PMFM = John Hughes-era dudebro Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Orlando Franklin has spent quite a bit of time under the knife/laser this offseason.

We already knew that Franklin underwent shoulder surgery shortly after the 2012 season ended, and corrective eye surgery, during which he had contact lenses implanted permanently.

But he also had surgery to repair an injured toe, which he says is fully healed, unlike the shoulder, which he puts at 85% of full health.

We've lost track of all the procedures undergone by Denver's starting linemen, but as far as we know, Zane Beadles is the only one not recovering from some type surgery.

Broncos

Videos: Orlando Franklin and Robert Ayers meet with the press; Eric Decker pied Franklin at Coors Field.

Ayers blames his own immaturity and a lack of opportunity (scheme) for his not having met the expectations of a first-round pick, and he thinks he can be a more effective pass rusher this season.

In what will surely be a common refrain for the rest of the year, Joel Dreessen notes that last year's imports are fortunate not have to learn a whole new offense and set of verbiage this season.

That latest prank orchestrated by Peyton Manning was part of a trip by about 30 Broncos players to see the Rockies play, and it's worth noting that Peyton was the only one dressed like either a professional golfer or a frat dudebro from a John Hughes flick.

KSU long snapper Corey Adams will participate in this weekend's rookie minicamp but isn't seen as a threat to Aaron Brewer.

Andrew Mason correctly points out that Denver's offseason was flavored by the reality that the team expects the defense to be in nickel most of the time.

While Clark Judge agrees that the Terrell Davis comparisons are a bit much, he's interested to see how Montee Ball fares in Denver.

Robert Mays details the maze of draft pick trades which eventualy led to Denver getting Demaryius Thomas and Eric Decker, but he whiffs on the fact that Denver traded Clinton Portis away prior to the 2004 Draft.

PETA sent a letter to Von Miller discouraging his new poultry business on the grounds that it's animal cruelty. I wouldn't go that far, but would love to hear Von say he's not crating his chickens, and instead will raise them with a free-range lifestyle (not only for the animals' sakes, but because free-range chickens taste better and don't need to be pumped full of antibiotics!).

News

Levi Strauss will pay $220M over ten years to have the new 49ers home be called Levi's Stadium. 70% of that money will be going to the public agency which helped fund the stadium's contruction, which is a rare bit of good news regarding sports welfare in America.

San Diego hosted Steelers T Max Starks; Oakland visited with and reportedly offered a contract to Browns KR/WR Josh Cribbs, who is also set to visit the Jets and Giants.

Cleveland added former Texans tackle Rashad Butler; Tennessee signed former Jags RB Jalen Parmale and released RB Jamie Harper; New England are meeting with RB Felix Jones; Detroit will host Colts T Winston Justice.

Corner-turned-safety Ronde Barber is calling it quits after sixteen great years for Tampa Bay.

Ron Jaworski and WVU OC Shannon Dawson are speaking up in support of Jets QB Geno Smith, who's been called every racist codeword ever applied to black quarterbacks. Gregg Doyel sees in Smith's critics a bunch of gutless cowards, and he offers some strong support of Geno that was notably omitted from Nolan Nawrocki's selective hit piece.

Tim Tebow

Jags GM Dave Caldwell reaffirmed his lack of interest in touching Teebs with a ten-thousand-foot-long pole.

But legendary Bucs LB Derrick Brooks, now an Arena League owner, is convinced the Ultimate Teammate™ will get another shot in the NFL as a quarterback, if he waits long enough.

Mike Silver continues to allow one game to overshadow everything else he knows about the Ultimate Self-Promoter™, and he actually deems it unfair that the circus which follows Timmy around is contributing to teams not wanting anything to do with him. Silver even quotes Vinny Testaverde as the latest self-promoting QB tutor to claim he's totally fixed the lefty who throws like he's a righty.

Meanwhile, Doyel also blames the Zombies for Tebow's unemployment, but at least he doesn't have the nerve to claim Teebs is getting unfairly blackballed.

Analysis

Patrick Hruby says the switches from Faith Hill to Carrie Underwood on SNF, from Wes Welker to Danny Amendola in New England, and Chris Kluwe to Jeff Locke in Minnesota aren't necessarily about anything more than going younger and cheaper.

But the governor of Minnesota disagrees, and he thinks there's something to the notion that Kluwe was replaced partially due to his outspoken activism.

Thanks to one PMFM, Willis McGahee and Knowshon Moreno faced hardly any eight-man boxes last season.

If anyone out there knows that Cowboys TE Jason Witten has the most catches in NFL history of any player through age 30, they are a trivia champion.

Doug is IAOFM’s resident newsman and spelling czar. Follow him on Twitter @IAOFM

The Lard

2014 Offseason

Offseason coverage