This week, the US Government confirmed the existence of Area 51.
It means that weird stuff does happen, not just in the proximity of a Skip Bayless tweet.
Tonight, the Broncos saw just how absurd things can get: a kickoff returned against them for a touchdown, a fumble recovery returned the length of the field for a touchdown, and that doesn’t include the freak injuries to key players.
It got so odd, the Broncos should be happy aliens didn’t land on the fifty-yard line and take Von Miller captive for four weeks of testing.
For now, let’s just hope the Broncos get back to Denver, lick their wounds, get to the next game, and leave the strange probing to Roger Goodell.
I’ve been waiting an entire offseason to write this, but here goes:
Rahim Moore, you’re off the hook. In fact, you’re already victorious in my eyes.
How so? Given that none of us—the organization, the players, the fans—can change the results of last year’s playoff loss, my definition of victory evolved once preseason began.
And once I saw Rahim Moore take the field tonight and play (even just a few snaps) with the ferocity I’d hoped to see from him, I knew he’d already won.
Tracy Porter wanted to wear No. 24 for the Oakland Raiders. So did Charles Woodson.
As one might expect, Woodson won out, despite the fact that Porter already had the number before Woodson's signing earlier this year.
Porter was less than enthusiastic;with with the result. That's when he went to Twitter, of course:
Well you Raiders fans...your guy has 24. It was TAKEN from me and given to him. #congrats.....too funny how this biz "works"��— ♌Tracy Porter♌ (@TracyPorter) July 24, 2013
Chill. Just chill the f#$k out.
Everyone is overreacting to the news that the Broncos could lose Von Miller for four games. Putting aside the moral judgments for a moment, let's look at this from a football perspective.
The Broncos won, on average, by 12 points last year.
So how's your summer reading going?
I'm currently in the process of reading Bill Walsh's Finding the Winning Edge, the so-called bible of coaching, according to everyone from Brian Billick (who helped Walsh write the book) to Bill Belichick, who says the book confirmed his style of coaching (a manic obsession with details).
As I make my way through the book (it's well over 500 pages), I plan on posting excerpts if they seem interesting. And let me tell you, there's a gem on every page. Today I ran across something that is as common sense as it gets, but worth repeating:
writer hack TJ Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays whenever the hell he gets around to it. He takes your questions and gets your opinions about the state of the Broncos and the NFL. Then he responds with the appropriate level of aggression. Drop TJ a question: email@example.com.
(NOTE: Marmots were harmed in the writing of this Revue)
TJ, the Broncos should fire both Matt Russell and Tom Heckert. Elway and Co. need to demonstrate to the fans and the players there will be no tolerance for this kind of behavior. If we were talking about the Raiders, we'd all be saying they should go and you know it, Dude.
--Stewart Edwards: Parker, Colorado
Yesterday me and the boys were kickin' it down at IAOFM headquarters (which is twice as cool as Kickin' It headquarters), when we received several emails linking us to a film review of Champ Bailey's subpar play from 2012. The cat who wrote this piece, Uptown Murf, supposedly watched film of Bailey's 2012 play and came to the conclusion that Bailey is no longer a #1 corner:
For the 2012 season, Champ Bailey finished with 66 tackles, 2 Int’s, and 9 passes defensed. I give him a C for his overall play. He did some great things, and brings a tremendous amount of experience to the Broncos secondary. Unfortunately at this point in his career, (Based off 2012 film) I believe he’s no longer a number 1 corner. He doesn’t necessarily need to switch positions, but he should primarily face the #2 receiver on each team.
In order to provide proof of this conclusion, the article cut up several plays in which Bailey was toasted last year for long gains, including plays against Vincent Jackson, Andre Johnson, and A.J. Green.
Fortunately for Broncos fans, it's not true.
Don't need nothing but a good time?
Want a cheap thrill with the click of a mouse?
Do you enjoy pissing off fans of Tim Tebow?
Yes. Yes. And f@#king A!
Now you can do all three at once.
By now, you know the hideously grotesque details.
The 2012 Denver Broncos--who had effectively ruptured the spleen of their opponents on eleven straight occasions--were 41 seconds away from hosting its first AFC Championship since 2005.
Their opponents, the Baltimore Ravens--a team featuring more centenarians than the Sardinian Blue Zone--were coming off just six days of rest; they'd just played through almost four quarters of penis-shriveling cold at an altitude of five thousand, two hundred, and eighty feet; they stupidly had no timeouts; the noise of the Denver crowd was so loud it was rumored to have shattered the eardrums of the rotund (meaning a lot of inner-ear fat) Peter King.
All of this fake girlfriend stuff really has me worked up. The only cure?
If the girl that you love is a con
on the web from a dude name of Ron,
you should know it's a shame
to attend Notre Dame
and expect cyber hummers, Don Juan.
Give it your best, and always remember, a limerick isn't a limerick unless it's crude, rude, and it mocks Notre Dame (or Vic Lombardi, Notre Dame grad).