I survived the first eight weeks of the Broncos' season and all I got was this lousy tee-shirt.
At least I'm still two games up on that narcissist Peter King.
As we usually do, we ask our random number generator (RNG) to makes its picks for the week’s NFL games. We then compare these picks to the so-called experts. To make things even more lively, I include my cat, Jesus Quintana, in on the picks, along with Doug Lee and myself (Doc Bear is too smart for this). The RNG is simply armed with the notion that 57% of the time, the home team is a winner in the NFL. Quintana picks between two quarters as I drop them to the floor. Doug Lee uses his lightning-fast mind.
I use Kahlua and a proprietary mathematical formula. If that doesn’t work, I contemplate infinity until the picks come.
This week, we continue our section called Peter King Actually Wrote This.
So how has the RNG done this week? And am I really dropping the cat out of the picks?
|Jason Cole||74||117||63.25%||Peter King||67||117||57.26%|
|Mark Schlereth||73||117||62.39%||Michael Silver||67||117||57.26%|
|Les Carpenter||71||117||60.68%||Pete Prisco||63||117||53.85%|
|Ron Jaworski||65||108||60.19%||Merril Hoge||62||117||52.99%|
|Yahoo Users||70||117||59.83%||Doug Lee||62||117||52.99%|
|TJ "The Dude" Johnson||69||117||58.97%||Adam Schefter||62||117||52.99%|
|ESPN Pigskin Pick 'Em||69||117||58.97%||Eric Allen||56||117||47.86%|
|Mike Golic||68||117||58.12%||Raiders Fans||4||117||3.42%|
Let's deal with Quintana first. Last week I said I was going to retire him from making picks. I still plan on doing that, and put in his place a tool each week that allows Fat Man readers to enter this game. I'm just not there yet. So until i can get that accomplished, we'll have to see just how low Quintana can go. The good news is that he'll never be as bad as Raiders fans.
After making a bit of a run, Doug Lee fell back to the pack again last week. He'll need a strong 2nd half if he's going to catch Peter King and an even stronger showing to win this thing.
I keep slip sliding away from the top spot, sitting 5 games back of uber-nerd extraordinaire, Jason Cole. I'm even behind the Yahoo Users now, which is pitiful. The truth is that I've been hitting the Kahlua pretty hard, but that's going to stop this week. I expect to fully recover and make a big-time run at the top spot over the next eight weeks.
The RNG did well last week and finds itself again in the middle of the pack--just as you would expect. Thus far, it does indeed appear as if a random number generator is smarter than some experts. My hope is that, by the end of the year, it's smarter than Peter King.
For those of you who are new to this weekly, you might be wondering what I have against Peter King. Nothing, really. I'm just mean.
Now, on to the picks for Week 9:
|WEEK 9||Random Number Generator||Jesus Quintana||TJ "The Dude" Johnson||Doug Lee|
Quintana's Upset Specials
As always, we encourage you to do the exact opposite of Quintana. He's a freakin' cat named after a character from a slacker movie.
- Tampa Bay over Atlanta. Quintana thinks Raheem Morris is a prophet.
- Cleveland over New England. Quintana has his Hillis jersey on again.
- Dallas over Green Bay. Someday the Cowboys are going to explode on someone. That day is today.
- Cincinnati over Pittsburgh. Quintana loves Boomer Esiason in this game. He thinks the zone-blocking scheme of the Bengals means big things for Ickey Woods.
Peter King Actually Wrote This
There's something about Qwest Field, like there was something about the Kingdome. Teams traveling six hours to get there often have a tough time winning, and this will be tougher than the G-men hoped. Ahmad Bradshaw will be big late in this game, icing it.
PK, that something is noise, not voodoo. Teams don't play well when they can't hear the play call or the audible.
If you like to see The Dude slack off 24/7, you can always find him on Facebook and Twitter. Or you can email him at: email@example.com. He assumes you are following It’s All Over Fat Man on Facebook and Twitter, but if you are not, that’s nihilistic.