Mid-term elections? Who cares.
Stay home and watch me go negative on Peter King.
As we usually do, we ask our random number generator (RNG) to makes its picks for the week’s NFL games. We then compare these picks to the so-called experts. To make things even more lively, I include my cat, Jesus Quintana, in on the picks, along with Doug Lee and myself (Doc Bear is too smart for this). The RNG is simply armed with the notion that 57% of the time, the home team is a winner in the NFL. Quintana picks between two quarters as I drop them to the floor. Doug Lee uses his lightning-fast brain.
I use Kahlua and a proprietary mathematical formula. If that doesn’t work, I listen to Fox News and MSNBC at the same time until the picks come to me.
This week, I’m introducing another section called Peter King Actually Wrote This. You’ll see why after the jump.
So how has the RNG done this week?
|Jason Cole||57||90||63.33%||Les Carpenter||52||90||57.78%|
|Chris Mortensen||57||90||63.33%||ESPN Pigskin Pick ‘Em||51||90||56.67%|
|TJ “The Dude” Johnson||56||90||62.22%||Doug Lee||50||90||55.56%|
|Mark Schlereth||55||90||61.11%||Adam Schefter||50||90||55.56%|
|Ron Jaworski||50||83||60.24%||Merril Hoge||49||90||54.44%|
|Yahoo Users||52||90||57.78%||Pete Prisco||47||90||52.22%|
|Peter King||52||90||57.78%||Jesus Quintana||42||90||46.67%|
|Mike Golic||52||90||57.78%||Eric Allen||42||90||46.67%|
|Michael Silver||52||90||57.78%||Raiders Fans||2||90||2.22%|
The RNG and Jesus Quintana are starting to really eat it after 6 weeks, but interesting enough, they are still not last. Thank Simon Fletcher (God) for Pete Prisco, Eric Allen, and of course, Raiders fans. Otherwise, our little experiment would be bombing completely.
Last week Doug Lee successfully picked 9 games correctly, and as predicted, he’s moving up this list.
At the top of the list, I’m in a dogfight with two of the biggest nerds on the planet—Jason Cole and Chris Mortensen. I’ve got to figure out a way to shake them.
Schlereth is also making a move, but even linemen—unlike Raiders Fans—have lucky weeks.
Now on to this week’s picks:
|WEEK 7||Random Number Generator||Jesus Quintana||TJ “The Dude” Johnson||Doug Lee|
How can Jesus possibly pick Buffalo over Baltimore on the road? I don’t know, he’s a cat. I think he’s half drunk when he makes his picks. Don’t shoot the messenger. I suppose it’s part of his shock-and-awe strategy. If you’re not in awe of his picks, they will at the very least, shock the hell out of you.
Quintana’s Upset Specials
Again, I urge you. Do the opposite of the animal if you care about your picks.
1) Jacksonville over Kansas City. Unlike the rest of the nation, Quintana thinks Kansas City still blows. It’s just a matter of time before they show it. He’s also thinking wishfully because he wants to see Denver one game back by the end of the weekend.
2) Miami over Pittsburgh. With James Harrison thinking too much, and Ben Roethlisberger already believing his own press clippings, the Steelers are due for a letdown.
3) Buffalo over Baltimore. How is this possible? It’s not. Quintana thinks Jim Kelly and Thurman Thomas are due for huge days. He says Steve Tasker also blocks a punt in this game.
Peter King Actually Wrote This
I really don’t have a reason to dislike Peter King. In fact, there are times I think he’s done some great stuff. His Monday Morning Quarterback and Weekly Picks are not these times. He comments on every single game as if he’s watched them all by Sunday night, which of course, he hasn’t; I don’t think I’ve ever seen him pick a correct score (yes, he tries to pick the exact score, folks); he sometimes writes some bizarre stuff, like this doozy this week:
St. Louis Rams (3-3) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2)
I know this game seems like a clunker—it is a clunker—but the one thing about it I really like is that we’ll be seeing two quarterbacks (Josh Freeman and Sam Bradford) who’ll be among the top 10 in the league in 2017.
2017? Well, I’m just a slacker with too much time on my hands, but isn’t that 7 seasons from now? What’s next, King? You going to tell us that you really think Tim Tebow will start for the Broncos by 2016?
I’d rather he just make another pass at Brett Favre.
If you like to see The Dude slack off 24/7, you can always find him on Facebook and Twitter. Or you can email him at: email@example.com. He assumes you are following It’s All Over, Fat Man! on Facebook and Twitter, but if you are not, that’s nihilistic.