"Stats washed over The Dude...darker than a black steer's tookus on a moonlight prairie night..." Sam Elliott
In almost every Hollywood movie there is a moment that comes, about three-fourths through the movie, in which the hero or heroin appears defeated. This moment is called the "dark moment," and if you're paying attention, it appears in almost all stories. The great mythologist, Joseph Campbell, wrote a book called The Hero With a Thousand Faces, in which he described the hero's journey, and briefly, the dark moment:
Beyond the threshold, then, the hero journeys through a world of unfamiliar yet strangely intimate forces, some of which severely test him...(page 246)
For modern day storytellers, this is the moment in which everything appears bleak and all is lost. In the greatest movie ever made, The Big Lebowski (Citizen Kane, stay down), the dark moment occurs when The Dude is drugged by Jackie Treehorn (don't ask me for the rest of the plot, or you'll be here for hours).
The Stats don't mean what they say on Thanksgiving, Mom. You know that. That's what the day's supposed to be all about, right? Torture.--Holly Hunter
Thanksgiving and football. It didn't get much better in Week 12. Like you and your family, some teams greedily feasted on the mashed potatoes (Dallas on Oakland), some teams kicked up their feet and loosened their belts (Green Bay feeling fat and bloated as they coasted over Detroit), and some teams simply went straight for the pumpkin pie (New Orleans tasting a sweet victory over New England).
Your Denver Broncos stuffed the New York Giants like turkeys.
"All stats and no play makes Jack a dull boy." --Jack Torrance
Week 11 in the NFL was a classic horror movie. There were some spine-chilling moments (Chiefs over the Steelers), terrifying screams (Ravens fans watching their red zone offense), and when the Raiders beat the Bengals, things got downright bloodcurdling.
For their part, the Denver Broncos treated their fans to a B-movie slasher flick, in which they played the victim. By the time the 4th quarter rolled around their rush defense had been so hacked to pieces, they simply tried to survive until the sequel.
I can no longer sit back and allow a stats infiltration, a stats indoctrination, a stats subversion, and the international stats conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. --General Jack D. Ripper
Last week another disaster movie, 2012, opened across the USA. This coincided with Week 10 of the NFL season. We were reminded of three important things:
The Denver Broncos have thus far avoided complete catastrophe, sitting at 6-3. But another loss, and you should probably head to the basement with all of your canned goods, bottled water, and flashlight batteries.
"So including last night that's three Stats That Don't Lie incidents that didn't kill you. Pain, or damage don't end the world, or despair, or beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man...and give some back."
Week 9 of the NFL. Every team has now played half of its schedule. We are beginning to see which teams are looking to give out the beatings on a regular basis (New Orleans), which teams are looking to take the beatings on a regular basis (Detroit), and which teams are just looking for Tim Tebow.
The Denver Broncos? They took another punch to the face this week, but with a 6-2 record, let's just say, I wouldn't want to find myself in a back alley with Brian Dawkins.
Welcome once again to The Stats That Don't Lie for Week 9. These are the adamantium claws of stats. Your statistical Weapon X. In short, these are the stats that are enough to piss off a Wolverine. They are: Turnovers, Field Position, Time of Possession, and 3rd-Down Efficiency.
"Sure, The Stats That Don't Lie could have stayed in the past. They could have even been king. But in their own way, they ARE king. Hail to the king, baby."
"The Stats That Don't Lie are gonna eat lightning and crap thunder!"
Week 7 brought a well deserved break for the(God even rested on the 7th day), no less than 6 bona fide blowouts (an average night for a Raider at a singles bar), and 3 more interceptions from new ' mascot (2 more and he can tie Orton's season total from 2008 in less than half the games).
In other words, a decent weekend.
That's what I love about these Stats That Don't Lie, man. I get older, they stay the same age.
Week 6. Anotherwin. Another way for to electrify Denver fans (outside of Taco Bell). And one to grow on for the kids:
If you want to beat this year's Broncos, you better bring a lunch pail...and a whole lot of hope.
Welcome once again to the Stats That Don't Lie, your weekly shot of statistical Human Growth Hormone. These are theof stats. You simply can't get away from them. They are the Mike Tyson of stats. They will eat your children. They are Turnovers, Field Position, Time of Possession, and 3rd Down Efficiency.
"You like the freaky stuff, huh? That's cool. The Stats that Don´t Lie can be naughty, too. Real, freaky naughty."
Now that week 5 is over, we can be sure of three things:
Nobody Puts The Stats That Don't Lie in A Corner