Ahh, coachspeak. Broncos coach John Fox met with the press earlier today at the Combine, offering a slew of non-answers to the typical softballs. Fortunately, we've been working here at Fat Man on a special coachspeak translator device. Here's what it made of Fox's presser today:
What Fox said (WFS): "With the second pick, you're obviously going to get a heck of a football player."
What he really meant (WHRM): If we don't get a stud at #2, pool boy Xanders is outta here. Trust me.
WFS: "Right now, Kyle Orton is our starter."
WHRM: We expect to receive a 3rd- or 4th-rounder in exchange for Kyle. Who's offering?
WFS: "As far as I'm concerned, (Orton) is under contract and he's the starting quarterback for the Denver Broncos."
WHRM: Wait, did I say 3rd/4th? Sorry, I meant a 2nd-rounder. Pony up!
WFS: "You need more than one back if you're consistently going to run (the football) through the season."
WHRM: When you prefer 1960s-style three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust football, your running backs are being tackled 30 times a game by 300-pound linemen. This is why DeAngelo Williams played in only six games last year. So, we need a lot of running backs.
WFS: "We had two first-round (RBs) when I was in Carolina. I don't think you have to have that."
WHRM: If we had two first-round picks this year, we'd use one of them on a running back. Did you miss what I just said about dust and running backs?
WFS: "I think the biggest thing is going to be adjusting the personnel from the 3-4 to the 4-3...I'm excited, but we've got a lot of work to do."
WHRM: These guys suck. We have a bunch of retreads from the other 31 teams' scrap heaps, and it will be a miracle if we can even come up with 11 guys to put on the field at the same time. I've gotta keep expectations low here. You know I've got a four-year contract, right?
WFS: On the Broncos' chances of winning SB in 2011: "Right now there are 32 teams that are all 0-0. Time will tell, but that's our goal."
WHRM: What's that? Oh, yes sir, Mr. Ellis. Right. Ticket sales. Sorry, I forgot. Luxury boxes? Oh, yeah. Okay. Sorry everyone, I just had to take a phone call. You didn't hear any of that, right? Look, at this very minute we are tied for first place. In the whole league, okay? Where's the next Super Bowl at? Have we blocked out rooms yet?
WFS: "For me in my experience, it's better for us to be a 4-3 (defense)."
WHRM: Xanders wants to go 4-3. He told me that all throughout the past two years, he was pushing McDaniels to use a 4-3 defense, overload the blitz to one side and have Champ cover the other 3/4 of the field. Just like with drafting Clay Matthews and that Orakpo kid, Josh obviously didn't listen. Now look where he's at - carrying Sam Bradford's towel and water bottle around. I know where my bread's buttered.
WFS: On Elvis Dumervil: "We're really anxious to get him back. He's healthy. I see him as a defensive end."
WHRM: I had nothing to do with giving him all that cash. If he doesn't work out as a DE, don't blame me.
WFS: "I have the utmost confidence in Mike McCoy," Fox said. "Style-wise, the system is pretty much the same (as in Carolina)."
WHRM: You didn't really think we were gonna keep chucking the ball downfield, did you? You must be kidding yourselves.
WFS: On Elway: "He's all in. ... He's working hard and he's very willing to learn. ... He understands what a football player looks like."
WHRM: Lots of on the job training. Oh, brother...