Bronco fans, our 2009 opponents are about to enter a world of pain, but rather than try and predict where the Broncos will finish this year (10-6), I thought I would instead invest some time developing a general guide to this 2009 Bronco Season...Lebowski style.
In the spirit of demonstrating that Bronco fans are a cultured bunch, I present you a few Limericks....Raider Style.
Feel free to make up your own. I resisted the urge to do one about Jay Cutler. The Raiders just make it too easy...
(Note: This is Part 3 in a 3 - Part Series to help you Overcome your Cutler Obsession and get back to Normal Bronco Living. For Part 1, Click Here. For Part 2, Click Here. After Part 3, I will allow Jay Cutler to live in peace.)
"...when things are going good, quarterbacks get way too much of the credit, and when things aren't going good they get way too much of the blame."
-- Kyle Orton, 2009, before beginning his first season as QB with the Denver Broncos
You might think this post is about Jay Cutler and Kyle Orton. To a certain extent, it is. But probably not in the way you think. And since we are trying to cure you of your Jay Cutler obsession, it's time to bury the hatchet (and not in your assistant's jaw, raider fans). Time to let go. Jay Cutler will do what he is going to do.
(Note: This is Part 2 in a 3-Part Series to help you Overcome your Cutler Obsession and get back to Normal Bronco Living. For Part 1, Click Here. After Part 3, I will allow Jay Cutler to live in peace.)
Jay Cutler was a Pro-Bowl quarterback in 2008; Kyle Orton, well, he can grow a neckbeard.
But who are we to discrimate against facial hair? Besides, Raiderettes need love too.
And it's with that spirt that I give you 10 little-known statistics that should make you appreciate facial hair and help cure the hankerin' that you might still have for the little cuddly elf from Santa Claus, Indiana. If not, just repeat after me, "Jay Cutler, yeah, he is not my favorite person right now."
On to the list!
(NOTE: This is the first is a 3-Part Series To Cure you of your Jay Cutler Obsession)
Jay Cutler was a Pro-Bowl quarterback last year, in case you haven't heard.
And maybe you also heard that Kyle Orton, despite a winning percentage higher than Jeff Spicoli, isn't worth much more than an old Marcus Nash throwback jersey.
The evidence, if it's presented at all, usually rests on the following Cutler statistics: 4,526 yards passing, 25 touchdown passes, and 18 interceptions. With these stats, Cutler beat out quarterbacks like Philip Rivers, Matt Cassel, Tyler Thigpen, and Chad Pennington.
Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Raider's camp. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the eye's of Tom Cable.
These are the things I learned...
I've read that it's hard to know who got better end of the deal in the Champ Bailey - Clinton Portis trade.
If you reside in Oakland and your friends know you as Raider (insert your first name here), it might indeed appear that you can't really know if the Broncos got the better end of this trade. Of course, if you live in Oakland, it's possible that you are struggling to complete the 8th grade.
The truth is that one can measure almost anything, if one establishes up front what is to be measured.
Friends, Romans, Broncomaniacs, lend me your tears.
Now, shut up and stop crying. There’s no crying in football.
So Kyle Orton threw three picks. So what? If you want to dump your Orton jersey now, send them all to me. I’ll send them as Christmas gifts to all the Chicago fans that will be wishing they still had some love from the neckbeard come December.
Ask Kyle Orton to shave if you’d like, but, please, stop booing him.
There’s really no good reason for this kind of Raider behavior. You don’t live in Oakland after all, so don’t trash your QB, wander the streets drunk with firearms, and dress up like a Halloween drag queen on Sundays, all while saying, "I’m just a passionate fan."
Remember, Bronco fans are smarter (and more literate) than this. And they watch game tape.
I hear Tyler Durden is going to pay a little visit to the boys in orange and blue next week to set some ground rules for training camp.
Tyler Durden 8 rules for Bronco's Training Camp: