If you've seen the movie Necessary Roughness, I'm very sorry. Those are two hours of your life you're never getting back.
If you haven't, I'll save you some time. The best part of the movie was watching Kathy Ireland play the role of Lucy Draper, a female placekicker. For a few brief scenes, placekicking somehow seemed...slightly more interesting.
But outside of the rare and fictional supermodel, placekickers don't get a lot of attention. Most often they are known for either making or missing a late-game kick (i.e., Scott Norwood), or for their ability to shut down an all-you-can-eat-buffet like Sebastian Janikowski.
But we should make an exception for Matt Prater. Not only should we be talking more about him, but we should acknowledge one fact right now:
Matt Prater, despite playing at altitude, and without ever having done a Sports Illustrated bikini shoot, was the best kicker in the NFL in 2009.
You've got to ask yourself one question: do I feel lucky?
Well, do ya, punk?
Like it or not, luck is a part of sports. The bank shot from half court to win a game. The blooped broken-bat single. The tip for a pick-six interception. All of these can break the heart of fans who can't come to grips with the idea that sometimes, for whatever reason, the ball doesn't bounce in their preferred direction.
You've probably heard one fan say to another, "Well, you guys got lucky." In fact, many fans accused the Denver Broncos of this very thing in Week 1 on the last play of the game (the tipped touchdown to Brandon Stokley if you're living on planet Al Davis). But what they are really saying is, "You didn't deserve to win."
Quick to the stats to the stats no fakin', cookin' MCs like a pound of bacon.
Alright, stop. Collaborate and listen. Josh is back with a brand new invention.
You knew I couldn't get through a whole season without bringing out the worst song of all time
I'm not sure what's worse. That song or the idea that Week 17 actually meant anything in the NFL. The way things ended up, there wasn't much drama involved, as both the Ravens and Jets took care of business. As expected, the Raiders got the business end of another loss. Sorry, Pittsburgh. Sorry, Houston. And sorry, Den....
Last night on MHR Radio, we all agreed that it's time to let Jay Cutler go. While many have already done this, there are still some of us that are not mature, self-actualized human beings. We'd like nothing more than to see Cutler fail miserably. Again. And Again. And again.
Well, it's official. JC has failed. So badly, in fact, that the Broncos now own the 10th or 11th pick in the 2010 NFL Draft. Maybe for fun, McDaniels will let Cutler call "heads" or "tails" on the coin toss.
Kaptain Kirk, Brian Shrout, Lebowski and the Bear were kicking around the last of the year's gamebooks and talking about the changes that have already begun for this off-season's personnel changes and the shakeup of the Denver Broncos. It looks like the housecleaning has begun early, and the Broncos are off to a quick start to the offseason, before the mathematical possibility of the playoffs is even fully past. Something has happened that has set off a quick change reaction that may bring some order to the Broncos.
Having Marshall sit out of a game (possibly for injury, which would be no big thing) and Scheffler essentially be handed his conditional walking papers - they'll find a way to make him valuable to them in trade, but he's done as a Bronco - was quite the beginning to the New Year. Welcome to the turn of the decade, my friends. Apparently, one current set of myths is that we only have until 2012 before the earth disintegrates. I'd like to win the Lombardi before that happens...and for that to happen, there have to be a lot of changes. That being the case, it's in our best interest to make a few good ones while there's time. It's too early to tell if these two are good ones or not.
This week, as I was building my statistical "profile" of this week's opponent, I thought I would team up with MHR's own Steve Nichols (hoosierteacher), in order to create a more official case file of Denver's next suspect: The Kansas City Chiefs.
Hopefully, by studying what others (including our own Denver Broncos) have done to the Chiefs, we will get a better understanding of what the Broncos are likely going to do on Sunday to get the win.
"Are you here to tell me what a bad statoogoolizer I am?"
In the NFL, I'm pretty sure there's more to life than being really, really ridiculously good-looking. Week 16 proved this if nothing else. Two teams were caught staring at their reflections for too long (New Orleans and Minnesota). Another team was tragically lost to the playoffs in a freak-gasoline-fight accident (Giants). And the Oakland Raiders were back to normal, showing us all why they are still reserving spots in the Derek Zoolander Center-For-Kids-Who-Can't-Read-Good-And-Wanna-Learn-To-Do-Other-Stuff-Good-Too. In other words, don't expect any playoff help from the Silver-and-Black next week.
Divisional opponents inspire hate. And mockery. So let round two of the Chiefs' Limericks begin!
Here are five that I created. Please feel free to make up your own. It's the last game of the year, so if you've got something to take out on the Broncos, do it. And Chiefs fans, please participate if you're still not busy counting how many 3rd downs you haven't converted.
In all seriousness, Chiefs fans, you are some of the coolest cats rolling, so I know we will have a good time, once again.
I triple-dog dare ya to beat the Philadelphia Eagles!
Like putting your tongue to a flagpole in winter, beating the Philadelphia Eagles could get real sticky indeed.
But it's feasible. And if it happens--barring a meltdown against the Chiefs--Denver will be staring its first playoff berth in the face since 2005, when another quarterback with a penchant for neck beards (and handball) took the Broncos all the way to the AFC Championship Game.
"You stats shouldn't play so rough. Somebody's gonna start crying."
Some teams bark all day, little doggy. And some teams bite.
Week 15 was supposed to be an easy caper for the playoff-bound teams in the NFL. Minnesota, New Orleans, Philadelphia, and Indianapolis were all looking to get in, do their job, and get out--unscathed and without too much gun play. Only two of these teams (Philly and Indy) actually escaped with a win.