Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer it—after bowling practice.
TJ, I know I said last week that I thought Kyle Orton's neckbeard was sexy, but that's until we signed Brady Quinn. He's absolutely dreamy. Have you seen his pecks? His biceps? Everyone wants to know, is he going to start in 2010?
Charlie: You 26-year-old aerobics instructors are so fickle. You're lucky I only receive a few questions a week. But, I do love me a good story, so absolutely. If you think there is a reason for everything, then you've got to believe in Quinn. The guy grew up living and dying with the Browns. He's well versed in the history of "The Drive" and "The Fumble." He knows that when it's all said and done, the Broncos will always beat the Browns. Always. It's destiny. Browns fans know this. Broncos fans know this. So we should accept fate. In fact, when Quinn was introduced to the media earlier in the week, the first thing he said he remembered about the Broncos growing up were "the comebacks."
This is just another chapter in the Broncos-Browns saga. The kid that was shunned by the team he grew up cheering for will now play for the team that he grew up cheering against. The Quinn story can now come full circle. It's almost biblical.
Then, there are all the strange coincidences. Quinn has 5 letters in his last name. So did Elway. Bizarre. You can't say the same about Griese, Plummer, Cutler and Horton (the 'h' is silent). Also, if you multiply Quinn's number in college (10) by 3, you get 30. If you multiply Orton's number in Denver (8) by 3, you get 24. And what do you get if you subtract 24 from 30? That's right, number 7. Weird.
Or McDaniels simply got a good back-up quarterback for the price of a 6th-rounder and a fullback who he had no plans to utilize. You decide.
In truth, although Josh McDaniels denied reports last year that he had actually targeted Quinn before he traded for Orton, there were multiple sources that indicated otherwise. Apparently, that fire was still burning one year later. We also know that McDaniels considers Charlie Weis, Quinn's college coach and the guy who taught McDaniels how to call plays, a "great friend and mentor." So if you don't think the topic of Brady Quinn has ever come up in their conversations, you are kidding yourself. And here is what Weis had to say about Quinn:
I don't think this guy has to go to a program and be groomed for a year. If there was ever a quarterback who was ready to go for the last two years it's him. He's got hammered in the last two years by me so he can take it by anybody. If there is a guy who would be ready to go after walking in that door, he fits the description.
Quinn says he didn't come to Denver to be a back-up quarterback. I'm taking him at his word.
Teeeeee Jaaaay, I know you are an insider and you are holding back. Give up the goods. Do you think John Elway is just keeping his mouth shut about the whole Denver quarterback situation because he is being a good soldier? Or have you spoken with him and does he tell you super secret things that he really thinks about Josh McDaniels?
--Nick, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Nick: You're correct. I have been holding out on you. Elway has potentially called me and it's my possible understanding that he might, on occasion, have an opinion on the QB situation. Or, there might be another reason. He has a life and isn't rushing to find a camera so the world will know his opinion about Josh McDaniels.
In those private conversation that I have with Elway (so private, in fact, they are inside my head), he tells me that he wasn't a fan of Brian Griese's play. Nor that of his own when he threw 3 interceptions in a game. So this could or could not mean that he is a fan of Kyle Orton. I'm not sure about his leanings towards Brady Quinn, although I'm sure he thinks Quinn is good-looking. We all do.
By the way, I think it's time we erect a statue outside of Invesco field of Elway. Every single team that I have ever seen does this. I don't care if Flyod Little is the reason the Broncos didn't leave Denver. I like bronzes. They are good for the economy. Michael Jordan has one. And it pisses me off that Dan Marino has one and Elway doesn't. In fact, let's put up two bronzes of Elway just to show Miami we mean business. I really like bronzes.
Next time I talk to Elway, I'll ask him his opinion of Jordan (and bronzes) and get back to you.
Lebowski, you're my boy. Should we sign Terrell Owens? The guy is really cut, he's got a winning smile, and they rejected him for the latest season of Dancing With the Stars. He might be a good insurance policy in case Eddie Royal regresses again, and if nothing else, it would be cool to have T.O. and Baby T.O on the same team.
--T. E. Owens, Buffalo, New York
T E: Interesting proposal, but what happens if Baby TO and TO both throw temper tantrums in practice? Our punters and kickers will probably have to head down to Dick's Sports to buy some footballs. Also, if you haven't heard, Josh McDaniels is just trying to win a bleeping game here. A 36-year-old wide receiver isn't in the cards.
Dude, bigger draft bust? Marcus Nash or Jarvis Moss?
--William Frank Middlebrooks, Toronto, Canada
William: That's a teeth-gnashing question. Do you go with the guy Shanahan drafting at the end of the first round who had 4 career receptions or the guy he picked at 17 who has 3.5 career sacks? Can I call it a wash? From a monetary standpoint, even adjusted for present values, the Moss deal cost the Broncos more money. But if I must choose, when it doubt, go with the guy that would win in a cage match. Moss could take Nash, I'm quite sure, so I'd say Nash was the bigger bust. Seriously, though, Moss is still playing and there's a chance, although small, he could still produce.
How about Maurice Clarett? Using a 3rd round pick on a guy who never even saw the field might be even worse, although in Shanahan's defense, he did get Clarett to sign a terrible, incentive-laden contract.
Dude, I like your style. How about a limerick in honor of the departed Peyton Hillis?
--Samuel E., Los Angeles, California
Sam: I couldn't have thought of a better idea myself. For whatever reason, Hillis wasn't in the plans for Josh McDaniels. I think he'll have a good chance to succeed in the west coast system they are installing in Cleveland. Alright, Peyton HIllis, this one's for you:
Peyton HIllis, we salute you
punishin' dudes through and through.
Your runs killin' DBs,
Droppin' em to their knees,
May fortune follow you anew!
If you like to see The Dude slack off 24/7, you can always find him on Facebook and Twitter. Or you can email him at: firstname.lastname@example.org. He assumes you are following It’s All Over Fat Man on Facebook and Twitter, but if you are not, that’s nihilistic.