The Dude’s Mail Revue: Waterboarding with goth girls

Dude's Mail Revue 400x145

Fat Man blogger TJ “The Dude” Johnson posts The Dude’s Mail Revue on Thursdays, in which he takes your questions and gets your opinion about the state of the Denver Broncos.

You wanna roll your way into the semis?

Drop TJ a question: tjthedudejohnson@gmail.com.

(NOTE: No marmots were harmed in the writing of this revue)

TJ, let me be quick to the point.  After John Elway comes on board, the Broncos are going to give Xanders full GM powers and hire Jim Fassel as coach.  Think about it, Dude.  Who was the coach that tutored Elway and Phil Simms?  Fassel.   Who resurrected Kerry Collins' career?  Fassel.   The early 1990s were off the hook for Elway under Fassel.  I really think Bowlen and Elway are going turn back the clock.  You hear that little bitty ting?  That's the sound of a lightbulb going off over Elway's head right now.

In case you didn't know it, Fassel is also the one guy who won't be scared away by the theory that Tim Tebow can't play quarterback, either.   Remember you heard it here first, straight out of Palm Beach!

--Robert Van Winkle, Palm Beach, Florida 

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Dave Nelson, Tubby Raymond and the rise of the Wing T Offense

In a recent interview, Wink Martindale commented that the Broncos are seeing a lot of Wing T running plays this year - he indicated that many of Denver's 2010 opponents (which tend to a heavy percentage of running plays) use it at least part of the time. The Wing T also is a very viable, deception-based passing offense too, but right now the rushing aspect seems to predominate when it’s used in the NFL. With that being the case, and with NFL games available on NFL Rewind and more and more fans enjoying watching film and learning from it, I wanted to give you an overview of the system. It was originally developed, as so many are, out of sheer necessity - you could even say desperation - by Coach Dave Nelson along with Harold Westerman and Mike Lude. Over time, however, most authorities would tell you that it was Coach ‘Tubby’ Raymond who brought it into its modern form. Let’s take it from the very beginning, then on to small Hillsdale College, onward to the University of Maine, the University of Delaware, and the Hall of Fame careers of Dave Nelson and Tubby Raymond.

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Chicken or the egg? Lard 12-16-10

Good Morning, Broncos fans! Yesterday's story about Denver's potential interest in Mike Mularkey raised concerns about the future structure of the team's front office - the idea of hiring a coach before a GM caused some discomfort. But while the personnel problems of the past 10+ years in Denver can largely be blamed upon the team's lack of a quality GM to help select players, the role of the GM in the NFL is not typically what it is in other professional sports. There is no person more important within a football organization than the head coach, and this is the case even in the presence of a commanding GM like Bill Parcells, Bill Polian or Scott Pioli, although these three men happen to also be very good at selecting head coaches. This isn't baseball, where the GM and his decision making are much more crucial to winning than the manager and his calls are.

When it comes down to it, the head coach is responsible for the schemes, the playbook, the play calling, motivating and teaching the players - everything that happens on the field and in the locker room, including winning and losing. The personnel the GM selects has to match or fit the schemes of his head coach. As Pat Kirwan writes in the oft-quoted (here, anyway) Take Your Eye Off The Ball,

In an ideal situation, then, the general manager should support the head coach...he should have enough football experience that he can be a valuable contributor to the head coach's vision...He can't be seen as outranking the head coach, especially in the eyes of the team.

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Broncos reportedly interested in Falcons’ Mularkey

According to a report from Adam Schefter on ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown, the Broncos may have interest in Falcons OC Mike Mularkey for their head coaching position. Mularkey, who was head coach of the Buffalo Bills in 2004 and 2005, has been the Falcons' OC for three seasons. The 11-2 Falcons are fifth in the NFL this season in scoring with 335 points and ninth in yardage.

Mularkey told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution that while unaware of Schefter's report or of any interest from the Broncos, he is indeed interested in becoming a head coach again. When asked specifically about pursuing a HC job, Mularkey said,

I would like the opportunity again. I would, if it ever presents itself.

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Taking the stress out of the holidays

The answer lies in history.

With the fortunes of the Broncos continuing their annual seasonal toboggan ride, it might be hard to imagine how things could get any worse. Realistically, they probably can’t, other than in minor degree. The Broncos brought in someone to completely change over the team in a brief amount of time with little help from management and plenty of errors on their part and made him the scapegoat when it didn’t bear immediate fruit. Josh McDaniels didn’t create a shortage of problems himself, but it’s well worth considering that by the end of his second month, Pat Bowlen and Joe Ellis had placed him in very much the same situation that led to Mike Shanahan’s perhaps-overdue firing, heaping responsibility on his head, agreeing to let him function as head coach, personnel partner with Brian Xanders and offensive coordinator pro temp.  Considering that he’d never held the HC reins at any level, this was problematic even when Jim Goodman was going to be around to help guide him - no first time HC is ready for that level of obligation. Without direction or experienced advice, it was masochistic of the team and cruel to the fans.

