Football may begin (Peter King wills it)

Has there ever been a more Peter Kingsian line than the following?

GATE 1, LAGUARDIA AIRPORT, NEW YORK -- Let the season begin.

Mind you, Peter King does not fly out of LGA's Gate C14 or worse, D10.

This is, after all, Mr. Starcock Elite Voyager we're talking about here. Mr. Starcock Elite Voyager only uses Gate 1, he'll have you know it, and don't bother trying to tell him the flight he's on usually departs from Gate B7 in a different terminal.

But aside from that obnxiousness, you should know that the NFL season begins right now.

Not September 5, when the SB Champion Giants face off with their division rival Cowboys on NFL Network.

Not even August 5, in Canton, where the Saints and Cardinals start the preseason in the Hall of Fame Game.

Rather, the 2012 NFL season commences now - because Peter King is embarking on his annual training camp tour. And if that fact were not clear enough, PK has titled his columns from yesterday and today thusly as a reminder:

  • MMQB, Monday Edition: Rested and recharged, I start my annual training camp tour Tuesday
  • MMQB, Tuesday Edition (Because everyday is like Monday when you're reading PK's writing): Ten storylines that will have my attention during my camp tour

While Bruce Allen was busy regaling us with tales of Daniel Snyder's most recent run in the World Chess Championship, PK was apparently refueling thrice daily with his signature Starbucks Quintuple Mocha Java (that's the Java - in Indonesia - not a chemical concoction from some flavoring conglomerate on the Jersey Turnpike) Frappalickballaccino.

We won't get into a full line-by-line takedown here, as the KSK guys have that gig down pat. But there are a couple other items to address.

First, every national football writer considers the Broncos' acquisition of Peyton Manning to be the most notable storyline of the year, and rightly so. As follows, each of them has set some arbitrary benchmark for when Peyton will have proven himself to be back from his injury in earnest. For some, that will come sometime during the preseason, once he's adjusted back to the speed of the NFL game. Several others want to see how Manning rebounds from the first big hit he takes (The guess here is by popping up and screaming at J.D. Walton).

Not Peter. He's got his own special PM barometer:

Really, it'd be better to see him after two weeks of camp, when he's thrown a lot, to see how his arm is holding up. But I'll see Manning on his first full day in pads with the Broncos at 8:50 a.m. Saturday. (Denver practices Thursday and Friday in what will be walkthrough practices, essentially.) Everything I hear about Manning at this point is positive. But everything to this point won't matter if he can't string a few hard, long practices together as he preps for his new life with the Broncos.

When, pray tell, is a practice hard or long enough for PK's liking? Is it measured by the amount of swampass present? Or by the redness of the forehead mark left by the helmet's padding?

Also, by our count, PK uses "I" 26 times and "my" another three times, not counting quotes or reader emails. That's 29 I's and my's among 1,157 of his own words, good for a 2.5% self-referential rate on the brand-new IAOFM EGO (Exceptionally Gruesome Obnoxiousness) Index.

Perhaps Woody Paige will grace us with a mailbag this week and top this standard for dickitude? We can only hope.

Naturally, this prompts what will likely be the most difficult poll question we've posted to date:

Who is the biggest of these noted blowhards?

Doug is IAOFM’s resident newsman and spelling czar. Follow him on Twitter @IAOFM