A year later, and Tim Tebow is still as polarizing as he's ever been.
From his religious views to his throwing motion, the cat has split Broncos Country like Al Davis splits time between sanity and loco--which is to say, about half the time.
If a weed-smoking Boulder liberal can't come to common ground with a Christian Baptist from Colorado Springs over the game of football, what has this world come to?
Pack it up. The Chinese have won.
It forces me to tears--little Tiny Tim (Tebow) tears.
I can't stand it any longer. I'm going biopolar.
Here are ten reasons to hate (love) Tim Tebow:
Ten Reasons I Freakin' Hate Tim Tebow
10. When the Broncos are playing, God gets distracted from helping Bernard Hopkins beat people silly.
9. Those 100 situps you did this morning? Tebw did more.
8. Al Davis will still swallow your soul.
7. No more orange-and-blue condom giveaway promotions.
6. The lockout isn't a blessing! I have to clean out the garage, while someone named Timmy gets to play with more sledgehammers.
5. I secretly dreamt of being the Jockey spokesman since I was like, I don't know, four years old!
4. The Broncos won't go 16-0. Only Jesus can do that.
3. Tebow got to work out with Von Miller before I did.
2. Broncos Cheerleaders are now required to wear promise rings and lose the assless chaps.
1. Tebow just makes me look bad!
Ten Reasons I Freakin' Love Tim Tebow
10. If there is a God, the Broncos are favored.
9. The wife now lets you count Broncos games as "going to church" on Sundays.
8. The Broncos' fan base tripled in the Philippines. Manny Pacquiao says it quadrupled.
7. All the bad stuff Bill Romanowski did? Forgiven!
6. Every time Tebow passes for a touchdown, an angel gets his wings.
5. It is easier for a Bronco to pass through the eye of a needle than for Philip Rivers to enter into the kingdom of division titles.
4. The Chiefs, Chargers, and Raiders are now Gator bait.
3. The next time you say, "Oh, God, please let the Broncos win," it will actually happen.
2. Ghosts of Mile High? Yeah, holy ghosts, dude!
1. Tim Tebow eats evil for breakfast--with extra blueberries on top for antioxidant protection.
TJ Johnson can be reached through telegraph, ESP, Spanish interpretor, or via email: email@example.com. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter if you want to see him mock "the man." He assumes you are following It’s All Over Fat Man on Facebook and Twitter, but if you are not, that’s nihilistic, man.