Tweets of the Week - Farting and sneezing simultaneously; the end of Von on Twitter?

Zane Beadles and J.D. Walton tagged along with Tim Tebow to the ESPYs last night...

Apparently when you get #verified this kind of stuff starts happening... #fatmanswag http://t.co/u5GOaXu #verified gets you into the @espnmag #stylestudio a well.... thanks to them for a great experience! #fatmanswag...Great time at the @ESPYs with @TimTebow and JD Walton. Time to get my monkey suit off and let my hair down.

Which sparked a bit of jealousy among their teammates...

Woodyard: @zanebeadles hey how did you get front row tickets to the espys? its good to be tebows friend isnt it lol

Ayers: @CassiusVaughn @WoodDro59 my question is what he do for him to get them seats... Lol

Vaughn: @1_900_ayersjr @WoodDro59 i was thinking the same thing he his new bodyguard....lol

Ayers: @CassiusVaughn protecting his body all right...

Zane Beadles is apparently more athletic than we (or Kyle McCarthy) knew...

KM: Played racquetball for the first time today. Learned the hard way with@zanebeadles abusing me. Great workout though!

ZB: @KMcCarthy34 it's ok man, the world needs to know the level of athleticism people like myself posses. #fatmanathlete

Robert Ayers hasn't lived a very long life if he's only experiencing/witnessing this for the first time:

My lil bra farted laughed and sneezed at the same time..... How is that possible?

Britt Davis has had it with the waiting game:

It's official I'm starting to lose my mind #NFLlockout

It truly is time to end the lockout - Wesley Woodyard has started scheduling his life around a Smurfs game...

this smurfs game on the ipad is so addicting... man i set an alarm at 6am the other day to harvest my crops lol

As David Bruton points out, it won't be long before people don't know what an atlas is...

Just saw a woman pulled over lookin at an atlas. Haven't seen one of those in ages and my dad is a truck driver...

Meanwhile, Woodyard had a funny encounter on the road:

Saw a man driving and he looked over at me like please help me! He had his forehead leaned on the window. While his lady was yelling at him

Count Julius Thomas among those impressed by Abby Wambach:

Soccer is such a dif sport. It seems like everything is so hard! I mean wasn't that a gimme. And the fouls are hard to discern...That wambach chick is a beast!!! She has maximum headers. I think that's the type of player I would be...@yikenny I would be a real defender! But don't they come up for corners or is that free kicks?

D.J. Williams is more interested in goalkeeper Hope Solo, even if she lacks a pointy nose...

@DonteStallworth do you know the hotel USA women soccer team staying in? I wanna b in the lobby like a groupie waiting for Hope Solo.

While Woodyard shared his thoughts on the USA/Brazil game from Sunday, including the late flop job by the Brazilian player...

brazil's team is so fast much faster then the US...thats why sports are so amazing!!!!!!! goallllllllllllllllllllllllllllll...Get her A$$$$$$$$ *Smokey voice* talking bout brazils goalie...this shootout is pretty pretty pretty good * Larry David voice*...USAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...Hey the Soccer Ball never lies! Karma stinks like a Mug Brazil thats what yall get for Paul Pierce'n out there

Bruton's been taking advantage of the time off to hang out with his son Jaden:

Off day at bowling. Jaden beat me bad haga. Calls himself spareman...@K_B_ez and I introducing Jaden to old school power rangers. Funny when u now say this is what I watched growing up haha...Jus finish laser tag with Lil one, his cousin, and his classmates. Play dates. Fun

Sounds like Jaden could offer Orlando Franklin a few tips...

At some bowling alley in Boca sucking up the place lol tweeter fam I need some bowling lessons...Had a blast bowling although I suck lol.

Ayers clearly wasn't thinking before tweeting here. Dan Marino, seriously?!?!

Who are the to 5 Qb's of all time? I think 1. Manning 2. Marino 3. Brady 4. Elway 5. Montana.... Just my thought....@Jyz77 Super Bowl wins are team efforts. Trent Dilfer has same amount a Manning. So does that make him as great as Manning. Just my thought...@mrtinker lol he is my boss now so Elway is #1. Lol...@RebelToker Manning & Marino never had d ranked higher then 15. Brady & Montana never had a d lower then 3 when they won. Just my thought...Defense wins championships....@RebelToker very true but the yrs he won, davis ran for 2k and smith is a hall of fame player...@RebelToker yea you right... Not taking anything from any of them... I hope I can do half of what they did... Just my thoughts....

Sounds like Kyle McCarthy needs to hit the weight room:

Hanging with my buddies and just got asked if I was the punter. Is it bad that I'm used to that?

Von Miller is fed up with Twitter...

I wish I could delete people off twitter...Ima start blocking people...They should make people fill out a app to get on twitter, they shouldn't let the weirdos on.. #toomanyweirdos...Erbody on twitter so I'm off.. I'm deactivating my account tomorrow untill the lockout is over... #peace #Plankin on u lames...I'm going back to facebook...THIS IS MY LAST TWEET TO MY FANS! I'm working hard everyday to be the player you want me to be, and my teammates need me to be.. I'll b back

Woodyard and old friend Jarvis Moss got in their yuks at Eddie Royal's expense:

JM: Dang y'all I made @WoodDro59 top 5 funniest people ! Aye! Ya go see my dog new movie comin out! #PlanetOfTheApes co starring @eddieroyal19

WW: @MoSSwag94 now thats comedy! I have to say im rolling over here picturing big nose @eddieroyal19 starring in Planet of the Apes

Ayers reacts to James Harrison's verbal diarrhea:

Big ups to James Harrison for speaking his mind... Not saying I agree.... or that I would say it.. Had to correct that... Lol...Wow... Just read read more on the Harrison thing... Didn't have to bash Ben like that...I officially take back my James Harrison statement.. Took it a lil too far there buddy. I had 2 read more.. I still love the way he plays...If Ben and Mendenhall aren't mad at what Harrison said why should any1 else be? And lets be real.. only one that likes Goddell is me.. LMAO!

Britt Davis not joining the Fat Man Tour anytime soon:

Tennis match set for approximately 2hrs a lot at stake. Gone b fun...Everyone meet my opponent @Dabullz13 he won't be so slick with the tweets after this beat down he will be shown #NOMERCY...RT @only1BDavis7 Shoosh - don't tell the Broncos about tennis match-Britt might lose to 55 old, overweight, near sighted, college prof!...@cspann28 yeh brutha tennis is like my golf never see me with a set of clubs but i got them racks on deck booiii

It's apparently not just random fans who desperately seek players' attention on Twitter; Woodyard does too...

WW: hey @BrianDawkins can i get a RT? I'll make sure the radios in the Locker room aren't super loud this yr if you do lol
BD: Lol jive turkey!RT @WoodDro59: hey @BrianDawkins can i get a RT? I'll make sure the radios in the Locker room (cont)
WW: gotta love @BrianDawkins even if hes a double timming jive turkey lol i knew that tweet would make you laugh lol

Our congratulations go out to Dan Gronkowski and his new bride!

One of the best days of my life yesterday. Just married the girl of my dreams. Everything was amazing.

Doug is IAOFM’s resident newsman and spelling czar. Follow him on Twitter @IAOFM

Tweets of the Week

Recent Game Coverage

All Game Coverage