Don’t go to Houston nightclubs if you’re a pro athlete Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Washington GM Bruce Allen steps in for PK in writing today's MMQB, and he spends the opener shamelessly fluffing the horrible owners he's worked under: Al Davis, the Glazers, and Dan Snyder.

He also says he dislikes "political correctness" (in a locker room), and how could he not say that when his franchise's name is the epitome of racism? Anyway, the whole column is a shoutout to his family and friends, and it's probably more self-referencing than anything PK himself has ever written.

We can only hope the boys at KSK will choose to obliterate this column instead of digging up more vintage PK, because between calling Snyder "brilliantly quick and witty," trying to portray D.C. as the greatest place in the world, and lobbying for his buddies to make the HOF, this is basically MMQB in its purest, most concentrated form. Eau de MMQB, if you will.

Trimmings

NFL attendance has been in a steady decline, if a very slow one, over the past few seasons.

Adrian Peterson says the "Truth will surface" about his arrest in Houston. The Houston Police doesn't exactly have a stellar history when it comes to its treatment of star athletes. Any fan of the 1986 Mets would vividly recall a strikingly similar incident to that of Peterson's which resulted in the arrests of four Mets players. Funny to note that the assistant DA in that old Mets case, who claimed the players' lawyer was overblowing the portrayal of the Houston cops as being overzealous, is Rusty Hardin. Hardin, of course, has since made heaps of money being just as overdramatic, and recently represented Roger Clemens in his (stupid) perjury case.

Scrapple

Jaguars DE Austen Lane sure does plan his day out in detail. 2.5 hours, that is a long time for just working out arms.

As Doug Farrar notes, modern tight ends like Aaron Hernandez and Jimmy Graham, who excel as receivers, will present interesting dilemmas for their teams when their rookie contracts are up. Can their employers really get away with paying them like tight ends when their production is more in line with that of higher-paid wideouts?

Matt Bowen explains how to use a weakside corner blitz, and he breaks down a ridiculous TD run by Marshawn Lynch from last season.

It's been a rough go for journalism of late, with several glaring snafus occurring as newspapers strive to cut costs yet remain relevant.

Oh, what? Skip Bayless is a race-baiting piece of crap? Who knew?!

Passings

Norman Sas, who invented Electric Football, died at 87 (via PFT). Doug Farrar offers a remembrance.

John Williams, an offensive lineman for the Colts and Rams in the 60s and 70s who played in three Super Bowls, died at 66. Jeez, how often do obituaries get the age of the deceased wrong?

Ernest Borgnine, who won an Oscar in 1955 but became known to this child of the 80s for his role in Airwolfdied at 95. Airwolf was pretty bad, especially relative to the shows it aired with (A-Team, Knight Rider) on Saturday afternoons. But that helicopter was so cool, right?

Oceanside, the hometown of Junior Seau, named an amphitheater and a community center after the late Chargers star.

Doug is IAOFM’s resident newsman and spelling czar. Follow him on Twitter @IAOFM

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