You never know when the muse is going to strike. It could be at the strip club. It might be at a staff meeting. Or perhaps you're in church tuning out a sermon on the Book of Job while considering the suffering of Nickelback fans. The point is this: you never ever know.
Enter Tim Tebow's 25th Birthday.
If shirtless the Teebs would just praise--
a hero to Christians and gays.
No good is his pass;
it falls to the grass
but zombies demand that he stays.
Feel free to take your shot. Give Teebs some media attention since he (and his blood-sucking brother) don't seek it; he only goes shirtless when it's raining--you know, because no one wants to run in the rain with clothing.
Nothing beats mocking your opponent in the hours leading up to a game--even if it's only preseason.
Obviously, this week's topic is the Chicago Bears, or as I like to think of them, Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall.
Absurd in a word is the pair
of Jay and The Beast in a stare.
The eyes are a lock,
the pattern a mock--
the safety just picks from the air.
Take your shot. Mocking Jay Cutler never gets old.
And for more limerick fun, check out the entire history of IAOFM's limericks here.
Sometimes you wake up and you go through the motions; other times, you feel a Limerick coming on.
Unrein on the line is unreal,
and larger this year--sex appeal.
he brings it each day,
from practice squad to tungsten steel.
Let it breathe. Then try your own in the comment section. The worst thing that can happen is laughter.
If Elvis did lift up his shirt
intending some bodily hurt
A ban he will get.
They cannot acquit.
The Broncos and Sacco: inert.
Now give your own Limerick go. It's not as fun as driving a Land Rover, but it's certainly cheaper.
In the bottle D.J. did piss,
but twice there was something amiss.
Non-human they said,
so he hit the head
and the third the Greek could assist.
Last week's topic was Demaryius Thomas. This week's topic is Roger Goodell.
With Roger Goodell at the head
there's always a reason to dread
the fine and appeal
that seems so surreal
since he fellates himself instead.
Now, take your own shot. Just remember to wear your jockstrap--tight. We don't want to see you hurt yourself playing with meter.
Demaryius Thomas so free
did not run the routes from the tree.
But the Teebs is gone,
replaced by The Don
of quarterbacks John could decree.
Take your own shot--if you've got something clever and can remember the finer arts of anapest meter. Or you may be drunk. In that case, just try and rhyme without passing out.
For months I had been working on a new men's cologne called Elway.
The name was just local color.
My true intention was combining the pungent smell of the Broncos' locker room with the grassy aroma of the Mile High turf
Originally, the name of the cologne was going to be Johnson 9-5 on account of the fact that it took about an hour for you to work up enough sweat so that your female coworkers could get a whiff of your "natural" pheromones.
The name Elway just sounds better. I don't anticipate it will help sales in the least. My lawyer told me to say that, but in my heart, I believe it.
The strong scent was guaranteed; the results with your female coworkers were not.
Now that I've received a letter from some NFL quarterback telling me to cease and desist with this cologne, I'm guess I'll just write some limericks wrapping up this week's most interesting news.
After receiving dozens of requests from readers to bring limericks back to football, I've finally decided to do it.
What brought me back from the depths of bawdy and crude artistic expression?
The Denver Broncos' quarterback debate--that, and a whole hell of a lot of time to kill during a lockout.
Orton versus Tebow?
Tebow and Orton versus Quinn?
Woody Paige versus the world?
All of it pales in comparision to whether I can work in a reference to Rick Mirer, The Bible, and Jockey underwear on a Sunday afternoon.
Enjoy. If you dare.
Last night on MHR Radio, we all agreed that it's time to let Jay Cutler go. While many have already done this, there are still some of us that are not mature, self-actualized human beings. We'd like nothing more than to see Cutler fail miserably. Again. And Again. And again.
Well, it's official. JC has failed. So badly, in fact, that the Broncos now own the 10th or 11th pick in the 2010 NFL Draft. Maybe for fun, McDaniels will let Cutler call "heads" or "tails" on the coin toss.