Mark it Zero

The Dude’s Mail Revue: bad behavior edition

Dude's Mail Revue 400x145Fat Man writer hack TJ Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays whenever the hell he gets around to it.  He takes your questions and gets your opinions about the state of the Broncos and the NFL. Then he responds with the appropriate level of aggression. Drop TJ a question: tjthedudejohnson@gmail.com.

(NOTE: Marmots were harmed in the writing of this Revue)

TJ, the Broncos should fire both Matt Russell and Tom Heckert. Elway and Co. need to demonstrate to the fans and the players there will be no tolerance for this kind of behavior.  If we were talking about the Raiders, we'd all be saying they should go and you know it, Dude.

--Stewart Edwards: Parker, Colorado

Continue reading "The Dude’s Mail Revue: bad behavior edition"

No, Champ Bailey isn’t sucking

Yesterday me and the boys were kickin' it down at IAOFM headquarters (which is twice as cool as Kickin' It headquarters), when we received several emails linking us to a film review of Champ Bailey's subpar play from 2012.  The cat who wrote this piece, Uptown Murf, supposedly watched film of Bailey's 2012 play and came to the conclusion that Bailey is no longer a #1 corner:

For the 2012 season, Champ Bailey finished with 66 tackles, 2 Int’s, and 9 passes defensed. I give him a C for his overall play. He did some great things, and brings a tremendous amount of experience to the Broncos secondary. Unfortunately at this point in his career, (Based off 2012 film) I believe he’s no longer a number 1 corner. He doesn’t necessarily need to switch positions, but he should primarily face the #2 receiver on each team.

In order to provide proof of this conclusion, the article cut up several plays in which Bailey was toasted last year for long gains, including plays against Vincent Jackson, Andre Johnson, and A.J. Green.

Fortunately for Broncos fans, it's not true.

Continue reading "No, Champ Bailey isn’t sucking"

For a good time, go sign this anti-Tebow petition

Don't need nothing but a good time?

Want a cheap thrill with the click of a mouse?

Do you enjoy pissing off fans of Tim Tebow?

Yes. Yes.  And f@#king A!

Now you can do all three at once.

Continue reading "For a good time, go sign this anti-Tebow petition"

A Second Helping of Baltimore’s 70-yard game-tying TD

By now, you know the hideously grotesque details.

The 2012 Denver Broncos--who had effectively ruptured the spleen of their opponents on eleven straight occasions--were 41 seconds away from hosting its first AFC Championship since 2005.

Their opponents, the Baltimore Ravens--a team featuring more centenarians than the Sardinian Blue Zone--were coming off just six days of rest; they'd just played through almost four quarters of penis-shriveling cold at an altitude of five thousand, two hundred, and eighty feet; they stupidly had no timeouts; the noise of the Denver crowd was so loud it was rumored to have shattered the eardrums of the rotund (meaning a lot of inner-ear fat) Peter King.

Continue reading "A Second Helping of Baltimore’s 70-yard game-tying TD"

Fat Man’s Limerick Schtick: Manti Te’o

All of this fake girlfriend stuff really has me worked up.  The only cure?

Another limerick:  

If the girl that you love is a con
on the web from a dude name of Ron,
     you should know it's a shame
     to attend Notre Dame
and expect cyber hummers, Don Juan.

Give it your best, and always remember, a limerick isn't a limerick unless it's crude, rude, and it mocks Notre Dame (or Vic Lombardi, Notre Dame grad).

A Second Helping of Torrey Smith’s 59-yard touchdown catch

Before the Broncos' epic meltdown last week, there were two interviews that, in retrospect, foreshadowed the chess match between Broncos defensive coordinator Jack Del Rio and Ravens offensive coordinator Jim Caldwell--a chess match that, at least early in the game, Caldwell pressed his unforseen advantage.

The first was an interview with Joe Flacco on the Dan Patrick show, in which Flacco asserted that the key to a Ravens victory would be establishing the run.  While that's not exactly a news flash--we all knew the Ravens wanted to run the ball--it confirmed again in the minds of fans and likely the Broncos coaches the perception that the Ravens were going to give the Broncos a healthy dose of Ray Rice and rookie sensation Bernard Pierce.

And why wouldn't they?  The dirtly little secret that emerged from watching film of the first matchup between the teams was that the Ravens, after stumbling on their first three drives, experienced a brief window in which they were indeed running the ball well against Denver.  In a series of three consecutive plays in the second quarter, the Ravens ripped off runs of four, fourteen, and fifteen yards.  The drive stalled on a penalty, or it's likely the Ravens would have scored.  After that, the running game was generally abandoned by the Ravens because the Broncos got up in the game by two scores.

Continue reading "A Second Helping of Torrey Smith’s 59-yard touchdown catch"

Gut Reaction: Falcons remind us why Foxball is wrong

Twice yesterday, John Fox decided that thirty-something seconds and multiple timeouts wasn't enough to move downfield for a score.

The first came with 36 seconds left in the first half at 21-21 from Denver's 20-yard line, with all three timeouts in hand. He reprised that decision at 35-35 and 31 seconds remaining in regulation, and two timeouts from the 20.

In the first instance, Denver handed off to Jacob Hester. Then, at the end of regulation, Peyton Manning - the king of NFL comeback QBs - was instructed to take a knee, and you know what happened from there.

Continue reading "Gut Reaction: Falcons remind us why Foxball is wrong"

Gut Reaction: Ravens knock Broncos out of 2012 playoffs

Earlier in the year, Peyton Manning was mic'd up and remarked that it was bad to throw across the body.

He should have heeded his own advice.

Today he did it again for the second time--a time too many.  And in the freezing, uncompromising cold of Denver (the wind chill was well below zero) Manning's arm--and the ball--went completely dead.

So did the Broncos' playoff chances.

One and done. All that work, shattered.  Shattered like the dreams of Broncomaniacs everywhere.  All those pretty little stats, gone. Gone like your breath into the chilly night.  All that talk of going all the way, numb. 

Numb like it's 1996 all over again.

Continue reading "Gut Reaction: Ravens knock Broncos out of 2012 playoffs"

Game Day Limerick: Divisional Playoff, Baltimore Ravens

It's the playoffs in Denver--Limericks, at altitude:

In the cold there's a game on this day
where the Broncos keep the Ravens at bay.
     It won't take but a drive
     for the Broncos to thrive
and flat crush the slow birds on the way.

Sorry to get to this a little later than I would like, but as always, take your own shot.

Gut Reaction: Ravens coming to Denver next Saturday for a rematch

It's official--the Ravens are coming to Denver for a rematch.

After dispatching the Colts 24-9, the Ravens now bring their slightly-less injured team to altitude next Saturday on only six days of rest.

Since the game was something of a bore, here's what you need to know, summarized by Barry Wilner of the Associated Press:

[Anquan] Boldin set a franchise record with 145 yards receiving, including the clinching touchdown in the Ravens' 24-9 victory over Indianapolis in an AFC wild-card game.

Continue reading "Gut Reaction: Ravens coming to Denver next Saturday for a rematch"