Lard with a ponytail

Happy Friday, friends.  Doug's still vacationing, I'm still pretending to fill his shoes, and from the looks of our numbers, y'all are still reading us.  Fridays are pretty awesome, so we're going to start with something that's extremely awesome.  My favorite ESPN personality John Clayton, as you've never seen him before.  (Unless you saw this video yesterday.

I knock ESPN, because they employ annoying jackasses like Clayton and Chris Berman, and because I think they generally underachieve despite massive resources.  That's the best This is SportsCenter I've seen in a long time, though.  Devil its due.

Who's excited for a full slate of NFL action this weekend?  You know I am.  Let's get to all the news that printed to fit.

Broncos

Reporters who know little about football tend to like obvious trends.  Nobody likes obvious trends more than Captain Obvious, Jeff Legwold.  He'll have you know that it hasn't escaped his attention that Willis McGahee is going to be 31 in October, and that RBs usually are broken-down and ineffective by then.  I like the throwaway quotes that Mike McCoy, Peyton Manning, and McGahee himself gave Rolodex Jeff - you can just read the annoyance with which they are speaking to him.

Solid work as usual from Lindsay Jones, talking about how Knowshon Moreno got inspiration in his ACL recovery from Willis McGahee.  She got McCoy to give her some quotes that didn't sound like the swoosh of a fly swatter.  She also notes that James Harrison still hasn't practiced at all ths preseason, and that Rashard Mendenhall and Isaac Redman were listed as full participants.  Chris Kuper remains the only Bronco on the injury report.

Legwold did some analyzin'.  He thinks the Broncos-Steelers game somehow comes down to the middle linebackers for both teams, Joe Mays and Larry Foote.  Pretty typical Legwold fare - you don't read the DP for football analysis anyway, right?

Leggy's been busy - he wrote an answer to a reader question about the biggest question mark for the team.  He thinks it's Peyton Manning.  I think that's completely stupid.  He goes on to list some other minor things he sees as risks, like the fact that Eric Decker and Demaryius Thomas have been injured in their lifetimes, and the fact that the Broncos "only" kept 9 offensive linemen.

The DP's Benjamin Hochman adds his contribution to the pile of stories about how the NFL is leaving its former players broken-down, and at higher risk for untimely deaths.  It's really kind of a weird, and poorly-written article, that goes on the following intellectual path:

1.  Football is dangerous - here's some data that says so.

2.  Football is dangerous - you as fans shouldn't probably care.  Just watch the games!

3.  You shouldn't feel bad for NFL players becuase they're rich, and people idolize them.

4.  Nothing is going to change.

5.  The people to feel sorry for are the college guys who never made it.

I don't know who Hochman is, but from this small sample size, I hope he doesn't become a regular on the Broncos beat.

I know you were wondering where Klis was at - here he is, noting that the Broncos have the 11th oldest roster in the NFL.

LJ notes that Demaryius Thomas has missed both season openers in his career, and says he's excited to be healthy for this one

Steelers

The Ben's wife is pregnant, and is due any day now.  He says that if Baby Roethlisberger is born Sunday, he'll miss the game.  That's pretty big news, and there's a fun shot at at the fatherin' skills of Travis Henry in the article.

Steelers fans.  Just a reminder of who we're dealing with here.

Once again, if you want Steelers content, use a search engine.  Maybe try Bing today.

Other Teams

Jack Harbaugh thinks Art Modell belongs in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and he's right.  Harbaugh calls out the voters, who we all know are self-important ass-clowns, who like to grind personal axes, and act like the arbiters of morality.  Florio doesn't think calling them out is the right approach to getting Modell enshrined, and he's right about that too.  The fact is, it's going to take a veterans committee to get Modell in, and it'll have to be 20 years or so down the line.  I think Harbaugh may as well call out the wankers now for their wankery.  At least it feels good.

Here's a great take on Modell as a scumbag, by Tom Scocca from Deadspin.

Greg Jennings is uncomfortable when men grope him during the Lambeau Leap.  He also thinks the Packers will be letting him walk, and that Jordy Nelson is underestimated because he's white.

1.  I’m not in the arguing business, I’m in the saying what I think business.
2.  I get my information from my eyes.

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The Lard

2014 Offseason

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