The Dude’s Mail Sack: Draft Sean Weatherspoon because he likes Van Halen!

Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer it—after bowling practice.

TJ, how you like me now?  
 
--B Marsh, South Beach, Florida (kickin' it, I would add)
 
B Marsh:  Felicidades, my man.  I can't blame you for cashing in.  If any of us were in your position, we would have done the same thing.  Well, I'm not sure if I would have punted the football in practice like that.  And I'm guessing Rod Smith never tried it, but perhaps you were just showing McDaniels the "versatility" he likes by demonstrating you had a bigger leg than Mitch Berger.  
 
But seriously, congrats.  The common fan just doesn't have the capacity or appreciation for how you played this out.  It was clever, and I for one, love a good actor.  Bravo.  Don't let any fan tell you otherwise.  I expect--following your leadership--we'll see our fair share of preschool teachers pulling up lame with hamstring injuries next month in the hopes they can hold out for contract extensions from other preschools.  You've set the bar pretty high, though.  And I commend you for it.
 
I give you my word that I simply will  not stand idly by and watch Broncos fans take shots at you as you walk out the door.  If I see someone doing it, I'm going to take their arm and shove it right through a television screen in your honor. 
 
You are now the highest paid wide receiver in the history of the NFL.  I think you ought to treat yourself to some McDonald's.  
 
You are now richer than Jerry Rice.  But at least he has golf to fall back on.

Dude, you still like Iupati at #11?  There's still time to change, you know.  

 
--P Jakovac, Boise, Idaho
 
M: Jakovac, what sort of a name is this?  Sounds a little too much like crackerjack to me.    And that's probably what my pick is right now.   So I better change.  When I saw the excitement with which Sean Weatherspoon tweeted earlier this weak after visiting the Broncos, I'm going to be honest with you.  The thought of quiet and well-mannered Samoans left my mind.  Here is what Weatherspoon tweeted on Tuesday:
Great meeting with Coach McDaniels, Martindale and Roman Phifer! I can dig it! What does Twitter think about me and DJ Williams side by side
Weatherspoon then proceeded to take pictures of Brian Dawkins' locker, which got him even more excited.  I'm telling you right now, if Weatherspoon is getting this amped up just looking at Brian Dawkins' locker, imagine what he'll do when he sees Dawkins' adamantium claws for himself. 
 
The other thing I didn't realize about "Spoon" until someone alerted me to the fact, is that he's a fan of 80s-hair metal. Check out this video of Sean rocking to Van Halen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyafsfciih8
 
Spoon is the kind of guy that lights up the room.  And he's has the ability to be a 3-down LB, despite playing at 250 lbs. as a senior.  He would also bring some vocal leadership to Broncos linebacking corp.  As Eric Edholm wrote in Pro Football Weekly:
The self-professed motormouth was easily one of the first leaders established on the fields of the Senior Bowl practices.  Although he barely had been introduced to his teammates 24 hours prior, Weatherspoon was barking orders about where they needed to be lined up. 
So mark me down for Weatherspoon at pick #11.   I also think that with Marshall gone they'll take a run at wide receiver Arrelious Benn and nose tackle Terrence Cody in the 2nd round, and try to hope that tackle/guard Vladimir Ducasse lasts until round 3.  If Tony Scheffler is traded in the next several days for a 3rd round pick, add Toby Gerhart to the list as well.   
 
Don't ask me to choose between Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth, please.  It tears my heart.  
 
Mr. Lebowski, I really liked your numerology segment in last week's mailbag.  Can you use this power to predict the number of wins the Broncos will have next year?  You know, just for entertainment purposes.
 
--Darrell  Icht, Las Vegas, Nevada
 
Darryl: No problem. I often use the 8-Ball and the most recent Woody Paige column for this sort of thing, but for a Broncos fan, I'll make an exception. This one is easy. Let's use this phrase:
 
JOSH MCDANIELS FOREVER!
 
