Don’t go to Houston nightclubs if you’re a pro athlete Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Washington GM Bruce Allen steps in for PK in writing today's MMQB, and he spends the opener shamelessly fluffing the horrible owners he's worked under: Al Davis, the Glazers, and Dan Snyder.

He also says he dislikes "political correctness" (in a locker room), and how could he not say that when his franchise's name is the epitome of racism? Anyway, the whole column is a shoutout to his family and friends, and it's probably more self-referencing than anything PK himself has ever written.

We can only hope the boys at KSK will choose to obliterate this column instead of digging up more vintage PK, because between calling Snyder "brilliantly quick and witty," trying to portray D.C. as the greatest place in the world, and lobbying for his buddies to make the HOF, this is basically MMQB in his purest, most concentrated form. Eau de MMQB, if you will.

Updated 9:26am ET

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The sky isn’t always blue Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Former nemesis Priest Holmes is among the latest ex-NFL stars to speak up about the lingering physical effects of his playing career:

As much as I loved it (football), that same love now has put me in situations that I have to live with. The frontal headaches, the migraines. Laying in bed, it’s tough to get out mornings just because of the pain that is setting in with an arthritic condition, it’s things like that that you never would have really thought about.

Holmes also describes the on-field symptoms he experienced after concussions in frightening fashion:

For a moment, as bodies are peeled off a woozy ballcarrier by officials and teammates, the sky can change color or become a heavenly light.

“This color obviously isn’t going to be blue. It can be a color that can be orange. It can be red. The sky could turn green,” Holmes told The Daily. “There’s even an episode where you see a clear light, like light at the end of the tunnel.”

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Bubby Brister among latest NFLers to sue over concussions Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Chase Stuart's next look at franchise record holders covers receiving stats. Of course, almost all of Denver's marks are held by newest Ring of Famer Rod Smith, who will gain induction during a Week 3 ceremony when Kubes and the Texans are in town.

But there is one big record that Rod doesn't own, and it's the Broncos standard for touchdown catches in a single season.

Like Stuart has done with his trivia questions, I'll offer a few hints. But since I haven't figured out how to hide them just yet, I'll slip them throughout the Lard.

Gold star to anyone who can guess the player without a hint.

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Shanny’s control freakishness is rubbing off on his pal Fisher Lard

Happy Friday, Broncos fans! The bounty scandal took its latest expected steps yesterday, as the NFLPA filed suit against the league on behalf of suspended players Scott Fujita, Anthony Hargrove, and Will Smith, alleging that the Ginger Hammer showed bias in his handling of the punishments and appeals.

Within the suit, the players stick to their claim they never participated in an organized bounty system meant to harm opponents, while the NFL responded by calling it an improper suit. In another court action, Roger Goodell filed a motion to dismiss Jonathan Vilma's defamation lawsuit against him.

And interestingly, in Goodell's letter to the suspended players turning down their appeal, he backs off the league's claim that it was Anthony Hargrove who uttered the infamous "give me my money" line.

But ultimately, Andrew Brandt thinks the players are swimming upstream and should have addressed the NFL's disciplinary system during the last CBA negotiations instead of fight it now.

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Weekly Limerick Schtick: Roger Goodell

Last week's topic was Demaryius Thomas.  This week's topic is Roger Goodell.

With Roger Goodell at the head
there's always a reason to dread
the fine and appeal
that seems so surreal
since he fellates himself instead.

Now, take your own shot.  Just remember to wear your jockstrap--tight.  We don't want to see you hurt yourself playing with meter.  

Raiders are just bad people Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! There remains no real news to discuss, so we're going to keep hammering away at this Matt Prater discussion we've been having.

Much has been made in recent days about Prater's perceived clutchness, specifically in the fourth quarter and overtime. As a quick exercise, let's examine all of his 4Q and OT attempts from last season:

Week Opponent Quarter Distance Score Before Kick
7 @MIA OT 52 15-15
10 @KC 4 41 (Miss) 17-7
12 @SD 4 24 10-13
    OT 37 13-13
13 @MIN 4 46 29-32
    4 23 32-32
14 CHI 4 59 7-10
    OT 51 10-10

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Coaches film and the offensive line

Happy Fourth of July to all! Let’s keep in mind the kind of strength of character and belief in liberty that led to the historic adoption of the Declaration of Independence, one of the greatest statements of the right to personal freedom in all of history, and the sacrifices that have been made to keep it free.

Let’s also keep this one safe, folks, especially if you’re in Colorado. My heart goes out to all of the folks who have been evacuated or have lost their homes. I went through it once, and it’s an incredibly hard experience to overcome. Let’s leave fireworks to the professionals this year.

A surprising amount has been written of late regarding the availability of what’s being called ‘All-22’ or simply, ‘coaches film’. I’m prejudiced, I grant you, but I’m also strongly in favor of its availability. Refusing to let fans see it has always struck me as either a technological glitch or just foolishness on a large scale. There was a minor fuss before NFL Rewind became wildly popular, and I didn’t understand that one at the time, either.

The concern that some have expressed with All-22 film is the identical concern that the same writers who are worried about releasing coaches film should have with broadcast film. A lot of sites, including our own, use film to illustrate various concepts, to show our readers what the team either is doing or could doing, and to try to educate them on the game that all of us love without boring them to tears. Game screenshots and play diagrams certainly help. All-22 film will permit those more easily, as the medium is more accessible to creating illustrations.

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Goodell upholds bounty suspensions levied by Goodell Lard

Good Afternoon, Broncos fans, and Happy Fourth! According to Mike Florio, Matt Prater got $4.25M in guarantees as part of his new deal - not $3M as had been reported by the DP.

If this is true, count me back on the side of disliking this contract. Prater will be making more this season than Ryan Clady and Von Miller (I know, rookie contracts, but still), and somewhere in the neighborhood of Joel Dreessen, Jacob Tamme, Tracy Porter, Chris Kuper, and Joe Mays.

This, for a 78.4% career kicker (76% last year, tied for 26th-best among kickers with 24 or more attempts).

Out of 34 active kickers, Prater ranks 29th in overall accuracy over his career. These are not figures that suggest Prater should be one of the league's highest-paid kickers.

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Happy 70th Birthday, Floyd Little!

Happy Birthday, Franchise.

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New blackout rule unlikely to curb fan abuse Lard

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Just two days ago we applauded news that the NFL would be relaxing its blackout rules, thus allowing more hometown fans to watch games on TV.

But there's of course a catch, and the Chargers - who accounted for two of the league's sixteen blackouts last season, with four blackouts the year before - say they will not take advantage of the change.

Traditionally, when a team fails to sell out a game, local fans get screwed over by losing the ability to watch that game on television. The idea here is that the blackout rule encourages fans to attend games in person and drop $100 for a ticket, $40 for parking, and $10 per beer, rather than stay on the couch, watch the game for free, and change the channel during commercials and halftime. As if that's a reasonable choice for many people.

Of all the NFL policies that serve to abuse its loyal fans, there's probably nothing worse than the blackout rule. Fans in areas like San Diego are stressing about whether they'll actually see the upcoming game, rather than anticipating it with excitement. And obviously, plenty of these fans cannot afford the time or money required to attend games in person.

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