The Lard

A comprehensive daily examination of NFL happenings and analysis

PSU investigation yields horrifying results Lard

Good Afternoon, Broncos fans. It's been a very busy day, so instead of just waiting until tomorrow morning, let's get up to date on what's been happening.

Former FBI boss Louis Freeh concluded his investigation of Penn State today by releasing a lengthy report on his firm's findings. It was, of course, to be expected that there would be plenty of blame to go around. And as anticipated, most of it lands at the feet of the school's top administrators and the late Joe Paterno, for their stunning inaction when presented with child sexual abuse accusations against Jerry Sandusky.

But the new details paint a story that's even worse than we previously knew, as if that was possible after the harrowing court trial.

Continue reading "PSU investigation yields horrifying results Lard"

Probably should’ve gone with the Whizzinator, D.J. Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Details have finally emerged regarding D.J. Williams's six-game suspension for failing a league drug test.

And it's a wonder he's only been hit with a six-game ban.

Okay, so he probably wasn't submitting horse piss, as we've joked about here. But he might as well have, considering the circumstances.

Here's what happened: D.J. provided a urine sample last August which was split up and tested for PEDs and recreational drugs. The more thorough PED test turned up no endogenous (naturally occurring) steroids, hence the "non-human urine" accusation.

A sample that D.J. provided the very next month turned up the same results - non-human urine.

Continue reading "Probably should’ve gone with the Whizzinator, D.J. Lard"

Peyton could’ve grabbed more cash in Tennessee Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Giants owner John Mara says it's "ridiculous" to accuse the league of concealing evidence on the long-term effects of concussions.

And you know what? That's true.

After all, the NFL tried very hard not to ever find that information out in the first place, by having a freaking rheumatologist (Jets head doctor Elliot Pellman) head up its concussion committee, and by blackballing CTE expert Bennet Omalu and his pioneering research.

How can anyone possibly accuse the NFL of concealing information that its so-called "experts" did not have the expertise to interpret?

Surely there's a Randian explanation for all of this...

Continue reading "Peyton could’ve grabbed more cash in Tennessee Lard"

John Clayton and Clark Judge have insight beyond our feeble minds Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Yesterday we mentioned that Rusty Hardin (known recently in the sports world for representing colossal dick Roger Clemens) was the assistant DA when a bunch of Mets were arrested in Houston 26 years ago in similar fashion to Adrian Peterson.

Well, guess what? Hardin is now representing Peterson, and he says that not only did ADP not push or shove any cops, but they "struck (Peterson) at least twice in the face."

A spokesperson for the HPD scrambled by saying Peterson will likely only face a fine. But with the clean-imaged Peterson and the high-profile wildly successful Hardin unlikely to relent, it's probably a bit too late for that.

Continue reading "John Clayton and Clark Judge have insight beyond our feeble minds Lard"

Don’t go to Houston nightclubs if you’re a pro athlete Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Washington GM Bruce Allen steps in for PK in writing today's MMQB, and he spends the opener shamelessly fluffing the horrible owners he's worked under: Al Davis, the Glazers, and Dan Snyder.

He also says he dislikes "political correctness" (in a locker room), and how could he not say that when his franchise's name is the epitome of racism? Anyway, the whole column is a shoutout to his family and friends, and it's probably more self-referencing than anything PK himself has ever written.

We can only hope the boys at KSK will choose to obliterate this column instead of digging up more vintage PK, because between calling Snyder "brilliantly quick and witty," trying to portray D.C. as the greatest place in the world, and lobbying for his buddies to make the HOF, this is basically MMQB in his purest, most concentrated form. Eau de MMQB, if you will.

Updated 9:26am ET

Continue reading "Don’t go to Houston nightclubs if you’re a pro athlete Lard"

The sky isn’t always blue Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Former nemesis Priest Holmes is among the latest ex-NFL stars to speak up about the lingering physical effects of his playing career:

As much as I loved it (football), that same love now has put me in situations that I have to live with. The frontal headaches, the migraines. Laying in bed, it’s tough to get out mornings just because of the pain that is setting in with an arthritic condition, it’s things like that that you never would have really thought about.

