it’s actually skill in the clutch or even something greater. Unfortunately for Broncos fans it shouldn’t be expected to continue.  We’ve covered the topic of luck before, and found that what we call luck doesn’t generally carry over from season to season in football.

I would have went with 2.5334239, but, hey, that's just me. 

And as far as luck goes, as Frank Sinatra once said: "Luck be a smokin' hot latina whispering, I'll take the Broncos tonight."

Meme begets meme begets meme: Teboozing

The latest in Tim Tebow-inspired fads to go viral? Teboozing
www.nydailynews.com

He may not believe in drinking, but Denver Broncos’ quarterback Tim Tebow inspired a new fad: Teboozing.

Modeled off the viral fad of Tebowing, Teboozing involves getting down on one knee, and holding up any type of alcohol — whether it’s a beer bong, whisky glass or beer.

First, there was Tebowing. Then came Peebowing. Now, Teboozing. What's next? Teboning?

Magary: It’s almost moving time in the NFL

The Great NFL Migration Is About To Begin
deadspin.com

Brian Billick was the analyst for last week’s Broncos/Vikings game, and I’d like to give him a firm bear hug for not gushing over Tebow the entire game (a game in which Tebow played very well). He was complimentary of Tebow only on good plays, and he didn’t bring every discussion point back to the Jesus Baron. And it’s a mark of how $@#%^% most announcing crews that are that this represented a SPECTACULAR IMPROVEMENT over how Tebow is usually covered. Holy $@#%, if Gruden and Jaws had done that game, it would have been guffaws and backslaps for four straight hours. It would have been unbearable. I know people hate Billick from his coaching days, and he can get a little chatty on the air, but I’d take him over Dierdorf any time.

Why is it surprising the MNF guys have to feign excitement?

Everything That’s Wrong With Monday Night Football, In One New Yorker Paragraph
deadspin.com

Later that day, as Jaworski was making a cup of coffee in the ESPN bus, he tried the line again. “Call me crazy, but I’m excited about Tyler Palko,” he said. He exhaled. “I’ve got to sell this,” he said to himself.

Look, they're going to have to spend about 32 hours this weekend talking about the looming showdown between Tom Brandstater and Tarvaris Jackson on MNF. How else could one do so without acting (and thus, a whole lot of rehearsal)?

Lipreader confirms: Tebow does not swear during games

RICK REILLY TWEETS THAT HE HIRED LIPREADER TO SEE IF TIM TEBOW SWORE DURING GAME
www.sportressofblogitude.com

He cannot be serious, can he? Because if he is, pardon my French, but Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Talk about #Real…stupid. But really, this has got to be some kind of joke, right? Right?

Maybe next Reilly will hire Ryan McBean to...oh never mind.

Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow

Every "Tebow" Uttered On ESPN’s "TebowCenter" Today
deadspin.com

In what was either a rare act of self-awareness or a complete lack thereof on behalf of the Worldwide Leader, ESPN dedicated an entire hour of SportsCenter today to Tim Tebow, managing to mention the Denver quarterback’s name no fewer than 88 times in the process—all of which were painstakingly edited together for your pleasure above.

Fan wants closer to Tebow, tattoos him on thigh as headless centaur

Fan’s ‘Tebow Time’ Tattoo Has Tim Tebow as Bronco-Centaur (Picture)
larrybrownsports.com

An artist named Gabe, who did the tattoo, said the man in question showed up with the drawing and said he wanted to get the tattoo done. Normally the shop does all the designs themselves, but this guy really wanted his personally-designed Tebow Time tattoo, so they allowed it. Gabe says they asked the man if he had lost a bet, but he wouldn’t tell them. Apparently he left the shop pleased and loved the tattoo.

Hey, whatever floats your boat. I just have two questions: Why does Tebow have no face or head within his helmet, and What's with the flowery handwriting?