For months I had been working on a new men's cologne called Elway.
The name was just local color.
My true intention was combining the pungent smell of the Broncos' locker room with the grassy aroma of the Mile High turf
Originally, the name of the cologne was going to be Johnson 9-5 on account of the fact that it took about an hour for you to work up enough sweat so that your female coworkers could get a whiff of your "natural" pheromones.
The name Elway just sounds better. I don't anticipate it will help sales in the least. My lawyer told me to say that, but in my heart, I believe it.
The strong scent was guaranteed; the results with your female coworkers were not.
Now that I've received a letter from some NFL quarterback telling me to cease and desist with this cologne, I'm guess I'll just write some limericks wrapping up this week's most interesting news.
There once was a band from the Fort.
So many fans they did not sport.
But then they changed their name
to nab some Elway fame.
Yet they still could not draw support.
The real Elway's temper got short
and he threatened them in fake court.
Yet the lawyer was real,
and the letter had zeal.
Would the name change the band abort?
They laughed and gave John the finger.
The name would stay, the fans would linger.
"Get a life, John," they said.
"Elway, go check your head.
Thanks to you we outsell Winger."
TJ Johnson can be reached through telegraph, ESP, Spanish interpretor, or via email: email@example.com. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter if you want to see him mock "the man." He assumes you are following It’s All Over Fat Man on Facebook and Twitter, but if you are not, that’s nihilistic, man.