Mark it Zero

The Dude’s Mail Revue (Raiders Edition): The sorority kegger, the busty Raiders & the vertical game

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

TJ, give it up, man.  I know you’re Mail Revue is fake.  How many stupid personalitys do you have in their, huh? Me and my friends, we’ve decided that we will pretty much deck you if you ever show you’re face in the Black Hole, baby.  Oakland Raiders are forever. Al Davis is more tougher at his advanced age than anyone in the Broncos pitiful organization.  What is the matter, huh?  No more JaMarcus Russell jokes to tell?  What are you gonna do now, dude?  I’ll tell you what, you our going to fall down on the ground in the fetail position and cry like a little girl. Raider Nation Rulz!
—Kirk Jacobs, San Leandro, California

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: The Schedule, the blowhard, and the top 5 Broncos from the 80s

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

TJ, we’ve only played 5 games of a 16-game schedule.  I don’t know why everyone is getting so carried away.  So we’ve lost to the Colts, the Ravens, and the Jaguars.  The record of these three opponents is 10-5.  If we can get the Jets this weekend, we’ll be sitting at 3-3 with all of our division games remaining.  I could see us going 5-1 in the division easily.  That’s 8-4.  And then all we have is Houston, Arizona, San Francisco, and Saint Louis.  We could win at least two of these games.  That puts us at 10-6 and into the playoffs!  This is going to happen.
—Juan Ebna,  Beaver, Utah

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: The redneck, the Champ, and the slasher flick

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

Duderino, I’m not the first person to point out that a certain 250-lb. running back is shredding defenses in Cleveland, Ohio.  We had that kind of talent in our backfield and we wasted it!  Why?  Does Josh McDaniels not know talent when he sees it?  And all we got in return was a tee-shirt and Brady Quinn.  I’m with that guy from the Denver Post (I can’t remember his name, but I know he’s not Woody Paige) who said that McDaniels really got it wrong by letting Peyton Hillis go.  Really really wrong!
—Don, Bay Village, Ohio

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: The blame, the package and The Matrix

Dude's Mail Revue 400x145

Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

TJ, our rushing attack is disgusting so far.  I wanted to just close my eyes last week against the Colts as I watched them try to run the ball into the end zone three times from the 1-yard line.  We couldn’t even get 1 yard on the worst rushing defense in the league.  What gives?  I thought we were supposed to have a beefier and better offensive line this year.  I thought we were supposed to be tougher and angle block instead of zone block. 

And what’s their excuse going to be now that they don’t have Weigmann and Hamilton to kick around any more?  Are we going to start blaming the running backs? 
—Ben, Seattle, Washington

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: Laughter as medicine

Dude's Mail Revue 400x145

Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

TJ, after the passing of Kenny McKinley, are you still planning on coming out this week with a Mail Revue?  With your sense of humor, it would be good medicine for all Broncos fans to see it.
—George, Lakewood, Colorado

George: I’m glad you sent in your question.  We debated whether to do a Mail Revue this week, but after a few days of consideration, we decided in favor of it, figuring that Broncos fans would enjoy some humor during a tough week.  So I’m giving it my best.  Here goes. 

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The Dude’s Mail Revue: One hunky mailbag

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Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.

TJ, I’m glad to see you back answering questions about the Broncos!  Where have you been all summer?  I’ve been carrying this question for a few weeks.  Now tell me - Brady Quinn has the looks that kill, but do you think he’ll be with the Broncos next year after his mediocre preseason?
—Linda, South Bend, Indiana

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The Dude’s Mail Sack: Eddie Royal, Gerald Willhite, & AJ Smith’s gigantic head

Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer it—after bowling practice.

TJ, So much has been made of Eddie Royal's sophomore slump.  Recently, Josh McDaniels said that Eddie is smiling again at the thought of becoming more involved in the offense in 2010.  And all of this because he's going to be playing slot receiver?  I have a hard time buying it.  Do you have any definitive statistical evidence that switching to the slot will really help him?
 
--Wesley Reklew, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

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Shout (Out) At The Devil - Thank you, San Diego Chargers!

One should rarely heap praise upon division rivals.     While it might seem like a technically sound thing to do, it simply leaves you feeling a little dirty inside and you fall asleep at night knowing you've probably put bad karma into the world.   

But there's always an exception.

So today, it's time to salute the San Diego Chargers.

The road to the AFC West title just got easier, and not because Elvis Dumervil signed his 1-year tender.

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The Dude’s Mail Sack: Orton, Quinn, Tebow, and…Britny Fox!

Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer it—after bowling practice.

TJ, it is with great sadness that I write to you to tell you that I did not make the Broncos Cheerleading squad for 2010. Things were going great until I suddenly pulled my hamstring during my routine as I was rocking to Bad Romance from Lady Gaga.  I tried to gut through it.   I tried to imagine I was Kyle Orton, playing through the pain.  But finally, it was too much.  I knew I was done-for when they asked me if I'd rather dance to Katy Perry.  

I can walk away with my head held high, TJ.  I know you and MHR were pulling for me.  Thanks to everyone who believed that a sexually-ambiguous aerobics instructor from Colorado Springs could live the dream.  I can't wait to attend a home game this year and watch those girls dancing so fast that Tim Tebow will want to rethink his promise ring!
 
--Charlie, Colorado Springs, Colorado

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Come on and Rock Me, Trent Dilfer!

"If you haven't played the game of football, you couldn't possibly understand."

--Ryan Leaf, 1998

One of my favorite blogs on the web is Shutdown Corner over at Yahoo Sports.  They don't take football as seriously as your typical Oakland resident and they generally focus on the lighter side of today's NFL--always good traits to have. Recently, they brought us some hard-hitting information on the woman that charged $95,000 on Reggie Wayne's credit card, and previously waxed poetic on Jared Allen's mullet lifestyle.  In short, the kind of stuff that is simply awesome.  

My favorite thing they do, however, is to point out some rather interesting and controversial perspectives of athletes.

Which brings me to a recent quote from Aaron Rodgers.  In the last few months, Rodgers has been feeling a little frisky (or upset that he was chosen behind Alex Smith?)  and has hammered draft analysts like Todd McShay on his Twitter account for, in his opinion, not being well versed enough in the technical aspects of reading defenses.

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