Limericks

Weekly Limerick Schtick: Elvis Dumervil

Last week's topic was D.J. "That piss ain't human" Williams. This week Elvis Dumervil earned himself the honor:

If Elvis did lift up his shirt
intending some bodily hurt
A ban he will get.
They cannot acquit.
The Broncos and Sacco: inert.

Now give your own Limerick go.  It's not as fun as driving a Land Rover, but it's certainly cheaper.

Weekly Limerick Schtick: DJ Williams

Last week's topic was Roger Goodell.  This week, Broncos linebacker D.J. Williams gets his turn, for obvious reasons.

In the bottle D.J. did piss,
but twice there was something amiss.
Non-human they said,
so he hit the head
and the third the Greek could assist.

Let it rip with your own in the comment section.  And to see all the Limericks for all weeks, click here.  We expect to hear from Pushcart any week now.

Weekly Limerick Schtick: Roger Goodell

Last week's topic was Demaryius Thomas.  This week's topic is Roger Goodell.

With Roger Goodell at the head
there's always a reason to dread
the fine and appeal
that seems so surreal
since he fellates himself instead.

Now, take your own shot.  Just remember to wear your jockstrap--tight.  We don't want to see you hurt yourself playing with meter.  

Weekly Limerick Schtick

You can stop emailing me. Back by popular demand, it's peanut butter jelly time--otherwise known as IAOFM's Weekly Limerick Schtick.  This week's topic? Demaryius Thomas' route tree:

Demaryius Thomas so free
did not run the routes from the tree.
But the Teebs is gone,
replaced by The Don
of quarterbacks John could decree.

Take your own shot--if you've got something clever and can remember the finer arts of anapest meter. Or you may be drunk.  In that case, just try and rhyme without passing out.

John Elway would have made a great cologne

For months I had been working on a new men's cologne called Elway.

The name was just local color.

My true intention was combining the pungent smell of the Broncos' locker room with the grassy aroma of the Mile High turf

Originally, the name of the cologne was going to be Johnson 9-5 on account of the fact that it took about an hour for you to work up enough sweat so that your female coworkers could get a whiff of your "natural" pheromones.

The name Elway just sounds better.  I don't anticipate it will help sales in the least.  My lawyer told me to say that, but in my heart, I believe it.

The strong scent was guaranteed; the results with your female coworkers were not.

Now that I've received a letter from some NFL quarterback telling me to cease and desist with this cologne, I'm guess I'll just write some limericks wrapping up this week's most interesting news.

Continue reading "John Elway would have made a great cologne"

Tres Hombres - Three Limericks

After receiving dozens of requests from readers to bring limericks back to football, I've finally decided to do it.

What brought me back from the depths of bawdy and crude artistic expression?

The Denver Broncos' quarterback debate--that, and a whole hell of a lot of time to kill during a lockout.

Orton versus Tebow?

Tebow and Orton versus Quinn?

Woody Paige versus the world?

All of it pales in comparision to whether I can work in a reference to Rick Mirer, The Bible, and Jockey underwear on a Sunday afternoon.

Enjoy.  If you dare.

Continue reading "Tres Hombres - Three Limericks"

The Dude Abides: Limericks to Jay Cutler, we salute you

Last night on MHR Radio, we all agreed that it's time to let Jay Cutler go.  While many have already done this, there are still some of us that are not mature, self-actualized human beings.  We'd like nothing more than to see Cutler fail miserably.   Again. And Again.  And again.

Well, it's official.  JC  has failed.  So badly, in fact, that the Broncos now own the 10th or 11th pick in the 2010 NFL Draft. Maybe for fun, McDaniels will let Cutler call "heads" or "tails" on the coin toss.

Continue reading "The Dude Abides: Limericks to Jay Cutler, we salute you"

The Dude Abides: It’s limerick time - Chiefs, Round 2

Divisional opponents inspire hate.  And mockery.  So let round two of the Chiefs' Limericks begin!   

Here are five that I created.  Please feel free to make up your own.   It's the last game of the year, so if you've got something to take out on the Broncos, do it.  And Chiefs fans, please participate if you're still not busy counting how many 3rd downs you haven't converted. 

In all seriousness, Chiefs fans, you are some of the coolest cats rolling, so I know we will have a good time, once again.

Continue reading "The Dude Abides: It’s limerick time - Chiefs, Round 2"

The Dude Abides: It’s limerick time - Jokeland Raiders, Round 2

Divisional opponents inspire hate.  And mockery.  So let round two of the Raiders' Limericks begin!.  

Here are five that I created.  Please feel free to make up your own.   And Raiders' fans, please participate if you've passed the 8th grade or aren't currently wearing an orange jacket and carrying a garbage sack.

At the end of the season, I'll do a post with the top-10 limericks from all the division opponents to vote on, so please rec the limericks that you like the most.

These five should help you get the hang of it (if you have an extra syllable or two here or there, who cares):

Continue reading "The Dude Abides: It’s limerick time - Jokeland Raiders, Round 2"

The Dude Abides: It’s limerick time for the Chiefs!

Divisional opponents inspire hate.  And mockery.  So let round one of the Chiefs' Limericks begin!.  

Here are five that I created.  Please feel free to make up your own.   And Chiefs' fans, please participate if you have the inclination (or you're not already mocking your top-5-draft-pick).  

At the end of the season, I'll do a post with the top 10 limericks from all the division opponents to vote on, so please rec the limericks that you like the most.

These five should help you get the hang of it (if you have an extra syllable or two here or there, who cares):

Continue reading "The Dude Abides: It’s limerick time for the Chiefs!"