The Dude’s Mail Revue: Haley is looney

Dude's Mail Revue 400x145

Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions and gets your opinion about the state of the Denver Broncos.

You wanna roll your way into the semis? You want a toe--with nail polish--by 3 o'clock?

Drop TJ your question:

(NOTE: No marmots were harmed in the writing of this revue)

TJ, what are the chances that Todd Haley shakes Josh McDaniels' hand this time around?  What are the chances that McDaniels doesn't shake Haley's?  Haley is such a loon.  They should put a straitjacket on that guy.

--Dr. Harleen F. Quinzel, New York City

Dr. Quinzel: You're spot on about Haley.  I'd say he needs a sedative, too.  It's widely known throughout the league that Haley's got a bit of a temper problem.  His yelling and screaming matches with Kurt Warnerwith Anquan Boldin, and with Terrell Owens are well publicized.  Haley was the wide receivers coach for the Cowboys at the time of the incident with Owens, and team owner Jerry Jones actually considered disciplining Haley for leaking details of the confrontation with Owens to the media.  Haley has also managed to piss off players like Patrick Crayton and Brian Waters.  In short, Haley's nasty reputation follows him everywhere.

Haley couldn't even bring himself to issue a direct apology to McDaniels after the finger-wagging incident.  In a half-assed way of satisfying the Chiefs' PR department, Haley simply apologized to the world in general at a press conference.  He probably uses the royal "we" all the time.

Haley sees himself as a baseball-cap wearing version of Bill Parcells; he believes he can ride players into the ground.  The difference between Haley and Parcells, however, is night and day.   Parcells had presence.  Haley just has no sense.  As Jason Whitlock recently wrote:

...Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weis — K.C.’s new coordinators — are getting most of the credit for the Chiefs’ improved play. Haley keeps trying to make an impact with “bold” decisions — he opened the Indianapolis game with an onside kick. The problem is, his daring decisions are failing most of the time.

Haley wants to be Sean Payton. Haley is Todd Haley, an insecure head coach.

Earlier in the year, I had praised Haley for fitting the system to his players instead of trying to fit the players to his system, but after the finger-wagging incident, I woke up and realized that perhaps Weis and Crennel were really the ones doing the fitting.  Whitlock simply confirmed the suspicion.  

All of this aside, Haley will absolutely shake hands after the game this Sunday.   There's simply too much criticism that he would take if he didn't.   I can tell you exactly what will happen, too.  If the Chiefs win the game, Haley will give a deep handshake and perhaps put his other hand on Josh's arm.  If the Chiefs lose the game, he'll make it real short and quick, Mangini-Belichick style.  

As for McDaniels, he may not have a director of video operations, but he's got enough class to shake the hand of the opposing coach no matter what the result.

TJ, did you see that Woody Paige recently completed his 100th Mail Bag at the Denver Post?  It got me to wondering: how many Mail Revues have you done anyway?

---Gordon Krantz, Corvallis, Oregon

Gordon: I did notice.  I wouldn't say Woody is a fan of the Mail Revue, but he does know I mock him; he has sent me a nice email about it.  I usually send both he and Lindsay Jones of the Denver Post a link to the Revue each week.  I've thought about sending one to Jeff Legwold, but I think he had his funny bone removed at some point.  Mark Kiszla and Dave Krieger might laugh, but they seem like the same guy to me, so I figure I'd confuse email addresses. 

Woody has made himself into a celebrity.  You have to give him credit for that.  He plays the whole crazy-old-man bit on Around the Horn perfectly.  Yes, sometimes he rambles  (for 1,500 words).  Yes, sometimes he name drops (if I have to hear another John Elway story, I'm going to vomit).  Yes, sometimes he tries to give an opinion and never actually gives an opinion.  But the guy isn't boring.  I'd rather be interesting and stupid than talented and boring any day of the week.

As far as the number of Mail Revues I have done, The Fat Man research team tells me that I've done 11.  When I was writing for Mile High Report, I probably wrote another 8 or 9.  So, let's say I'm around 20.  So I marvel at that windbag Paige.  Do you know how hard it is to give meaningless answers to meaningless questions each and every week?

Okay, it's not that hard.  I'll be at 100 in no time--even if the closest I've come to walking through the streets of London with John Elway is in my imagination.

Dude, even though Tim Tebow has been seeing the field this year, we still really don't know how much progress he's made in his mechanics and if he's advancing enough to become an NFL quarterback.  Has there been any news on this?

--Christian Gurl, Colorado Springs, Colorado

Christian: The best information we have comes from Legwold several days ago:

...McDaniels chats with him often about the game, things to look for, adjustments the offense would have to make in particular situations.


As far as Tebow's development overall, McDaniels has said he hasn't considered yet whether he would start Tebow in a game this season if the Broncos were to be mathematically eliminated from the playoffs in the coming weeks.


He also said one of the things Tebow is working through at the moment is the way defenses change week to week in the NFL. In college, teams largely stick to their particular schemes, with only subtle tweaks depending on the opponent.

We know Tebow is getting scout team reps, but we're not going to know for sure how much progress he's made until we see him in game action this year.  When McDaniels is going to pull that trigger is anyone's guess.   It will be another interesting subplot in a dramatic season.   Right now, McDaniels will be hard pressed to play Tebow because he's coaching for his future: he knows playing Tebow is not going to help him win right now so that he lives to coach another season (unless Bowlen has given McDaniels private assurances that he's back for 2011).  In short, he's probably going to have to ride this thing out with Kyle Orton.   However, if the Broncos drop a few more games in a row, McDaniels may actually see Tebow as a spark.


When the Broncos drafted Tebow, I was frustrated with the pick.  But, as everyone has said, it's almost impossible not to like this guy and pull for him.  He's the anti-Cutler.  And that's good enough for me.  


Oh - and if God decides to take Tebow's side - you know, during the game and all, I'm cool with that too.

TJ Lebowksi, this has to be the worst dog-gone defense I've ever seen the Broncos put on the field.  Let's dump Wink Martindale and bring back Joe Collier.

--D. Edward Reeves, Atlanta, Georgia

D: While that sounds tempting, I have a better idea.  Let's get Wink Martindale to watch this instead:

How many times should he watch it?  As many as it takes, Mr. Reeves.  As many as it takes.  

TJ, I'm beginning to enjoy your perspectives on waterboarding.  Got any candidates this week?

--KJ Un, Korean Peninsula 

KJ: why yes, in fact, I do:

chiefs fans

And now, for my boy Josh McDaniels, who's gotta hang tough in the face of tough times....

Unrelated Glam-Rock Bit 

This Week’s Glam-Rock 80s Song/Video:  Hang Tough  (1982)

Artist: Tesla

Why It’s So Bad It’s Good: 1) Wind and Rock Always Go Together  2) Headbands, dude 3) Unbuttoning your shirt for no apparent reason

Best Existential Lyric: “Took a shot to the chin, looks like you just can't win..."

I’m glad we had this talk.  Now, vaya con Dios, Brah.

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