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The Daily Lard 12-15-10

Good Morning, Broncos fans! It looks like Demaryius Thomas will miss his fourth straight game Sunday. Meanwhile, the Broncos did not re-sign Stanley Daniels as was reported earlier by Mike Klis; rather, WR Britt Davis was promoted from the practice squad to replace the injured S Kyle McCarthy, who was place on IR.

Meanwhile, the news on Perrish Cox is getting worse before it gets better - his charges are Class 3 and Class 4 felonies, which involve knowingly assaulting a helpless victim. These charges carry a sentence ranging between two years and life in prison.

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Ten reasons not to play Tebow

If you're not with Studesville, the terrorists win.

If you're not with Ellis, you don't bleed orange and blue (gross).

If you're not down with waiting for Godot Tebow, then, well, you're a Raiders fan.

The horror!

Broncos fans, stop your incessant jabbering.  You've no right to demand the Broncos play Tim Tebow.  Haven't you heard?  Phil Rivers and Aaron Rodgers rode the pine for centuries before they hit the field.  

So shut your pie holes.  Got it?  No?  Well let me give you some reasons why the Broncos shouldn't start Tebow before Joe Ellis takes off his tie, rolls up his sleeves, and bitch slaps you.  

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Not time for Tim Lard 12-14-10

Good Morning, Broncos fans. Eric Studesville announced yesterday that Kyle Orton will start Sunday in Jokeland, which of course means that Tim Tebow is not starting. However, the coach did say that Tebow is “an NFL quarterback, and he’s here, and he was drafted to come here and play quarterback, so he’s going to be ready to play in a game.” Sort of a strange way to put it. Wouldn't you prefer to hear, "He's worked hard, he's got a good grasp of the offense, and he's ahead of where we thought he'd be at this juncture"? The reasons Studesville cites are sort of what the fans and media are thinking - "He has to be ready, right? Did we spend a first-rounder for him not to be ready now?" Well, no he doesn't actually have to be ready, despite our best wishes to that effect, and perhaps Josh McDaniels did draft him with the expectation it'd take at least a full season to prepare him for the starter's role. Personally, I do hope he's ready, and I want to see him play. But hope and reality are usually two different things...

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IAOFM holiday shopping guide

After yesterday's debacle, it's time to focus back on what really matters this time of year, and it's not that Every Kiss Begins with Kay™. In case you've got that awful jingle in your head now, please accept my sincerest of apologies and try this one instead.

Back on topic...Here at IAOFM, we are more interested in gifts appropriate for the true Broncos fan. As usual, I'm ripping off finding inspiration from my favorite Mets blog, Amazin' Avenue.

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Hit bottom yet? Lard 12-13-10

Hmm. Good Morning, Broncos fans. If you're reading this, at least you have a pulse - which is more than we can say about our favorite football team. In case you wanted to know what could be worse than giving up 59 points at home to Jokeland, perhaps yesterday answered that question. Denver gave up 43 points to the Cardinals, who started a rookie fifth-round draft choice out of Fordham University at QB. Even worse, 25 of those points came off the legs of Jay Feely, who kicked five field goals and ran for a humiliating TD on a fake FG. But wait! Still it gets lower - the Broncos turned it over a whopping six times, were 3 of 15 on third downs, and allowed 211 rushing yards to an Arizona squad which had totaled 219 rushing yards in its previous three games. Denver is now in the thralls of its second four-game losing streak of the year, and over that span they have gone 8 for 48 on third downs, or 16.7% by higher math. By comparison, the Cards had entered the week at 26% on third downs, worst in the NFL. Last time the Broncos turned it over six times? October 3, 1999 when the two-time defending champs lost Terrell Davis to the knee injury that eventually cut his career short.

Kyle Orton posted an atrocious QB rating of 27.1 to follow up his 46.3 rating of a week earlier, to go along with three interceptions. Orton had thrown but six INTs in the season's first 12 games; he's looking worse by the week, and yesterday even garbage time didn't really serve to pump up his numbers. Naturally, the calls for Denver to start Tim Tebow are gathering momentum - perhaps Woody Paige will call a meeting with his newest minion Eric Studesville and decree that Tebow shalt start next week. Hopefully Studesville values self preservation and took in the lesson Josh McDaniels learned when he disobeyed Paige's order to lose the hoodie.

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2014 Offseason

All Offseason Coverage