Mark it Zero

Game Day Limerick: Tennessee Titans

Sorry, folks. I almost forgot this week's limerick. Here you go:

I've got nothing to say with my wit

except that the Titans will quit

by the third quarter's end

when records will bend

and Munchak will drown in his $hit.

Let it fly, Broncos fans!

Gut Reaction: Week 13 - Broncos @ Chiefs

Wait, don’t the Chiefs win games like this at home?

Turning turnovers into touchdowns, taking kickoffs back for touchdowns, breaking off big runs—these are the things that define the Chiefs.

It doesn’t matter, not when Peyton Manning comes to town, even when Manning breaks bad for a quarter. Manning’s mind is just too good. His arm (no matter how wobbly the passes) simply follows.

The Broncos now stand in sole possession of first place in the AFC West; even better, they are in complete control of their own destiny. If they want the first seed, they can do more than wish for it for Christmas.

Continue reading "Gut Reaction: Week 13 - Broncos @ Chiefs"

Game Day Limerick: Kansas City Chiefs, Part Dos

Good morning, Broncos fans! Another big game. Another Chiefs loss:

The rematch was just two weeks away

for the ketchup and mustard to play.

     The results are the same

     with their conservative game,

and the loss of Reid's balls in the fray.

Let loose with your version--with or without balls.

Saccomano blows fans away with asshattery

From his upper-class perch, Jim Saccomano wants Broncos fans who aren't season ticket holders to know just how much pain he's in this morning:

Hard for those who are not with team or are season tix holders who never miss a game to fully comprehend the personal sting of loss...

— Jim Saccomano (@broncos_sacco) November 25, 2013

Continue reading "Saccomano blows fans away with asshattery"

Gut Reaction: Week 12 - Broncos @ Patriots

Welcome to my sixth rewrite in the last twenty minutes.

This was supposed to be a story about Petyon Manning and Tom Brady dueling; it was supposed to be about two teams playing until the bitter end; hell, it was supposed to be about the near perfection of the Broncos running game.

Instead, we’re going to be talking about bouncing balls for a whole damn week.

Actually, I should probably be more specific. Wes Welker didn’t give Tony Carter enough time to clear a bouncing punt, which now makes Tony Carter look really dumb. 

What a letdown, and what a silly way to lose a game.  There’s just no rewriting that.

Continue reading "Gut Reaction: Week 12 - Broncos @ Patriots"

Game Day Limerick: New England Patriots

Happy Game Day, Broncos fans. Time again to break out something completely obscene:

If you're pondering Belichick's class

then you ought to consider a pass

on the shaking of hands

when he's losing the fans  

and the score is shoved up his ass.

Sorry, I tried, but I just couldn't get McDaniels to rhyme with tiny Napoleon.  See if you can.

Gut Reaction: Week 11 - Broncos vs Chiefs

It’s simple: keep Peyton Manning clean, the Broncos win.

It’s true when he’s healthy. It’s true when he’s feeling a little average. And it’s true when his ankle is as hurt as an Alex Smith checkdown.

The Broncos just restored order to the NFL with their 27-17 win, which could have been a lot more lopsided. The NFL simply can’t have teams like the Chiefs masquerading around like a legitimate Super Bowl contender.

Continue reading "Gut Reaction: Week 11 - Broncos vs Chiefs"

Game Day Limerick: Kansas City Chiefs

If Alexis Smith was a man with some balls

he would stop with the junk checkdown calls,

but he's not, so he sucks,

so it goes that his ducks

force the Chiefs to puke in the stalls.

It's getting close to game time. Throw your limerick down, Broncos fans!

Gut Reaction: Week 10 - Broncos @ Chargers

Pat Bowlen, welcome to the Three Hundred Club.

With the Broncos' 28-20 win this afternoon, Bowlen became the second fastest owner in NFL history to reach three hundred wins (Al Davis had to beat Bowlen at something).

The dude has seen a lot in his three decades as owner—John Elway, Peyton Manning, Super Bowls, and everything in between.

Three hundred wins has to rank right up there—until he gets to 301.

Continue reading "Gut Reaction: Week 10 - Broncos @ Chargers"

Game Day Limerick: San Diego Chargers

One of our long-time readers, Alaskan, reminded me that I have a responsibility--nay, a duty--to post the most obscene gameday limericks possible.

It's a tradition we started long ago here at IAOFM; it's high time I held up my end of the bargain:

Continue reading "Game Day Limerick: San Diego Chargers"