Tweets of the Week - Inaugural make it rain edition

Now that the dust has settled from the draft (not that anyone is done overanalyzing it, including us) and we're amidst a lockout, real actual NFL news is nonexistent becoming harder and harder to come across. And at IAOFM, it's rather important to the four of us that we not waste your time with writing that's complected solely of mental masturbation, at least not our own. We also place a high premium on humor here, because there are too many sites out there that take football (and themselves) a little too seriously.

With that in mind, you'll probably most likely not within the next week never see from us a fifteen-installment list of the Bestest Broncos Born in the Year 1981 or Most Awesomest Bronco Gamez That TJ Ever Saw. What to do...what to do...well, it just so happens that we have the wonders of social media to bail us out. We're interested here in all things Broncos and NFL, and even though Doc, Ted, TJ and I are all busy holding down the couch springs in our parents' basements (in our Underoos), we do have real access to the players. As Rashard Mendenhall proved last week, anyone with a Twitter account and a pair of thumbs can speak their mind to the world - and when Broncos tweet, we are listening.

With that in mind, we're going to start pointing out the more interesting and/or entertaining material among the Broncos players' Twitter activities. It may get a bit crude at times, and the end result may be that you/we come away with somewhat lower opinions of some of the players. A couple of thoughts:

  1. These are all real Tweets, out there for posterity's sake. If the players don't want this stuff made public or focused upon by folks like us, then they shouldn't be hitting "Tweet" in the first place.
  2. Please don't forget that most of these guys are in their early 20s and have focused almost entirely upon playing a sport for many years, if not for their entire lives. Plus, despite what the NCAA would have us believe, they've been paid to do so since they were nine-year-olds teenagers. Yes, they are going to come off at times as spoiled brats or out of touch with reality. Yes, by copying/pasting these examples, we are going to be calling attention to these very slips. But we're doing so with a very large grain of salt - hopefully you'll read them from the same perspective.
  3. I am a self-appointed member of the Grammar Police. You know it from my treatment of Brian Xanders, and frankly it's just one of my OCD-ish peeves. I'm going to make fun (at times) of players' spelling and/or grammar. But that's just because I've had a lot more time to spend focusing upon this stuff than these athletes have. Again, grain of salt - I'm not really calling these guys "dumb" or saying they should know better. Their innocent mistakes, our laughter.

Enough sanctimony of that - you're all adults, you can take what you will of this stuff. I just hope you get a good chuckle or two, that's all...

DJ Williams and Wesley Woodyard are apparently closer than most position mates:

@WoodDro59 I'ma do u like a chick.. How u gone not respond to my text messages, but you stay tweeting?

Can someone please end this lockout so Julius Thomas can get his butt in to see the team nutritionist?

Kellogs Cinnabon cereal is unbelievable just smashed a bowl of it.@AmyMA91 agrees

Someone has to explain to Perrish Cox that roads are finite spaces...

I neva understood the point of slow traffic

Apparently, not everyone really cares to hear about Stink's chili:

I could RT @Digi368: @markschlereth no disrespect but can set up 2 different accounts? One for football talk and the other for the chili?

Backup RB Brandon Minor is a deep thinker. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal deep...

As I was holding this dollar I thought 2 myself what if this dollar was thrown at a stripper by it previous owner and how many times #random

Britt Davis has clearly made some enemies in the avian world:

WTF my car is a bird sh** magnet and these birds gettin real gully targeting the worst possible area ie. Door handle n gas tank\

Eddie Royal and Knowshon Moreno are embroiled in a debate over who can throw a football farther:

Me and @eddieroyal19 @E_Decker gunna start working out together time to get right! Even if I have to throw TK yall! I throw better then @eddieroyal19 anyway!

@knowshonmoreno please I can throw 70yards easy...don't always Kno where its goin but I got an arm...and you almost got my trick play vs Seattle taken out cuz of all ya terrible throws in practice

@eddieroyal19 lol nooooo other way around! Buddy! one knee..I'll throw at least 60

@knowshonmoreno what's the bet? We gonna have to settle this one

@eddieroyal19 what ever you would like pick. Distance?

Who yall got me or @eddieroyal19 in a long throw contest

Orange Mohawk for the @eddieroyal19 ..what yall think?

Why is WW okay with his closeness to DJ? Because he's from an unusually open family:

Mannn I gotta tell y'all bout this talk me my uncles aunts and brother had with my grandma about oral.When I tell u it had to b the funniest

FWIW, proper apostrophe usage isn't on the homeschooling curriculum...

To all the amazing mom's out there, thank you & Happy Mother's Day!

Brady Quinn very well might have all of Sarah Palin's reality TV show episodes on DVR:

How about a celebrity boxing match between Tina Fey and Sarah Palin? I feel like those two have some issues to duke out...Although Fey would probably decline...

Doug is IAOFM’s resident newsman and spelling czar. Follow him on Twitter @IAOFM

Tweets of the Week