Stats That Don't Lie

The Stats That Don’t Lie - Week 8: A kick to the testicles

One trick almost all stats guys have in their bag is sample size.

If you cherry pick your sample size to your desires, you can make the numbers say almost anything.

For example, if a team loses 59-14, you can always focus on that one game and make a wickedly-good argument that the loser of that game was perhaps the worst team in history.

Now that the Broncos have finished 8 weeks of play, these tricks become less useful.  8 games turns into 81 drives, 316 passes, and 185 rushes. 

In short, it’s getting harder to hide.

With this in mind, I present to you this week’s Stats That Don’t Lie, which aren’t really bad.  They’re just drawn that way.

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The Stats That Don’t Lie - Week 7: London Calling!

The Broncos are going to London; their fans are just going barmy.

I’m not going to lie to you.  This week’s version of the Stats That Don’t Lie aren’t cracking.  In fact, they are quite beastly.

In what seems like a bad horror movie marathon, these stats just keep cutting deeper and deeper.

This week, in an attempt to keep you gobsmacked, I not only compared the Broncos to the league average in each category, I decided to give you their ranking as well.  I wanted you to see just how bad it’s become.

So without further delay, let’s get to the stats, which are always on the job and never stop to take a mick.

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The Stats That Don’t Lie - Week 6: Statistically Overtrained Blogger Syndrome

Last year at this time, the Broncos were 6-0, and all Broncomaniancs felt higher than Brian Cushing on a fertility drug.

A year later, like Cushing, Broncos fans are feeling the crash.

The Broncos are now 2-4.  Tied for 2nd; tied for last. 

Last year the question was whether or not Kyle Orton could throw the deep ball.

Not only have we found out he can throw the deep ball, but he’s almost become addicted to it.

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The Stats That Don’t Lie, Week 5 - What Would LeBeau Do (WWLD)?

The Broncos are stacked.

Unfortunately, they are a little top heavy.

Like the guy at the gym who only works his arms, the Broncos have some gigantic biceps.

If they could only work on those chicken legs before they go puffing out their chest.

This week’s stats are going to show you what you already know.  The Broncos can pass, but they can’t run.  However, even the numbers are misleading (lying, you might say?).  Most of these passing yards are hollow because the Broncos have been playing from behind in all of their games. 

Either way, you’ve come looking for the stats, so you’re going to get them.  Strong.  Long.  And ready to get the friction on.

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The Stats That Don’t Lie - Week 4

There’ll be time enough for countin’, when the dealin’s done. —Vince Lombardi

Even though we’ve already reached the quarter point of the football season, it’s important to remember one thing:

We’ve still got three quarters to go.

That means, like in any game, there’s still time to make a run.  The same is true for your division opponents (sans Oakland).

So do yourself a favor and don’t get too married to the following stats after only four weeks.  Yes, the numbers will show exactly what you’ve been thinking—that the Broncos can’t run, but they sure can pass.  But a lot of this can change in just a few weeks.

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The Stats That Don’t Lie - On a restricted diet

Since I’ve received several requests to revive my Stats That Don’t Lie (STDL) column from my Mile High Report days, I’ve had two thoughts:

1) I wouldn’t be The Dude if I did not abide
2) I would not abide if I wasn’t The Dude

So, I’m gonna do this.  Or as one of the finest poets of his generation, Dee Synder so elegantly wrote, “I Wanna Rock!”

So let the stats flow—quicker, stronger, on HGH, and without an athletic supporter.

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The Dude Abides: The Stats That Don’t Lie, Week 17

Quick to the stats to the stats no fakin', cookin' MCs like a pound of bacon.

--Vanilla Ice

Alright, stop.  Collaborate and listen.  Josh is back with a brand new invention.  

You knew I couldn't get through a whole season without bringing out the worst song of all time

I'm not sure what's worse.   That song or the idea that Week 17 actually meant anything in the NFL.   The way things ended up, there wasn't much drama involved, as both the Ravens and Jets took care of business.  As expected, the Raiders got the business end of another loss.  Sorry, Pittsburgh. Sorry, Houston.   And sorry, Den....

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The Dude Abides: The Stats That Don’t Lie, Week 16

"Are you here to tell me what a bad statoogoolizer I am?"

--Derek Zoolander

In the NFL, I'm pretty sure there's more to life than being really, really ridiculously good-looking.  Week 16 proved this if nothing else.   Two teams were caught staring at their reflections for too long (New Orleans and Minnesota). Another team was tragically lost to the playoffs in a freak-gasoline-fight accident (Giants).    And the Oakland Raiders were back to normal, showing us all why they are still reserving spots in the Derek Zoolander Center-For-Kids-Who-Can't-Read-Good-And-Wanna-Learn-To-Do-Other-Stuff-Good-Too.  In other words, don't expect any playoff help from the Silver-and-Black next week.

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The Dude Abides: The Stats That Don’t Lie, Week 15

"You stats shouldn't play so rough. Somebody's gonna start crying."

--Mr. Blonde

Some teams bark all day, little doggy.  And some teams bite.  

Week 15 was supposed to be an easy caper for the playoff-bound teams in the NFL.  Minnesota, New Orleans, Philadelphia, and Indianapolis were all looking to get in, do their job, and get out--unscathed and without too much gun play. Only two of these teams (Philly and Indy) actually escaped with a win.

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The Dude Abides: The Stats That Don’t Lie, Week 14

"What did you say, Stats Champion? I'll beat you like a dog, a dog, you fool!" --Clubber Lang

I pity the fool that believes in league parity.  

Let's be honest.  Outside of a few games, Week 14 was a complete bore.   The winning teams won by an average of 15 points.  While the storyline of the two undefeated teams continued to be compelling, most of the games were as forgettable as a JaMarcus Russell seam pass or a Jay Cutler trip to the red zone.  Roger Goodell should have donated some of his TV revenues back to charity.  At least fans would have felt better about the six hours of their lives they won't be getting back. 

However, we did learn something about the Denver Broncos.  They stand more than a puncher's chance in the playoffs.  

Welcome to another round of The Stats That Don't Lie, your statistical Mister T.  These are the stats that hit below the belt. They are the stats that never have to go to the judges.   In short, they beat you like a dog, fool.  As always they are Turnovers, Field Position, Time of Possession, and 3rd-Down Efficiency. 

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