Will the Broncos cover the largest spread ever?

How the hell are you this morning, Broncos fans? As Ted told you yesterday, we’re covering for our good friend Doug until tomorrow when he gets back from nude skydiving.

Since I’ve already done more before 6am than your lazy ass is going to do all day (but still less than Doug usually does), you might as well hit that Starbucks on the corner for a five-dollar latte, kick back behind your work simulator monitor, and smoke this Lard like a Broncos crack addict. 

I trust you enjoyed your Monday evening in one of two ways. You either watched the New York Jets beat the Atlanta Falcons (what?) 30-28 in a rather exciting Monday night game. Or you pondered the possibility that the Broncos would cover the biggest point spread in NFL history.

Here’s the question I have: how could they not? The Broncos are at home, the Jaguars are hemorrhaging with injuries, and finally, former Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio is going to want to bury his old team.

Horses with Huge Testicles

The Broncos aren’t blaming their poor defensive outing on injuries, but John Fox confirmed what we already knew: losing Wesley Woodyard affected the defense’s ability to communicate on Sunday.  The injuries to Chris Harris and Robert Ayers were just gravy. 

Could the Broncos break the single game scoring record against the Jags? Rich Gannon thinks so. I don’t. John Fox wouldn’t embarrass another coach this way.  

The Denver Broncos took to their Twitter account to point out that they scored as many points (51) on Sunday as the Jaguars have scored all season. Rather than coming back with something clever or humorous, the Jaguars whined in clichés.

Mike Klis reported later that Patrick Smyth called the Jags and apologized.  Jim Saccomano probably gave some thought about doing the apology himself, but a few seconds later, his ego decided against it. 

John Meyer looked at the number of points the Broncos and Cowboys gave up on Sunday and used it as a reason to lament the dwindling importance of defense in the NFL.  I lament a lot of things (college girls with increasing levels of baby fat, the death of Al Davis, the lack of interest in Chia Pets), but defense isn't one of them.

Imposters posing as representatives from USC tried contacting Jack Del Rio and Tony Dungy about the school’s opening for a new football coach.  Looks like Dungy took things seriously.   

Woody Paige logged another 500 words and managed to work in the phrase “Texas-chainsaw quarterback” while he was at it.   It’s still unknown at this point whether Paige massacred any adverbs.

Neutered Kittys

Luke Joeckel is gone for the year and Peyton Manning is the best there ever was, but the Jaguars say they’re still going to show up.   Good for them.  After a forty-point blowout, a good meal in LoDo is just what the doctor ordered.

The guy replacing Joeckel at tackle, Cameron Bradfield, isn’t hanging his head because Jacksonville is 0-5. Way to keep your head up, big guy.  Just bring a swivel on Sunday.  You’ll need it.

Due to his injury, Blaine Gabbert isn’t going to start. Also, here’s and odd little stat: Gabbert hasn’t finished the game in six out of his last ten starts. 

The Florida-Time Union thinks you should subscribe in order to read the contents of Gene Frenette’s head.  Here’s the Cliff’s Notes version: Jacksonville will struggle against Peyton Manning.  And now Frenette’s head has been emptied.  Check back in three weeks. 

More bad news for the Jags (besides sucking): tight end Marcedes Lewis is not likely to play against the Broncos.  If only the rest of the offense was so fortunate.

About the only thing standing in the way between the Jags taking the biggest ass kicking of their lives is Justin Blackmon.

If the Jags manage to block a Broncos punt this week, you heard about it here first. 

News

Six cities want to host the 2018 Super Bowl.  No, Denver is not one of them. 

Josh Freeman amused us all by saying he chose Minnesota so he could “pump the brakes” on being a starting quarterback.  Right, Josh. You’ll be starting in two weeks.

File this under tell us something we don’t know—Tony Romo should have checked down on his interception against Denver. 

Whoa, Dude—Gary Kubiak is considering  a QB change in Houston.  Or is that just our interpretation? 

Matt Flynn was released by the Raiders, but that doesn’t mean he’s going back to Green Bay.  By the way, has anyone made more hay off of one game than Flynn?

In an all-too-familiar scene for Broncos fans, Jay Cutler brushed off Brandon Marshall’s recent whining about his role in the offense.  Punt formation, anyone?

Stop me if you’ve heard this before—Steve Smith is acting like a child.  That can happen to a guy when Patrick Peterson shuts you down.  

I’m glad we had this talk.  Now, vaya con Dios, Brah.

Agree, disagree, just like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter so I can quit my day job.

The Lard

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