Mark it Zero

Mile High Ass Clownery

Let me preface this by saying we don't have any axe to grind with Mile High Sports (MHS).  Sometimes we'll even link to them.  For us, content is king, whether it's our own excellent work by Ted Bartlett or Doc Bear, or our take on someone else's content.  However, sometimes, in the haste to be first with the news, providers of content can--and we mean this with as much respect as we can possibly muster--look like complete ass clowns.

Today provided a good example:  A few hours ago, Chris Bianchi of the aforementioned MHS wrote the following:

It turns out that Denver Broncos cornerback Tracy Porter isn’t dealing with an illness. It turns out he’s coughing up a bad attitude, and he could be gone soon.

A source told Mile High Sports’ Robin Carlin on Thursday that Porter, who signed a one-year, $4 million contract in the offseason, is not suffering from an illness, as the Broncos claim. Instead, Porter is sitting out due to poor performance and to what the Broncos coaching staff perceives as a “bad attitude;” the Broncos may look to move Porter in the near future as a result. Porter is not expected to play against the New Orleans Saints on Sunday, per the source.

A few moments later, the Denver Post broke the story that Porter was actually sitting out because he was suffering from seizure-like symptoms.  

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Gut Reaction: Week 6 - Broncos @ Chargers

Norv [norv] noun, verb, Norved, Norving

noun
1. Proper name, short for Norval, popularized by parents in the 20th century who wanted their kids to be bullied at school.

verb
2. To cause to lose a football game in the fourth quarter.
3. To reverse fortune, especially during the act of playing American football.

San Diego, you just got Norved!   And you witnessed the greatest comeback victory in Monday Night Football history.

Norv Turner wasn't really responsible for today's Broncos carnival (turnovers and big plays were good enough), but that was fun as hell to write.

Now, let's break this thing down in thirty little ways:

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Game Day Limerick: Sunday Without the Broncos

Without the Broncos to watch on Sunday, I'm forced to attend church, clean out the garage--just kidding.  I have two advanced degrees, the recession hasn't touched me, and I'm one of the 53%.  So I just hire that stuff out, y'all.

Which brings me to my real point--limericks.  Feel free to have a whack at life without the Broncos on Sunday.  Here's what I did with my left hand (my right hand was otherwise occupied after watching reruns of Baywatch).  You see, 53% of us can multitask.

Sunday Cruddy Sunday
On a day like today I would say
there's nothing in this life as the play
   of the Broncos on high
   with a Manning so spry
that a Denver rerun is as gay¹ 

¹ 19th-century connotation, not that there's anything wrong with that)

Eric Winston to fans: We’re not gladiators

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Gut Reaction: Week 5 - Broncos at Patriots

It's elk season here in Colorado.

Today, the animals were safe, though.  It was the Broncos who got gutted.

The Broncos knew the Patriots were going to run a no-hunddle offense. They'd seen it on film for four weeks.

The reality of playing against the no-huddle, though, was quite different.

The Patriots regularly snapped the ball with twenty-five seconds on the clock.  That's not just a no-huddle offense. That's a video game.  Sixty minutes later, the Broncos were gassed, John Fox was baffled, and the Broncos were wounded.

Like any wounded animal, the Broncos did put up a fight.  But in the end, it's the Patriots who wore orange and came in for the kill.

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Gut Reaction: Week 4 - Broncos vs Raiders

When Peyton Manning joined the Broncos, this is the type of game fanatics had in mind.

The Broncos get an early lead.

They build on that lead running the ball.

Then, they let loose the angry hounds.

Who are the hounds?

The entire Broncos defense, which allowed the Raiders only one third-down conversion all game long.

And now Carson Palmer needs a rabies shot.

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It only took three weeks for the scab officials to decide a game

Reggie Bush just tweeted it best:

These refs gotta go I'm sorry

The Packers and Seahawks battled for several hours tonight only to watch the scab officials make two different calls on the last play of the game, which was a Hail Mary that was clearly intercepted by Green Bay safety M.D. Jennings.  Unfortunately for the Packers, the scabs decided to give the reception (and the touchdown) to Golden Tate of the Seahawks.  Worse, the call stood after the review (which never should have been reviewed to begin with, we should note).  In short, the Packers got screwed.  

Hey, at least it wasn't the Broncos that got jobbed.

I'd wager that this sort of thing might bring Roger Goodell to the negotiating table, but that would require the lapdog to quickly place a call to his masters, Kraft and Jones.  Jones is too busy taking care of his gay cowboy situation.  

Theater of the absurd: Warren Sapp & Brandon Marshall

Ever wonder what would happen if Warren Sapp and Brandon Marshall were in each other's vicinity?

Well, wonder no longer.  Sapp decided to go first last Friday on the Dan Patrick Show, when he said:

Brandon Marshall talking about Shannon Sharpe, who is he to talk? He’s the first 100-catch receiver, back-to-back, retard. What you just did in Denver for three years. You don’t know this? No, of course he doesn’t, because it’s not about Brandon Marshall...it ain't about the past, it’s about me. It’s about personal success, pay me, and now I’ll think about being a team guy.

Retard?  Nice, Warren.

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Gut Reaction: Week 3 - Broncos vs Texans

The highlight of today's game came at halftime when the Broncos put Rod Smith into their Ring of Fame.

The rest of the Broncos were in the locker room.  Otherwise, they would have been down twenty to start the third quarter.

Peyton Manning didn't throw three interceptions today, but he still needed to rally late for the Broncos to have any sort of chance.

This week, the defense put themselves in a hole, as Matt Schaub and the Texans took both a sledgehammer and a surgeon's scalpel to the Denver defense.  Dropped passes on offense, mental errors (45 yards in personal fouls on one drive alone), and J.J. Watt took care of the rest.

The game was a lot less exciting than the final score (and the Broncos) would admit.  The truth is this team is still in transition, still adjusting to themselves, and still trying to figure out their basic philosophy.  Are they a no-huddle team?  Are they a blitzing team?

Check back in a few weeks and we'll have a better idea.  Perhaps the Broncos can play well on both sides of the ball for once.  Thankfully, the AFC West will still be there for the taking.

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Game Day Limerick: Rod Smith

In honor of Rod Smith, I completely ignored the Texans and instead wrote a limerick in honor of one of the baddest dudes in Broncos history:

One day in a play came the Rod
on the field from the practice squad.
  No Darrell the Green
  could stop the orange sheen
of a mile-high, hustling god. 

Feel free to take your own shot below.  Go Broncos!