This is the phrase that I've recently tatooted in one of my private areas. Thus, I feel strongly about it. We simply assign our corresponding numerical value to each letter in the phrase and we find the following:
 
(J)1+(O)6+(S)1+(H)8+(M)4+(C)3+(D)4+(A)1+(N)5+(I)9+(E)5+(L)3+(S)1+(F)6+(O)6+(R)9+(E)5+(V)4+(E)5+(R)9 = 95--> 9+5 =14 wins.
 
There you go. The Denver Broncos are going to go 14-2 next year. Are you not entertained!
 
El Gran Hombre, do you think it's a big deal that Tim Tebow only scored 22 on his Wonderlic?  Or is it just another excuse for us fans to spend more time watching television?  
 
--Garr  Denwerk, Victoria, British Columbia
 
Garr: I'm glad you brought this up. It gives me a chance to wax poetic on my favorite subject. The Wonderlic. I hear all the time from the voices in my head about how unimportant the Wonderlic is. After all, Dan Marino and Vince Young only scored 15 (Marino's is often reported as 16) and look how good they were/are. While it is true that there isn't a correlation between the NFL's QB Rating System and and wonderlic scores, I'll never pass up an opportunity to demonstrate that John Elway is and always will be a better quarterback than Dan Marino.
 
Here are the Wonderlic scores of the last 10 Super Bowl winning quarterbacks:
 
Drew Brees: 28
 
Ben Roethlisberger: 25 (amazing, eh?)
 
Eli Manning:39
 
Peyton Manning: 28
 
Tom Brady: 33
 
Brad Johnson: Unavailable
 
Trent Dilfer: 22
 
Kurt Warner: Unavailable
 
John Elway:29
 
Brett Favre: 22
 
I'll go out on a limb here and guess that Kurt Warner and Brad Johnson are smarter than Dan Marino and Vince Young. Even if we eliminate Warner from the list, the average of these quarterbacks is 28.25, or MUCH higher than Dan Marino's score.
 
Again, there is NO correlation between the Wonderlic and QB Ratings. It's been studied.  It's only a pure coincidence that John Elway has two more rings than Dan Marino, even though Elway went to Stanford and his Wonderlic was 14 points higher.
 
Dan sure threw for a lot of yards, however. And he really yelled--a lot!
 
Garr, did you say something about Tim Tebow?
 
TJ, Charlie here again! I've taken some time off from my aerobics instructor job, and I am considering trying out for the Denver Broncos cheerleaders. What do you think my chances are at the age of 26? Am I over the hill or do you think my tight dancer's body will be enough? And whom do I contact?
 
--Charlie, Colorado Springs, Colorado
 
Charlie: You've asked a timely question. And for an aerobics instructor to use whom in the proper context, I'm quite impressed. Try outs for 2010 are beginning on April 25th! You've still got time to get ready. In fact, Teresa Shear, Director of the Broncos Cheerleaders has an entire web page devoted to the tryouts. They are even opening some of the final auditions to the public. Wow. You know all of us at MHR will be pulling for you. In fact, I may use this weekly forum to push your candidacy. If you haven't heard, I may, at some possible point in the future, have the potential to perhaps speak to John Elway through one of my imaginary friends. I'll put in a good word with you. I'm kind of a big deal, despite the fact that I blog from the basement of my parents.
 
As for your age, haven't you heard? 26 is the new...well, 26. You'll be fine. There's no need to go all Bill Romanowski on us. You're no older than a NFL running back entering his prime. So break a leg...or the competition. Be warned, however, the Broncos Cheerleaders all scored higher than Dan Marino on their Wonderlic. And they are HOT.
 
Just promise me one thing. I'm hoping that the Broncos Cheerleaders will decide to be the unofficial postal workers for the Dude's Weekly Mail Sack here at MHR. If you make the club, please ask them to consider it.
 
Originally posted at MHR

If you like to see The Dude slack off 24/7, you can always find him on Facebook and Twitter. Or you can email him at: tjthedudejohnson@gmail.com.  He assumes you are following It’s All Over Fat Man on Facebook and Twitter, but if you are not, that’s nihilistic.

I’m glad we had this talk.  Now, vaya con Dios, Brah.

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