Jail House (Raider) Rock - Lebowskibronco
The warden threw a party in the county jail.
The Black Hole was there and they began to wail.
The Hutt was jumpin' and the joint began to swing.
You should've heard those knocked out Raider Fans sing.
Last week I was guilty while watching the Broncos and Bengals. While I hadn't descended into the abyss that is being a Raider fan, I made a pair of very silly mistakes:
I made snap judgements on both Champ Bailey and Brandon Marshall.
And my evidence? A few plays. For Bailey, it was one play in which he cheated to the inside on a deep out (level 3) run by Chad Ochocinco. Yes, Ocho beat him on the play (not badly). But it happened to be the only play in the entire game that Bailey got beat. The only damn play! But, of course, when you are caught up with the emotion of the game, you tend to make snap judgements like this that are not normally in your character.
I never keep a scorecard or the batting averages. I hate statistics. What I got to know, I keep in my head.
There are some stats that are meaningful, and there are some that ain't (the blood alcohol content of a Raider fan, for instance).
I'd like to bring you each week the stats that matter. These are the stats that don't lie. These aren't your QB ratings or your road/dome winning percentages. No way.
Statistics are like women; mirrors of purest virtue and truth, or like whores to use as one pleases.
There were 16 games played in Week 1. Here's the big picture with respect to Turnovers, Time of Possession, 3rd Down Efficiency, and Field Position:
Bronco fans, our 2009 opponents are about to enter a world of pain, but rather than try and predict where the Broncos will finish this year (10-6), I thought I would instead invest some time developing a general guide to this 2009 Bronco Season...Lebowski style.
In the spirit of demonstrating that Bronco fans are a cultured bunch, I present you a few Limericks....Raider Style.
Feel free to make up your own. I resisted the urge to do one about Jay Cutler. The Raiders just make it too easy...
(Note: This is Part 3 in a 3 - Part Series to help you Overcome your Cutler Obsession and get back to Normal Bronco Living. For Part 1, Click Here. For Part 2, Click Here. After Part 3, I will allow Jay Cutler to live in peace.)
"...when things are going good, quarterbacks get way too much of the credit, and when things aren't going good they get way too much of the blame."
-- Kyle Orton, 2009, before beginning his first season as QB with the Denver Broncos
You might think this post is about Jay Cutler and Kyle Orton. To a certain extent, it is. But probably not in the way you think. And since we are trying to cure you of your Jay Cutler obsession, it's time to bury the hatchet (and not in your assistant's jaw, raider fans). Time to let go. Jay Cutler will do what he is going to do.
(Note: This is Part 2 in a 3-Part Series to help you Overcome your Cutler Obsession and get back to Normal Bronco Living. For Part 1, Click Here. After Part 3, I will allow Jay Cutler to live in peace.)
Jay Cutler was a Pro-Bowl quarterback in 2008; Kyle Orton, well, he can grow a neckbeard.
But who are we to discrimate against facial hair? Besides, Raiderettes need love too.
And it's with that spirt that I give you 10 little-known statistics that should make you appreciate facial hair and help cure the hankerin' that you might still have for the little cuddly elf from Santa Claus, Indiana. If not, just repeat after me, "Jay Cutler, yeah, he is not my favorite person right now."
On to the list!
(NOTE: This is the first is a 3-Part Series To Cure you of your Jay Cutler Obsession)
Jay Cutler was a Pro-Bowl quarterback last year, in case you haven't heard.
And maybe you also heard that Kyle Orton, despite a winning percentage higher than Jeff Spicoli, isn't worth much more than an old Marcus Nash throwback jersey.
The evidence, if it's presented at all, usually rests on the following Cutler statistics: 4,526 yards passing, 25 touchdown passes, and 18 interceptions. With these stats, Cutler beat out quarterbacks like Philip Rivers, Matt Cassel, Tyler Thigpen, and Chad Pennington.
Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Raider's camp. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the eye's of Tom Cable.
These are the things I learned...