Holmes also describes the on-field symptoms he experienced after concussions in frightening fashion:

For a moment, as bodies are peeled off a woozy ballcarrier by officials and teammates, the sky can change color or become a heavenly light.

“This color obviously isn’t going to be blue. It can be a color that can be orange. It can be red. The sky could turn green,” Holmes told The Daily. “There’s even an episode where you see a clear light, like light at the end of the tunnel.”

Continue reading "The sky isn’t always blue Lard"

Bubby Brister among latest NFLers to sue over concussions Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Chase Stuart's next look at franchise record holders covers receiving stats. Of course, almost all of Denver's marks are held by newest Ring of Famer Rod Smith, who will gain induction during a Week 3 ceremony when Kubes and the Texans are in town.

But there is one big record that Rod doesn't own, and it's the Broncos standard for touchdown catches in a single season.

Like Stuart has done with his trivia questions, I'll offer a few hints. But since I haven't figured out how to hide them just yet, I'll slip them throughout the Lard.

Gold star to anyone who can guess the player without a hint.

Continue reading "Bubby Brister among latest NFLers to sue over concussions Lard"

Shanny’s control freakishness is rubbing off on his pal Fisher Lard

Happy Friday, Broncos fans! The bounty scandal took its latest expected steps yesterday, as the NFLPA filed suit against the league on behalf of suspended players Scott Fujita, Anthony Hargrove, and Will Smith, alleging that the Ginger Hammer showed bias in his handling of the punishments and appeals.

Within the suit, the players stick to their claim they never participated in an organized bounty system meant to harm opponents, while the NFL responded by calling it an improper suit. In another court action, Roger Goodell filed a motion to dismiss Jonathan Vilma's defamation lawsuit against him.

And interestingly, in Goodell's letter to the suspended players turning down their appeal, he backs off the league's claim that it was Anthony Hargrove who uttered the infamous "give me my money" line.

But ultimately, Andrew Brandt thinks the players are swimming upstream and should have addressed the NFL's disciplinary system during the last CBA negotiations instead of fight it now.

Continue reading "Shanny’s control freakishness is rubbing off on his pal Fisher Lard"

Raiders are just bad people Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! There remains no real news to discuss, so we're going to keep hammering away at this Matt Prater discussion we've been having.

Much has been made in recent days about Prater's perceived clutchness, specifically in the fourth quarter and overtime. As a quick exercise, let's examine all of his 4Q and OT attempts from last season:

Week Opponent Quarter Distance Score Before Kick
7 @MIA OT 52 15-15
10 @KC 4 41 (Miss) 17-7
12 @SD 4 24 10-13
    OT 37 13-13
13 @MIN 4 46 29-32
    4 23 32-32
14 CHI 4 59 7-10
    OT 51 10-10

Continue reading "Raiders are just bad people Lard"

Goodell upholds bounty suspensions levied by Goodell Lard

Good Afternoon, Broncos fans, and Happy Fourth! According to Mike Florio, Matt Prater got $4.25M in guarantees as part of his new deal - not $3M as had been reported by the DP.

If this is true, count me back on the side of disliking this contract. Prater will be making more this season than Ryan Clady and Von Miller (I know, rookie contracts, but still), and somewhere in the neighborhood of Joel Dreessen, Jacob Tamme, Tracy Porter, Chris Kuper, and Joe Mays.

This, for a 78.4% career kicker (76% last year, tied for 26th-best among kickers with 24 or more attempts).

Out of 34 active kickers, Prater ranks 29th in overall accuracy over his career. These are not figures that suggest Prater should be one of the league's highest-paid kickers.

Continue reading "Goodell upholds bounty suspensions levied by Goodell Lard"