Mark it Zero

The Curse of Brett Kern

I’m not sure about you, but I don’t believe in curses.

Which is exactly why we need to remove the current curse that has afflicted our Denver Broncos.

Perhaps you’ve hear the folklore by now, but if not, let me bring you up to speed on the legend.  Last season, the Broncos started the season 6-0.  But they probably didn’t deserve this record.  In the opener, they needed a miraculous last-minute tipped touchdown pass from Kyle Orton to Brandon Stokley to pull out the win.  In week five against Dallas, Champ Bailey made two miracle plays in the last minute of the game to preserve the victory.  But there they were—a glorious 6-0 start.  All the little Broncomaniacs were taking their vitamins and falling asleep at night with visions of the playoffs dancing through their heads. 

It appeared as if rookie head coach Josh McDaniels had been blessed with some outstanding karma.  You’d think that he would have taken that karma and retired for a few days to spend time with his family.

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The Dude’s Mail Revue, Week 8: The Kool-Aid, the TD birthday salute, and rockin’ the bye week

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer it—after bowling practice.

Hey, TJ:  The reason I like you is that I can’t tell if you are a Kool Aid drinker or not.  Just when I think you are about to call for the firing of McDaniels, you talk about the need for patience and on the job training.  Then, when I think you are on the Josh McDaniels Love Train, you show the Broncos’ stats on penalties, fumbles, and field position, which are some of the worst I’ve seen.  If that’s not a reason to really examine Josh’s contract at the end of the year (or now!), I don’t know what is.  You seem like a pretty levelheaded guy, but where do you stand exactly?  I think you need to get on the record. It’s a LOT easier for people to take shots at you on message boards that way.  Too bad you don’t have a time machine so you can go back and change your position if needed.
—Martin McFly, Hil Valley, California

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: Ankle bracelets, Atwater’s greatest hits, and the Halloween frights

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Fat Man blogger TJ "The Dude" Johnson posts The Dude's Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude's G-String and he might answer your question--after bowling practice.

Hahahahaha, TJ. Last weekend was the greatest single weekend of my life. They removed my electronic ankle bracelet on Saturday, and then on Sunday, my Raiders lit up the Donks for 59 points. Me and my girl just ate so much pizza we let our guts hang out and didn't leave the couch. Who'd want to? You could go another 50 years and not see that again. The Broncos will never live that loss down. You guys are lucky Tom Cable held back in the 4th quarter or we would have been talking the all-time record. Do me a favor and tell us how good we look from the bottom of the division after we catch the Chiefs in a few weeks. See you later, sucker! --Raider Mike, Oak-Town, California

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The Dude’s Mail Revue (Raiders Edition): The sorority kegger, the busty Raiders & the vertical game

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

TJ, give it up, man.  I know you’re Mail Revue is fake.  How many stupid personalitys do you have in their, huh? Me and my friends, we’ve decided that we will pretty much deck you if you ever show you’re face in the Black Hole, baby.  Oakland Raiders are forever. Al Davis is more tougher at his advanced age than anyone in the Broncos pitiful organization.  What is the matter, huh?  No more JaMarcus Russell jokes to tell?  What are you gonna do now, dude?  I’ll tell you what, you our going to fall down on the ground in the fetail position and cry like a little girl. Raider Nation Rulz!
—Kirk Jacobs, San Leandro, California

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: The Schedule, the blowhard, and the top 5 Broncos from the 80s

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

TJ, we’ve only played 5 games of a 16-game schedule.  I don’t know why everyone is getting so carried away.  So we’ve lost to the Colts, the Ravens, and the Jaguars.  The record of these three opponents is 10-5.  If we can get the Jets this weekend, we’ll be sitting at 3-3 with all of our division games remaining.  I could see us going 5-1 in the division easily.  That’s 8-4.  And then all we have is Houston, Arizona, San Francisco, and Saint Louis.  We could win at least two of these games.  That puts us at 10-6 and into the playoffs!  This is going to happen.
—Juan Ebna,  Beaver, Utah

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: The redneck, the Champ, and the slasher flick

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

Duderino, I’m not the first person to point out that a certain 250-lb. running back is shredding defenses in Cleveland, Ohio.  We had that kind of talent in our backfield and we wasted it!  Why?  Does Josh McDaniels not know talent when he sees it?  And all we got in return was a tee-shirt and Brady Quinn.  I’m with that guy from the Denver Post (I can’t remember his name, but I know he’s not Woody Paige) who said that McDaniels really got it wrong by letting Peyton Hillis go.  Really really wrong!
—Don, Bay Village, Ohio

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: The blame, the package and The Matrix

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

TJ, our rushing attack is disgusting so far.  I wanted to just close my eyes last week against the Colts as I watched them try to run the ball into the end zone three times from the 1-yard line.  We couldn’t even get 1 yard on the worst rushing defense in the league.  What gives?  I thought we were supposed to have a beefier and better offensive line this year.  I thought we were supposed to be tougher and angle block instead of zone block. 

And what’s their excuse going to be now that they don’t have Weigmann and Hamilton to kick around any more?  Are we going to start blaming the running backs? 
—Ben, Seattle, Washington

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: Laughter as medicine

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

TJ, after the passing of Kenny McKinley, are you still planning on coming out this week with a Mail Revue?  With your sense of humor, it would be good medicine for all Broncos fans to see it.
—George, Lakewood, Colorado

George: I’m glad you sent in your question.  We debated whether to do a Mail Revue this week, but after a few days of consideration, we decided in favor of it, figuring that Broncos fans would enjoy some humor during a tough week.  So I’m giving it my best.  Here goes. 

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: One hunky mailbag

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

TJ, I’m glad to see you back answering questions about the Broncos!  Where have you been all summer?  I’ve been carrying this question for a few weeks.  Now tell me - Brady Quinn has the looks that kill, but do you think he’ll be with the Broncos next year after his mediocre preseason?
—Linda, South Bend, Indiana

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The Dude’s Mail Sack: Eddie Royal, Gerald Willhite, & AJ Smith’s gigantic head

Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer it—after bowling practice.

TJ, So much has been made of Eddie Royal's sophomore slump.  Recently, Josh McDaniels said that Eddie is smiling again at the thought of becoming more involved in the offense in 2010.  And all of this because he's going to be playing slot receiver?  I have a hard time buying it.  Do you have any definitive statistical evidence that switching to the slot will really help him?
 
--Wesley Reklew, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

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