Today’s Lard is sponsored by the force of gravity

Good Morning, Broncos fans! We get a lot of complaints when we go "off-topic" here, especially when it concerns the activities of a certain former Bronco (even if prompted by a current Bronco, or the greatest Bronco ever).

Anyway, to quote another former Bronco, we DOOOONNNTTT CAAAAAAARRRRRE. For the record, nothing regarding a current or former Bronco is ever even close to being off-topic, and we never claimed we'd write solely about the Broncos here, anyway, so there's also that.

With that in mind, we're dedicating this space today to highlight the words of one of the great scholars of our time, one Jose Canseco. Granted, Canseco never even played in the NFL, even less for the Broncos. But would anyone doubt that if we were to ask him, Jose would say he could have been an NFL HOFer?

Good enough for us.

Professor Canseco recently took the time to explain the history of gravity on our little planet:

Ancient gravity was much weaker...You ever wonder why nothing REALLY big exists today in nature...elephants today eight tons supersaurs two hundred tons a totally different world. why?...Animal tissue of muscles and ligaments could not support huge dinosaurs even standing up or pump blood up 60 foot necks...Gravity had to be weaker to make dinosaurs nimble...My theory is the core of the planet shifted when single continent formed to keep us in a balanced spin...The land was farther away from the core and had much less gravity so bigness could develop and dominate...I may not be 100% right but think about it. How else could 30 foot leather birds fly?

Oh, I don't know, Jose. Physics? Aerodynamics?

The thing is, we shouldn't laugh all that hard, because given his credentials, Canseco could probably land a teaching gig in Oklahoma.


Ryan Clady says the rehab for his surgically repaired rotator cuff "will be about a five-to-six-month process" and will likely preclude him from doing a whole lot in training camp. The All-Pro adds that he's not happy about the franchise tag Denver is about to tender him with, but he accepts that looming reality.

Jeff Legwold considers the possibility of Denver pursuing Ravens LB Danell Ellerbe, and he's the first writer we've seen in several weeks to describe the Broncos' cap situation correctly - the team has around $14M in space, and about 2/3 of that will be eaten up by a franchise tag on Ryan Clady.

Mike Klis figures former Jags DT Terrance Knighton could be a natural fit for Denver given his shared familiarity with Jack Del Rio, although we'll disagree that the position wouldn't be a need if Justin Bannan and Kevin Vickerson were under contract. After all, Bannan will be 34 in two months, and tackles often take time to develop. Klis also lists some potential draft and free agency targets at DT.

It's not often we agree with Bill Will, but talk of the Broncos looking for Nate Irving or Steven Johnson to emerge as the starting Mike was something of an eyebrow raiser. Granted, it's time for Irving to step up, both players showed brief flashes last year, and there's always the chance Joe Mays accepts a sharp pay cut to stick around and compete with the two youngsters. And perhaps the team figures it can fall back to re-signing Keith Brooking or adding some other veteran, but that could again leave the team without a starting Mike who can cover anyone.

Bill Will and Matt Williamson wonder if Chiefs bust DT Glenn Dorsey, who's an unrestricted free agent, would be a fit with the Broncos.

Captain Obvious says most of Denver's draft picks tend to be guys who attended the combine, but he misses out on the most obvious point of all - that key players like Chris Harris and Tony Carter didn't get an invitation to the ball.


Bucs DE Da'Quan Bowers showed yesterday that he's not much smarter than Professor Canseco, by trying to carry a loaded .40 caliber pistol onto a commercial flight out of LaGuardia.

The Chiefs signed safety Husain Abdullah, formerly of the Vikings, and brother of old friend Hamza Abdullah.

Darrelle Revis says his relationship with Sexy Rexy is great, and the issue of whether he'll be a LOLJet much longer will instead come down to the whims of team owner Sticks Johnson.


Albert Breer considers the bright future of the combine as NFL revenue generator, and the idiotic idea of having prospects compete in Indy (Insert NFL commercial on its tireless dedication to player safety here).

Mike Mayock thinks KC has four viable options at #1 - Alabama guard Chance Warmack, Carolina guard Jonathan Cooper, A&M tackle Luke Joeckel, or Central Michigan tackle Eric Fisher. The Chiefs taking a guard first overall would be the biggest AFCW LOL moment since Oakland took JaMarcus Russell.

Then again, the entire league was laughing when the Broncos took a preacher at #25, and when Shanny made any of his early picks, as we were just discussing with our good friends Mo Clarett, Willie Middlebrooks, Marcus Nash, Darius Watts, Jarvis Moss, Jeremy LeSueur, George Foster, Terry Pierce, Dorsett Davis, Paul Toviessi, and Chris Cole.

In Manti Te'o's book, using the national media to perpetuate a massive, bold-faced lie doesn't qualify as doing anything wrong, and he figures it won't harm his draft stock in any way.

Former Gamecock Marcus Lattimore echoed his doctor's claim that he'll shock the world with the progress of his surgically repaired knee, and Mayock thinks the running back could go as early as the third round.

Bucky Brooks sees younger versions of Charles Woodson, Percy Harvin, and Henry Melton among this year's prospects; Joeckel tops Gil Brandt's list of the top 100 draft-eligible prospects.

Although Matt Bowen likens the combine to a take-home test, he sees plenty of value within it.

Christmas Ape nabbed a copy of the new combine aptitude test, and he translates PK's MMQB for us lesser lights.

Who was Mike Shanahan's worst draft choice in Denver?

Doug is IAOFM’s resident newsman and spelling czar. Follow him on Twitter @IAOFM

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