Gut Reactions - Super Bowl Sunday

It's finally over, Broncos fans.  The 2010 NFL season is in the books.

During perhaps the wildest year in the history of the Denver Broncos, the Super Bowl was won yet again by an unexpected wild-card team.

I saw it fitting, then,  to give you one last wild Gut Reactions--a dollar late and a day short.

Let's get right to the Positives, the Negatives, and the Who The Heck Knows.

The Positives

1) We witnessed a competitive Super Bowl, which is a very good thing, unless your only concern is how much guacamole dip you can pound in a three-hour period.  I enjoyed watching two defenses that don't just make blitzing a habit--they make it an art form.  Thank you, Mr. Capers and Mr. LeBeau.  For those about to draft defense with the 2nd-overall pick, we salute you.

2) Although Green Bay came out sluggishly in the 3rd quarter (and without critical players like Charles Woodson), when it came down to the Steelers' final drive, they didn't do the stupid thing and sit back in deep zone coverage while Ben Roethlisberger picked them apart.  As they say, you ought to dance with the girl that brung ya.  The Packers were and are a blitzing team.  That's ultimately what won them the game.  Hopefully, Dennis Allen will bring this additional wrinkle to the Broncos' defense next year.

3) Aaron Rodgers escaped the shadow of Brett Favre.  Make no mistake about it--this coming out party was as cathartic for Rodgers as was Steve Young's when he won his Super Bowl (minus Joe Montana sexting his junk to women with large breasts).  Rodgers was fantastic, despite his receivers dropping several critical passes. Drive yet another nail in the coffin of the legend myth of Brett Favre.   Maybe we'll all get lucky and Peter King will finally admit that Elway was a better quarterback than Favre.

4) Detroit took their image head on in a commercial.  Actually, it was Chrysler trying to sell you all a luxury car, but while they were spending all that money on Eminem's appearance, it was sure nice of them to try and vanquish--in tough-guy style--the stereotype of Detroit as America's wasteland.  I'm sure the Detroit Economic Growth Corporation was as happy, happy as a pimp on a Detroit street corner.

5) I didn't hear a lot of players on the field senselessly thanking god for their victory.  God is sort of busy on other things right now, you know, like the Middle East, world poverty,  and making sure Tim Tebow gets enough sponsorships lined up in case he doesn't unseat Kyle Orton.

6) How awesome was this Darth Vader ad?  So awesome, the Broncos are considering trying this move out when they unveil their defensive stunts next year.

Oh, this was an ad for a car?  Funny, I couldn't tell.  But someone just wasted a lot of money making me think a lot about Darth Vader.

7) It's always good when you can work a beaver reference into something.  This wasn't a bad commercial, and it had "beaver" written all over it.

8) Watching Shannon Sharpe right before kickoff filled me with pride.  That's a bit of a punk move since, as a fan, I had nothing to do with what he did on the field.  Still, registered high on the "Cool Index."

9) While you were watching yesterday's game, Tim Tebow did 10,000 sit-ups, 20,000 push ups, studied his playbook in a hyperbolic chamber, and just because he could, he helped an old lady across the street.

10) Jeff Legwold is already thinking of a stat with which to bore the hell out of you this week.  Why is that a positive?  It means you'll be coming to Fat Man this week.

The Negatives

1) Ben Roethlisberger's performance wasn't anything to write home about.  His first interception was one which he blamed upon his shoulder having been hit while he was throwing.  While that's technically true, he would have still thrown into double coverage on that play.  It will be interesting to see how some of the more guilt-ridden fans in Pittsburgh react to Big Ben now that they won't be able to hide their shame in supporting Roethlisberger behind a Super Bowl win.

2) Since we're on the subject of Roethlisberger, let me say this---don't encourage your kids to hold NFL players up as role models.  It's a quick way to be disappointed.  They'll never live up to the high standards that you have.  Further, these guys get paid money to entertain us so that billionaire owners can form a league in which they milk taxpayers subsidies for stadiums and sell ads to beer companies, all while pretending to care about concussions and player safety.  In other words, this stuff is too complicated for kids (or Christina Aguilera, for that matter).  Gone are the days (if they ever existed at all), when it was "just a game."  Also, for good measure, remove from your vocabulary "for the love of the game."  Get ready for an 18-game season, a rookie salary cap, and for the players to take some serious ramming from the owners.

