I’ve recently been accused of loving myself too much (and not for the first time, incidentally). This paragraph is expressly designed to be a completely irrelevant, and pointless throwaway, since it has recently come to my attention that some readers skip my first paragraph. That way, cleverly, they can ignore all the nice things I say about myself. I mean, hell… chances are nothing interesting about football could be there. I’m just warming up, right?
Now, the real Ted Bartlett version of things. First, a heart-felt thanks to Bill “Pork Chop” Williamson, James Walker, Alex Marvez, Adam Schein, and Mike Patrick for inspiring some of my language and thinking in the humble version of my pregame column. They are truly the best at what they do, and stand as excellent examples for a young writer who’s trying really hard to be simultaneously silly, unstylish, and boring. I humbly thank Jewish G_d (it’s his turn, and he doesn’t like the “O”, you heard?) that I have those All-Stars to crib from.
Caught you, Broncos fans.
You were up jonesing for a late-night Broncos snack, weren’t you?
Well, open the fridge and indulge yourself. Here at Fat Man, we don’t mind. You can even add some extra chocolate syrup if you’d like.
For our friends who read us in Europe, good morning!
Here are 7 reasons the Broncos will beat the Titans tomorrow. Why 7 reasons? Because I couldn’t think of 57 (Tom Jackson’s numbers), so I went with Elway’s. Call me lazy.
Why am I so sure they will beat the Titans? Truthfully, I’m not so sure, but being a fan is fundamentally, at its core, supposed to be fun. And losing isn’t any fun. So, until further notice, the Broncos are winning.
Now, here are your 7 reasons:
This week scientists found existence of a planet in our galaxy capable of supporting life. Are we getting closer to answering the question, “Are we alone?”
Who really cares.
I just want to know if randomness is smarter than Peter King.
As we usually do, we ask our random number generator (RNG) to makes its picks for the week’s NFL games. We then compare these picks to the so-called experts. To make things even more lively, I include my cat, Jesus Quintana, in on the picks, along with Doug Lee and myself (Doc Bear is too smart for this). The RNG is simply armed with the notion that, 57% of the time, the home team is a winner in the NFL. Quintana picks between two quarters as I drop them to the floor. Doug Lee uses his superior intellect.
I use Kahlua and a proprietary mathematical formula. If that doesn’t work, I just stare at the sun until the pick comes to me.
So how has the RNG done?
Good Morning, Broncos fans! The final injury report for the week has Spencer Larsen, Knowshon Moreno and Wesley Woodyard listed as out. Andre’ Goodman and Ryan Harris are questionable, while Brian Dawkins is probable. With Larsen out, expect TE Dan Gronkowski to see some more action at fullback. As expected, the Titans will be without starting CB Jason McCourty, while starting DT Tony Brown and DE Jacob Ford are listed as questionable.
Okay, Broncos fans. Who’s hungry for some trivia? Throughout the Shanahan years, we all prided ourselves on Denver being a so-called “Running Back Factory.” Our non-Broncos fan friends would ask us each August who they should draft in their fantasy leagues, and we’d give them the inside scoop. Which 6th-rounder or undrafted player would become the Broncos’ next running star? Well, plenty of the guys on this list were never stars, but all of them had 100-yard games as a Bronco. 41 different players in total, although only 12 did it three or more times wearing predominantly orange. This one’s tough, but not nearly as difficult as the 100-yard receivers one. As always, post your scores in the comments, and no peeking or cheating! Good luck!
Click here for Sporcle Quiz:
Can you name the players who have had 100-yard rushing games as Broncos?
Happy Friday, Broncos fans! Jamal Williams skipped practice for the third straight Thursday. Brian Dawkins was a full participant on Thursday after missing the prior day, while Ryan Harris and Andre’ Goodman were again limited participants. Knowshon Moreno, Spencer Larsen and Wesley Woodyard again missed practice. For the Titans, the same three players who missed practice on Wednesday were out yesterday - CB Jason McCourty, DT Tony Brown and DE Jacob Ford.
Gary Wichard, the agent for several NFL stars including Broncos DE Elvis Dumervil, has been implicated in a case of a former University of North Carolina coach allegedly steering players to Wichard in exchange for money. An investigation by Charles Robinson of Yahoo! Sports uncovered multiple financial transactions involving former UNC assistant coach John Blake and Pro Tect Management, Wichard’s agency. Wichard and Blake are now under investigation by the NCAA and the North Carolina Secretary of State.
Wichard’s agency represents numerous prominent NFL players, including Colts DE Dwight Freeney, Jets DE Jason Taylor, Ravens LB Terrell Suggs and the Broncos’ injured star Dumervil. In July, Wichard helped Dumervil negotiate a six-year contract extension with the Broncos which will pay the reigning sack king between $41 million and $43 million in guarantees. Dumervil is out for the 2010 season after having surgery for a torn pectoral muscle he suffered in training camp.
Wichard did not respond to Yahoo! Sports requests for comment. According to Robinson’s article, the NFLPA is awaiting completion of the NCAA investigation before taking any action against Wichard and his agency.
Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions about the state of the Denver Broncos. Got a titillating question? Put a dollar bill into the Dude’s G-String and he might answer your question—after bowling practice.
TJ, our rushing attack is disgusting so far. I wanted to just close my eyes last week against the Colts as I watched them try to run the ball into the end zone three times from the 1-yard line. We couldn’t even get 1 yard on the worst rushing defense in the league. What gives? I thought we were supposed to have a beefier and better offensive line this year. I thought we were supposed to be tougher and angle block instead of zone block.
And what’s their excuse going to be now that they don’t have Weigmann and Hamilton to kick around any more? Are we going to start blaming the running backs?
—Ben, Seattle, Washington
Good Morning, Broncos fans! I hope you’re doing well. Andre’ Goodman and Ryan Harris both practiced yesterday, albeit in limited fashion. Brian Dawkins, Knowshon Moreno, Wesley Woodyard and Spencer Larsen all missed practice. Brandon Lloyd missed practice as well, but not due to injury. Demaryius Thomas, who had an injury scare on the last offensive play versus the Colts, practiced and was not listed on the injury report.