Terror plots were thwarted this week.
If only I could thwart Peter King.
As we usually do, we ask our random number generator (RNG) to makes its picks for the week’s NFL games. We then compare these picks to the so-called experts. To make things even more lively, I include my cat, Jesus Quintana, in on the picks, along with Doug Lee and myself (Doc Bear is too smart for this). The RNG is simply armed with the notion that 57% of the time, the home team is a winner in the NFL. Quintana picks between two quarters as I drop them to the floor. Doug Lee uses his calculator mind.
I use Kahlua and a proprietary mathematical formula. If that doesn’t work, I contemplate how many chicks Brett Favre has picture-texted his junk until the picks come to me.
This week, we continue our section called Peter King Actually Wrote This.
So how has the RNG done this week?
|Jason Cole||66||104||63.46%||Ron Jaworski||57||96||59.38%|
|Chris Mortensen||66||104||63.46%||Peter King||61||104||58.65%|
|Mark Schlereth||64||104||61.54%||Doug Lee||58||104||55.77%|
|TJ “The Dude” Johnson||63||104||60.58%||Adam Schefter||56||104||53.85%|
|Mike Golic||62||104||59.62%||Merril Hoge||55||104||52.88%|
|Michael Silver||62||104||59.62%||Pete Prisco||54||104||51.92%|
|Les Carpenter||62||104||59.62%||Eric Allen||50||104||48.08%|
|ESPN Pigskin Pick ‘Em||62||104||59.62%||Jesus Quintana||45||104||43.27%|
The RNG is holding its head above water and, as you would expect, is beating several of the experts.
Jesus Quintana is simply getting crushed at this point. I’m probably going to retire the cat after the bye week and open the slot up to Fat Man’s readers, so we can get some real competition in here. Am I going to tell Quintana? No way. I still have to live with him.
As predicted last week, Doug Lee is making a run, while I continue to lose ground against nerds Jason Cole and Chris Mortensen. Could someone just shove these two into a locker so that they miss this week?
Now on to this week’s picks.
PIcks for Week 8
|WEEK 8||Random Number Generator||Jesus Quintana||TJ “The Dude” Johnson||Doug Lee|
You’ll notice the RNG took the 49ers. Because the 49ers are technically the home team, they have a 57% statistical edge with the RNG. Don’t blame the machine for not knowing San Francisco isn’t London.
Quintana’s Upset Specials
As always, I urge you: do the opposite of the animal if you care about your picks.
This week Quintana has only one upset special, and that’s the Sea Chicks over the Raiders. Quintana tells me that when everyone begins to drink Oakland’s Kool Aid, that is precisely the time to bet against them.
I happen to agree. The Raiders are still the Raiders. One game does not a turnaround make; it doesn’t make Tom Cable’s haircut any better.
Peter King Actually Wrote This
I really don’t have a reason to dislike Peter King. In fact, there are times I think he’s done some great stuff. His Monday Morning Quarterback and Weekly Picks are not these times. He comments on every single game as if he’s watched them all by Sunday night, which of course, he hasn’t; I don’t think I’ve ever seen him pick a correct score (yes, he tries to pick the exact score, folks); he sometimes writes some bizarre stuff, like this doozy:
Halloween night in New Orleans. National TV. Michaels and Collinsworth. Feisty crowd. Very loud. Steelers without one of their five most valuable players, defensive end Aaron Smith.
It’s Halloween and the Steelers are losing their 5th-best player. Scary indeed, King. But hardly worth all of that. That’s like saying the Broncos are going to be without the services of Robert Ayers—oh, they are. And what’s with the Michaels and Collinsworth stuff sandwiched in between the big-game imagery? I didn’t realize Chris Collinsworth sets the tone like this.
Feel free to give us your feelings on any of the games. Better yet, be prepared to make your own picks when we bench Quintana.
If you like to see The Dude slack off 24/7, you can always find him on Facebook and Twitter. Or you can email him at: email@example.com. He assumes you are following It’s All Over, Fat Man! on Facebook and Twitter, but if you are not, that’s nihilistic.