This week, the US Government confirmed the existence of Area 51.
It means that weird stuff does happen, not just in the proximity of a Skip Bayless tweet.
Tonight, the Broncos saw just how absurd things can get: a kickoff returned against them for a touchdown, a fumble recovery returned the length of the field for a touchdown, and that doesn’t include the freak injuries to key players.
It got so odd, the Broncos should be happy aliens didn’t land on the fifty-yard line and take Von Miller captive for four weeks of testing.
For now, let’s just hope the Broncos get back to Denver, lick their wounds, get to the next game, and leave the strange probing to Roger Goodell.
- Despite tonight’s events, Peyton Manning still looks like a stronger quarterback. There's little reason to think he's not going to dominate again this year.
- Wes Welker: good as advertised. And better at playing white slot guy than Danny Amendola.
- In the pre-game show, Rod Smith on hard work: “It doesn’t matter what other people think of you. It only matters what you think.” It’s good advice for us all, not just Mitch Unrein.
- Danny Trevathan looks like a real linebacker this year at 240. Additionally, he played above average, which simply means, in tonight’s game, he didn’t suck as bad as some others.
- How did I know when Montee Ball entered the game? In two words: jump cut. Also, the ball didn’t hit the ground.
- Speaking of fumbles—sure, Julius Thomas fumbled once, but overall, can you deny the guy is electric? All he does is catch the football wherever it’s thrown. His blocking? Well, everyone has to work on something.
- Outside of one play, I’m grading Manny Ramirez tonight at least as good as a french fry dipped in a Frosty.
- Demaryius Thomas is such a huge target, even Richard Sherman’s ego can’t cover him.
- John Fox went for it on fourth down yet again. What’s gotten into this guy? A weekly colon cleanse?
- In a night of fright, Tony Carter managed to get his name on television a few times for good things like tackling and catching.
- The Seahawks decided to take it up a notch on their first defensive series and disrupted the rhythm of the Broncos passing game with their bump-and-run coverage. Why so serious, Seattle? Didn’t you get the message that Peyton Manning destroys man coverage?
- I said last week that Stewart Bradley would struggle in coverage, but I didn’t necessarily mean it would be with the mental aspects of recognizing coverage. Consider my previous statement amended. He might struggle in both recognition and, well—that whole covering thing.
- If you’re looking for a reason to keep your kids out of football, look no further than Derek Wolfe’s head injury in the first quarter. I’d say the our thoughts and prayers go out cliché, but really, as a Broncos fan, you just want the guy to be okay, to be able to move his arms and legs, to be able to eat breakfast tomorrow with a spoon. Take your vitamins, kids, but also, play soccer.
- This is a rarity, but Chris Harris got worked over on the Seahawks’ first touchdown. Harris already had inside leverage, so there was no need to get turned to the inside the way he did. Champ Bailey didn’t light the field on fire, either.
- Outside of David Bruton, the Broncos’ kick coverage units were horrendous tonight, not just on the touchdown (in which Omar Bolden was held).
- I’m already biased against Ronnie Hillman. Hillman’s fumble at the goal line—the one in which he probably crossed the goal line before coughing it up—didn’t send me out for X-mas cards. And you know what? Super Walmart is open 24/7, y’all.
- Chris Clark, I’m willing to forgive the one penalty, but the same penalty, two plays in a row? The good news for Clark is that my opinion doesn’t mean anything.
- Brock Osweiler looked mostly paranoid tonight. He rushed when he should have set his feet, and he held the ball when he should have thrown it away. It’s like he was playing for the Raiders. In Brock’s defense, Orlando Franklin and Chris Clark did their very best to make third down virtually impossible.
- Tough night for Aaron Hester. If he doesn’t make the Broncos, you’ll probably remember him as Devin Hester’s cousin.
- The officials officially sucked tonight. There, I got that out of my system and saved my dog’s ribcage a good beating.
The Who The Heck Knows
- Before you go off too much tonight, remember, the Broncos did absolutely no scheming this week for the Seahawks.
- Before you go off too much tonight, remember, the Broncos aren’t going to turn it over like they did tonight in the regular season.
- Give this much to Seahawks fans: they are as loud as it comes, even in preseason. A Seahawks fan is louder sober than a Raiders fan after a Red Bull and a hooker.
- Tom Heckert—no one really cares.
- C.J. Anderson--your guess is as good as mine. In fact, it's better. I've been gone for a week.
- The first time I saw the commercial with Peyton and Eli Manning, it was slightly more amusing than a rerun of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.” But to see Verne Lundquist take a whack with his analysis is too much to bear. I had to switch the dial to “Eric and Jessie: Game on.” By the way, guess who at IAOFM drew the short straw on recapping Decker’s reality show? That’s right, yours truly. Here, let me give you a recap of the first episode: they fight, they screw, then they fight while screwing. Somewhere in there, Decker buys a really expensive ring.
- Lance Ball’s chances of sticking around at his salary of $1.323 million? I’d say they’re about as good as Vinston Painter’s chances of shutting down a speed rush.
- I don’t know who I hate more, Jim Harbaugh or Pete Carroll. One guy is a complete ass; the other looks like he’s always trying to get a hot poker out of his ass.
- Brady Quinn just entered the game, which brings me to tonight’s trivia question: which quarterback will have the longest NFL career? A) Brady Quinn B) Kyle Orton C) Tim Tebow
- Trindon Holliday had a good return, but the Broncos couldn’t punch it in. That’s like drinking your own piss for survival. Sure, it keeps you alive, but it tastes like hell.