Gut Reaction: Week 15 - Broncos 22, Chargers 10

Sometimes even Batman has to throw up at halftime.

Perhaps, as Bruce Wayne, he ate a tainted Double Bacon 6Cheese™. Perhaps he couldn’t fit the Batmobile into the parking lot at Walgreens during flu shot week. Perhaps the thought of running the ball so much made him sick.

At the end of the day, it didn’t matter. The AFC West is the villain that always gets it in the end. The Jokers, the Riddlers, and the Penguins (or Chargers, Chiefs, and Raiders, if you prefer) all go down.

Where do they go from here? Are they a passing team that runs, or a running team that passes?

Who knows? Just bring the damn utility belt packed with kryptonite to face Tom Brady in the AFC Championship.

The Positives

  1. You can’t stop Chris Harris. You can only hope the referees (or a pick route) stop Chris Harris. And they won’t. They can’t. He’s too good. By the way, can you believe how much whining Phil Simms and Jim Nantz did when Harris didn’t get called for an illegal contact penalty? Sorry, Simms and Nantz. This isn’t a city council meeting. Shut up, already.
  2. What’s better than a Peyton Manning touchdown? Manning going all fullback and knocking back linebackers. Okay, a touchdown is still better, but still, you get the point. It’s all about commitment, people.
  3. I can’t remember the last time John Fox won a challenge, but two words come to mind: Britney Spears.
  4. Welcome back, Julius Thomas. His catch against Eric Weddle was a great lesson in why it’s so hard to defend him. If the ball is a fly, Thomas is a fly trap.
  5. C.J. Anderson’s jump step is what makes him better than all the other Broncos running backs. I say that knowing that Montee Ball has a pretty good jump step.
  6. Yes, if you were wondering, Virgil Green is that important to the running game.
  7. Is it just me, or does the defense seem to get tougher each week under Foxball (shhhh, don’t tell anyone I said that)? Malik Jackson, in particular, seems like he’s totally psychotic (no, not literally).
  8. Britton Colquitt may not punt well, but at least he can save a touchdown after he punts poorly. Also, he looks pretty good holding on field goals. (You know, I really should have said something about Demaryius Thomas here instead of focusing on the punting game).
  9. Connor Barth is like the guy with one testicle—not quite as powerful as he should be, but getting the job done.
  10. Aqib Talib is one of the very best cornerbacks in football at reading a quarterback while maintaining leverage in man coverage. Anyone can do it in zone, but Talib understands the quarterback has to eventually look at where he’s going with the ball.

The Negatives

  1. Melvin Ingram is no lightweight, to be sure, but Ryan Clady’s kickstep on Ingram’s strip sack was as slow as a chamber of commerce pledge drive.
  2. Perhaps Clady was already injured when it happened. If that’s the case, let me go ahead and say that Chris Clark’s kick step was even slower after Clady got injured.
  3. Three field goals in the red zone? I almost threw my Justin Timberlake Tumbler against the damn wall.
  4. The thing I like about Brandon Marshall? Unlike a lot of linebackers in today’s game, he makes a lot of solo stops. That’s why I hated to see him go down with an inury.
  5. I’ll say it until I’m blue (and orange) in the face: Wes Welker should not be returning punts. It’s a car crash waiting to happen.
  6. Thank god Peyton Manning didn’t pull a Ferris Bueller and barf up a lung in the second half. Brock Osweiler looked as comfortable as I am walking through a women’s prison.
  7. Antonio Gates is such a jagged little pill to swallow.
  8. Thankfully for the Broncos, the Chargers can only accept one holding penalty at a time.
  9. Denver was 3/12 on third down. That won’t be good enough in the playoffs.
  10. The Broncos clinched the AFC West for the fourth straight year. Unfortunately, that won’t satisfy John Fox’s detractors until he wins the Super Bowl.

The Who The Heck Knows

  1. Watching Johnny Manziel’s debut in Cleveland was like watching a mouse explore a boa constrictor’s terrarium. It wasn’t going to end well. On a side note: lizards and snakes make excellent Xmas gifts. They are also higher forms of life than say, Raiders fans.
  2. I’ve accepted the fact the Broncos are going to be the conference’s #2 seed. Now, if I could only accept that I won’t be getting that vacation home in Maui for Xmas.
  3. Nothing says, “Go F#$% yourself, San Diego” like emojis, according to these Broncos fans.
  4. Peyton Manning’s illness is a perfect example of why I am trying to lobby the NFL to put nurses on the sidelines—naughty nurses.
  5. Okay, I finally figured out why I hate Philip Rivers. He looks like Chet (Bill Paxton) from Weird Science.
  6. Yesterday I donated my old Eddie Royal jersey to a homeless shelter. I was tired of waiting for the Broncos to sign a Hall of Famer with the #19. The alternative was to change my last name to Royal, to which I gave serious consideration.
  7. Danny Trevathan has the worst luck with injuries. Maybe the dude just needs to pack it in for the season and heal permanently. Luckily he returned in the fourth quarter. Hopefully, it’s not a down payment on his next injury.
  8. It’s good to see Derek Wolfe use his hand outside the confines of beating offensive linemen over the head.
  9. In some quantum universe, I’m Governor of Colorado and Nick Novak doesn’t miss two field goals today. This game comes down to another kick from, you guessed it—Nick Novak.
  10. You see that John Fox picture from his early days? He really does look like Roger Daltrey.

I’m glad we had this talk.  Now, vaya con Dios, Brah.

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