If these Broncos were an 80s video, what video would they be?

(Warning: This has very little to do with the Denver Broncos.  But it's midnight and it's the day after Christmas and I don't care one bit.)

People often come up to me on the street and say, "Dude, you're an expert on the Denver Broncos. Would you mind telling me what band from the 80s you think Tim Tebow is?"

Often, I'm so wrapped up in my life as a highly influencial facilitator of the powerful elite, I have little time for these sorts of trivialities.  

Until now.

Tim Tebow

Let's face it, it's almost impossible to find anything wrong with this guy off the playing field.  So there's only one video that comes to mind:

I'd thought about Madonna's Like a Virgin or Stryper's To Hell With The Devil, but Adam Ant seemed somehow appropriate.

Champ Bailey

All Champ does is blanket wide receivers.  He's been the best Denver Bronco since his arrival in 2004.  Here's what I've got for the guy who stays with the opposition's #1 wide receiver step for step, game after game:

No Ryan McBean jokes, please.  There were hundreds of songs to describe Champ's greatness, but very few that implied he was so close in coverage he was listening to the defender breathe. 

Joe Mays

It's no secret, Joe Mays hits harder than a freight train if he's going downhill.  It's that sideline-to-sideline thing that gets him into trouble.  He's a rose with thorns:

Rock You Like a Hurricane from the Scorpions was a tempting choice here, but it just didn't fit.  Mays is a flawed hero.  

Willis McGahee

1,000 yards with three different teams?  McGahee ran all night and day:

Chris Kuper

I was wrong about Kuper.  I thought all he could do was zone block.  As it turns out, Chris can just mow dudes down.  That's Mr. Kuper if you're nasty:

Yeah, you're right, I should have went with Hungry Like The Wolf by Duran Duran.  It's too late now.

Britton Colquitt

Colquitt has easily become one of the best punters in the game.  He's been dropping bombs over fifty yards with regularity:

This video is proof that bling and camouflage never go out of style.

Von Miller

The best pass rusher the Broncos have seen since Simon Fletcher.  This immediately came to mind:

I almost went with King of Rock from Run DMC, but I'm not passing up Rick James.

Elvis Dumervil

Screw it.  Hail to the King, baby:

D.J. Williams

D.J. is one of the most talented linebackers to ever put on a Broncos uniform.  Unfortunately, 500 defensive coordinators and 50 positions later, he's never been able to stay consistent from year to year.  Does anyone really know D.J. from year to year?

Yeah, in fact I did have to reach into the vault for this one. 

Matt Prater

Like Colquitt, Prater has been money this year when the game has been on the line.  This one was easy:

I’m glad we had this talk.  Now, vaya con Dios, Brah.

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