We all find comfort in the familiar.
The flannel shirt you wore right out of the dryer, your girlfriend’s banana bread, a Showgirls marathon on TV—these are the things that make us whole.
But nothing gives comfort like a game against the Oakland Raiders.
Perhaps it’s the porous coverage or the liquid tackling. Or maybe it’s just the way Raiders fans act like they could bite the head off a bat but really go home and play 50 Shades of Grey.
Whatever it is, it sure is fun. These Raiders are committed, not to excellence, but to the Broncos’ creature comforts.
- Happy Veterans Day to U.S. military veterans. Military service > football any day of the week.
- C.J. Anderson can tell his grandchildren that for at least one game, he looked like Barry Sanders. Seriously, friends, can you remember a Broncos running back looking like that on a touchdown in the last ten years?
- Look, I’m not saying he’s Chuck Norris or anything, but shouldn’t we at least consider using Chris Harris, Jr.’s saliva as the source of our drinking water?
- Von Miller spins so often off the edge now, he’s more Dwight Freeney than he is Derrick Thomas. Do I care? No, as long as he terrorizes linemen.
- DeMarcus Ware, way to stay at home on the reverse. That play was critical to holding the Raiders to three points on their first drive of the game. Even though the Broncos ended up blowing out the one-eyed pirates, the effect of this play can’t be overstated.
- I thought the Broncos’ linebackers were as good in coverage in this game as they’ve been all year.
- Speaking of the Broncos’ linebackers, Brandon Marshall reminds me of RoboCop. Left for dead in Act 1, he’s the future of Broncos justice in Act 2.
- Bradley Roby, keep on bringing it. They may be picking on you now, but eventually, your MC Hammer will turn into Jay-Z.
- Emmanuel Sanders is a much better route runner than expected. Could explain why he’s racking up BINGO like it is ladies' night at the local senior center.
- Julius Thomas strikes again. And again.
- Give it up to the Broncos defense. Until their last drive, the Raiders had fewer total yards than C.J. Anderson.
- Expect every team the Broncos play from here on out to continue to drop at least seven men into zone coverage on passing plays. If it works for the Raiders, it can work for anyone.
- In the first half, Peyton Manning’s throws were weak, erratic, and his footwork looked like something from Dancing With The Stars. An overthrow into zone coverage is a recipe for turnovers. So is throwing only with your arm.
- Like Sebastian Janikowski, good kickers never age, they just get fatter. Seriously, I hate that guy, but only because he’s making a lot more money and smoking a lot more weed than me. Also, he probably picks up girls with that dough-boy body. What a jackass.
- Charles Woodson might be older than Nick Nolte or Gary Busey on a bender, but for this game, he was as spry as he needed to be.
- I’m probably judging John Fox way too harshly here, but why not go for it in the first quarter with the ball at the two-yard line and down 3-0? Perhaps Fox though the Broncos would only score 10-14 points?
- Von Miller’s sack dance was something resembling a half seizure.
- Kansas City should have lost today, and I find the fact that they beat the Bills to be a direct reflection on Kyle Orton’s facial hair.
- If you listened to the radio broadcast, you heard Eddie McCaffrey losing his voice as the Broncos’ color man. Poor bastard. Of all the places to lose your voice, it had to be Oakland. How else are you going to yell for the cops when Raiders fans try and steal your shoes on the way to the bus?
- Hide the women and children. The Broncos still had 12 penalties for 95 yards.
- I’m usually quick to criticize Ronnie Hillman, but not today. He played hard for a guy with a bum foot.
The Who The Heck Knows
- Way too early to bless the Broncos’ changes at offensive line. Anytime Manny Ramirez plays guard, I get a little scared. And let’s remember, this was the Raiders.
- The next time a pair of Raiders fans breeds, it will be one time too many. There just aren’t that many spaces left in the Black Hole—unless, of course, we expand our definition of the Black Hole to all of Oakland. Even then, do you really want to see Al-Davis-tattoo guy sucking face with Chucky-nose-ring girl?
- For all the talk last week that Bill Belichick and Tom Brady own Peyton Manning, just as I thought, few made mention that of the 16 times Brady has faced Manning, 10 of those games were in New England.
- Can the Raiders go 0-16? Stop now, that’s a rhetorical question.
- Tim Tebow, move over. There’s a bigger name at bible study these days.
- No way the Raiders move to San Antonio. It’s too close to the Dallas Cowboys, and only Mark Davis’s father would have had the balls to stand next to Jerry Jones at the urinal.
- Greg Gumbel could use a wardrobe change. I recommend watching American Hustle and going from there.
- Only the Raiders could do something legal (fumble) illegally (by passing to an offensive lineman).
- Only the Raiders could lose a timeout by challenging a turnover, which is always under review.
- Brandon McManus didn’t suck today, and I call that improvement.