3) That was the worst Super Bowl halftime show I've ever seen.  Will.i.Tron sounded more like Max Headroom, and Fergie's version of Sweet Child O' Mine was completely ridiculous.  Perhaps she was only lip syncing to the sounds of cats in heat, so I shouldn't be too hard on her.  I look forward to Axl Rose's next lawsuit.  Let's hope he sues over Fergie's flashing shoulder pads in addition to her rendition of the 80s hair-metal classic.  Where do we go?  Where do we go now?  Hopefully, Fergie goes back to simply taking off her clothes and making horribly awesome sexual innuendos.

Our old friend John Bena apparently loved the halftime show.  John, my friend, you may know the Broncos - but you're way waaay off when it comes to halftime shows.

4) Do we really need another damn wave of superhero movies?  I'm just getting over the idea of Green Lantern and The Green Hornet.  Now, we've got to make room for Captain America and Thor?   I know I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing Thor makes its way to the Wal-Mart $5 bin by next X-Mas.  They should have done Thor animated in the same vein as Beowolf.  

5) I'm offended by people who are offended by anything they read or hear but still laugh at beer commercials during the Super Bowl.

6) My friend Ted Bartlett was completely right when he wrote on Saturday that John Elway should just pipe down.  You'd think that Elway was coach, GM, and Joe Ellis' mouthpiece at the same time by the way he's hitting the airwaves.  One day, Kyle Orton is the starter; the next, well, who the hell really knows?  Could someone let me know when the Broncos have hired a head coach?

All of this talk from Elway is really giving the fan base a sense that Elway knows what he's talking about.  For a guy who said he knows what he doesn't know, did he tell us anything he actually didn't know last week?  Just checking.

7) Great, just what the world needs.  A car that provides you Facebook updates.  Look, man, if you need to hit up your car to find out if the girl who you just kissed likes you or not, you've got bigger problems than rear-ending the guy in front of you while getting updates from Facebook.

8)  A hundred bucks says Brett Favre was secretly wishing Aaron Rodgers would lose yesterday.  Two hundred says John Madden and Peter King would say that's cool.

9)  Now that there's nothing left to distract us, get ready for endless lockout discussion.  

10) Now that there's nothing left to distract us, get ready for Brian Xanders to speak more often.  

The Who The Heck Knows

1) You know what you're not reading about?  A bunch of players on Twitter blasting Charles Woodson for not trying to finish the game with what we now know was a broken collarbone in the 3rd quarter.  Of course, there's a huge difference between a collarbone and a knee.  Oh,  and there's the little part about most players in the league actually respecting Woodson.  Woodson also delivered one hell of a motivational speech during halftime as well, something I'm sure Jay Cutler couldn't do while busy texting.

2) When Clay Matthews was on the podium celebrating with Aaron Rodgers, do you think it occurred--at least for a few minutes--to Brian Xanders that he could leak another story about how much he wanted to draft Matthews over Robert Ayers?

3) Sometime in about 2007, making fun of Ozzy Osbourne became a national pastime, even for Ozzy himself.  When Justin Bieber gets invited to the party, however, then you know something has gone incredibly wrong.  If only Osbourne would return to the days of tearing the heads off bats, this whole crazy world would return to normal.

4) If you've never hit "Reply to All" and wanted to do this, consider yourself lucky.  Oh, and I consider you to be a liar.

5) Joe Buck always dresses twice as well as Troy Aikman.  He also got worked up when he saw Alex Rodriguez being fed popcorn during yesterday's broadcast by Cameron Diaz.  Even Ryan Seacrest is getting suspicious now.

6) What's worse, the guy at work who suddenly becomes a Packers fan today or the Steelers fan who makes every excuse in the book?

7) Jerry Jones really didn't make as much money as you think he did yesterday, did he?

8) There seemed to be a ton of commercials during the Super Bowl that had to do with cars in some way.  I'm not sure that means we're all the way out of a recession yet, but it sure as hell means that someone wants you to think we are.

9) Are you ready for the sheer number of mock drafts you're going to be choking down before April?  That's fine.  Mental masturbation has its place.  Al Davis has been doing it for years, and he seems rather spry.

10) I went to GoDaddy's website to watch the raunchier version of the commercial they ran during the Super Bowl.  I wasn't any more amused.  Honestly, I was more turned on by watching Roseanne Barr getting into a logging accident.  

I’m glad we had this talk.  Now, vaya con Dios, Brah.

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Gut Reactions