Don't tell me how passionate you are; don't tell me how orange and blue your blood is; don't show me your faded tattoo. You want to prove once and for all you're a Broncos fan? Put out your damn eye and prove you're a real fan. Like this guy who loves the Chiefs:
You never know when the muse is going to strike. It could be at the strip club. It might be at a staff meeting. Or perhaps you're in church tuning out a sermon on the Book of Job while considering the suffering of Nickelback fans. The point is this: you never ever know.
Enter Tim Tebow's 25th Birthday.
If shirtless the Teebs would just praise--
a hero to Christians and gays.
No good is his pass;
it falls to the grass
but zombies demand that he stays.
Feel free to take your shot. Give Teebs some media attention since he (and his blood-sucking brother) don't seek it; he only goes shirtless when it's raining--you know, because no one wants to run in the rain with clothing.
They came. They saw. They didn't get injured.
There was also a little thing called Peyton Manning's return to football. Other than that, it was just another preseason game.
Excitement reigns in Broncos Country. The Broncos just destroyed the Chicago Bears in every aspect of the game; their rusty Hall of Fame quarterback is only going to get better; their defense already looks to be a huge upgrade.
Yet, preseason is preseason for good reason. It means little more than an opportunity for Xavier Omon to heat up message boards all across the nation--for at least a week.
Cautiously? More so.
We get it. The big topic tonight will be the strength of Peyton Manning's arm. Does he have it? Did he ever lose it? When will he get it?
That's fine if all you want is a casual relationship with the Denver Broncos. But if what you're looking for is a passionate affair--and I'm talking hot, steamy friction--then take your eyes off Manning's member (his arm, dude), and keep your eyes out for a few other things tonight:
Nothing beats mocking your opponent in the hours leading up to a game--even if it's only preseason.
Obviously, this week's topic is the Chicago Bears, or as I like to think of them, Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall.
Absurd in a word is the pair
of Jay and The Beast in a stare.
The eyes are a lock,
the pattern a mock--
the safety just picks from the air.
Take your shot. Mocking Jay Cutler never gets old.
And for more limerick fun, check out the entire history of IAOFM's limericks here.
Let the training camp intrigue officially begin: the Denver Broncos just released their first depth chart. In the spirit of the coverage of the Olympic Games, let me offer you a SPOILER ALERT before you read the next sentence just in case you wanted to wait until Thursday's preseason game.
Peyton Manning held off Caleb Hanie at quarterback.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, don't read too much into this depth chart (which is what we're about to do). It's only the first of many depth charts. In other words, it's a working document.
Now, let's experience some irrational exuberance, or in some cases, rational melancholy.
Your Gut Reaction begins. And remember Rule #7: Gut Reactions will last as long as they have to.
Sometimes you wake up and you go through the motions; other times, you feel a Limerick coming on.
Unrein on the line is unreal,
and larger this year--sex appeal.
he brings it each day,
from practice squad to tungsten steel.
Let it breathe. Then try your own in the comment section. The worst thing that can happen is laughter.
SDUT UTSD columnist Don Norcross thinks Denver's schedule will be too much for the Broncos to handle, even with Peyton Manning at the helm:
But at 36, Manning hasn’t played in more than a year. He’s adjusting to a new coaching staff, new teammates. Word from the Rockies is that’s he’s still not throwing with full velocity. Gotta be a rust factor there. And check out the Broncos’ schedule. It’s brutal. Road games include Falcons, Patriots and Ravens. Me, I think the Chargers’ toughest rival in the AFC West will be the Kansas City Chiefs. With RB Jamaal Charles, S Eric Berry and TE Tony Moeaki back after missing virtually all of 2011 with injuries, the Chiefs essentially get three first additional round draft picks this season. KC will be a tough out. Tougher than Denver.
Norcross might be right. On paper, Kansas City can make the case they're the toughest team in the AFC West.
If Elvis did lift up his shirt
intending some bodily hurt
A ban he will get.
They cannot acquit.
The Broncos and Sacco: inert.
Now give your own Limerick go. It's not as fun as driving a Land Rover, but it's certainly cheaper.
I'm not an attorney¹, and we obviously don't know the circumstances here, but this case appears to have the potential to be very tricky for the Miami police and State's Attorney's office. Typically, when some black guy is involved in an altercation, the cops will throw him in jail, and the prosecutor will overcharge the case.
What I mean by that is for someone like me - as a middle-class white guy who can afford a competent attorney - the charge might be disorderly conduct from the start, I pay a little fine and take anger management, and the misdemeanor falls off my record.